Hi I'm Ruben Doe, this is me...
and this is the story of How I defeated my boyfriends evil exes, yeah, defeated and yeah, evil...
Lets see, where should we start... ok yeah...
Time seemed to freeze as I saw the tall dark handsome stranger enter the book shop.
Porno music started playing in my mind as I watched the man walking down the middle aisle, heading straight for me. To be quite honest with you, I've done this exact scene like a hundred times, I usually opt for the dance club but book shop is right up there in the top three fantasies. No matter the location, the fantasies are always with him... Hiram the delivery guy. The man of my... in my dreams.
Hiram licked his lips and said "Hey . I'm here for you."
Somehow, today I stood frozen. I didn't react at all, I felt a cold sweat break out on my forehead. He was different today? Something stirred behind his eyes.
"Hiii, hello?" He waved his hand in front of my eyes.
"RUBEN!" shouted Howard... this snapped me out of my porno trance. Howard is my platonic straight roommate and Co owner of the Bookworm.
We live together, work together, eat together, gym together, take the train together, I mean, you get it right... best pals.
"Huh. Oh. Hi Hiram. Or Hi Rim. Or..." I felt sick in my stomach. That was stupid.
"Hi Rim. I get it." He smiled at me, which only made me feel even worse. "You gonna sign for this?" he asked handing me the clipboard.
Howard leaned over, "Don't mind him. This is just one of his top fantasies, like I'd say top three... You're the hot delivery guy from his dreams."
IN... in my dreams. I felt myself shrinking to the size of a peanut as Hiram looked back over at me. "Oh yeah... well what happens in these fantasies?"
Remind me later to yell at Howard!
"I uhm. You uh. We..."
"You fuck him over there" chimed Howard pointing to the young adult fiction section.
What the actual fuck Howard! I gave him a death stare then slowly turned back to Hiram. "Excuse my very forward friend. He never learned manners at the school for straight guys. I'll sign for the delivery, its the true crimes delivery right?"
"Oh I don't mind actually, I'm kinda curious to hear this fantasy of yours. Wanna get a coffee some time?"
"Some time... yeah... I'd uh..."
"Your break starts right about now"
Fuckit Howard!
"Yeah. I guess now is some time... right?"
"Right. Well you are my last delivery too so let's grab that coffee and you can tell me all about our bookshop adventures."
I placed my signature and handed Hiram his clipboard. He smiled, "Great. I'm gonna drop this on my bike and meet you next door." Hiram left the bookshop and I shuffled after him.
After getting our drinks in silence, I got a creamy raspberry tea. Hiram got a tall latte. We started walking down the street, more silence...
Hiram broke the tension, "Soo, how does the fantasy usually go? Do we like get coffee, and walk in silence?"
"Uhm. No we uh... you deliver some stuff and we end up testing said stuff."
"Oh yeah. What stuff?"
The cold sweat was back. I stopped walking "Look Hiram, I don't know what got into Howard today but you don't need to be nice about this. You can totally blow me off."
"Is that what I do in your fantasy, do I blow you off?" Hiram stepped closer to me, our lips a few inches apart.
I wanted to turn, scream like a little girl and run away but I couldn't, Hiram's eyes held me in place.
"Do we kiss?"
Fuck you Howard for getting me into this but I'm fucking doing this. Time to man up Ruben. A large Silverback gorilla beat its chest in my imagination giving me some confidence.
"Actually you have a gag shoved in your mouth. A nice big red ball gag."
"Yeah? Kinky"
"Yeah. And you're wearing a tight leather jockstrap, holding your manhood in place as your limbs are stretched apart and eager for my exploration."
Hiram stepped back ever so slightly, "that's hot man. At least one piece of your fantasy is real." Hiram lowers the waistband of his working slacks, revealing the shiny black leather beneath. "My turn to tell you about my dreams? I didn't just happen to walk into your bookstore today! I think this is fate..."
Meanwhile across the street a security camera changes its angle to view the two guys standing close together. And somewhere in a dark basement a sinister voice says "Hmmm... Hiram you naughty naughty boy. You know before you can date anyone they need to face off against your Evil Exes. Peter should be on his way over as we speak."
