M/Self I can't enjoy self bondage

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AnonymousDIDLover
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M/Self I can't enjoy self bondage

Post by AnonymousDIDLover »

Well, this is kind of a story, kind of me talking about my experience with self bondage and that I can't enjoy it but it's sort of adult in nature and this is the only section of the forum specified for adult stuff so I feel it fits here better than TUG Talk or similar.

I'm extremely inactive on this forum, mostly a lurker who checks the latest stories every now and then. The one post I made before this, I went over how I couldn't seem to enjoy self-bondage no matter what and spoke to some people about it. Well, earlier today I did some self bondage that still has yet to stimulate me and was probably dangerous and I just need to talk about it. I'm sorry if this isn't really something you can enjoy because of the peril behind it or my thoughts at the end but seriously, if you ever do self bondage, make sure you're more careful than I was.

I'm over 18 but I currently still live with my parents who are kind enough to let me live in their house free of charge until I can safely leave the nest. As you might guess, I don't really get many opportunities to do self bondage because of this. As such, when I learn of an opportunity for me to do some, I get excited and immediately start planning it out. Well a while ago, my parents said that they would be going on Holiday, leaving me alone in the house for two weeks. After learning this, I got excited and began planning to do some self bondage. I found some vet wrap and duct tape I liked the look of online and ordered a bunch of it not long after they left.

Today it arrived and I got to doing some self bondage. I've never tied myself with vet wrap before so I used that first. My first thought was that they smelled awful, like they'd been dragged through a dirty puddle by a dog or something. I don't know whether all vet wrap is like that but maybe I should have taken it as a sign. I had numerous small rolls of varying colours and I mummified my feet and legs all the way up to my hip with several different coloured rolls. So far so good. Next I got a bunch of long strips of duct tape and laid them out on the floor, my intention being to roll over them to bind my upper body. This has never once worked for me despite how easy other people seem to make it look but I was optimistic this time maybe.

Before I rolled onto it however, I decided to do three things. The first was to wrap my bent legs together in a kind of frogtie. As you might have guessed, I 'like' overkill bondage. I can't just tie my ankles and be happy with that, every time I do self bondage I try to mummify myself, and it always fails hard. But I'll get to that later. Anyway, I did that. Next, I decided to mummify my entire head with vet wrap. Despite my overkill tendencies, even I had never tried it with tape before, but vet wrap seemed like it would work much better. I completely mummified my head except for my nose with a couple of rolls, though admittedly it was somewhat shoddy. It kept me gagged and blindfolded and partially deaf though so I figured it was good enough. Finally, I decided to wrap my hands in vet wrap mittens to make it harder to escape. It was difficult blindfolded but I eventually managed to do it, again somewhat shoddily.

With that, I prepared to roll onto the tape. Of course, it failed again. I'm not the best at rolling so I'd probably have enough trouble with my hands uncovered and my eyes and ears free but somehow I thought I could do it with my head mummified and most sense of touch in my hands obscured by vet wrap. I tried to make the most of it despite my upper body and arms not being properly bound at all but it was a vain effort. After a few minutes, I sighed under my gag and set about freeing myself. One of my vet wrap mittens slid right off which made it easier and I got through my overkill leg bindings suprisingly easy with the scissors I'd kept nearby.

However, I made a big mistake with my head mummification. It was a really hot day and I was sweating buckets underneath the bindings. As well as that, the vet wrap was tight and it felt like my head was being crushed slightly, so I rushed to pull it off. This resulted in me pulling all of my head bindings down from my head to my neck, tangling up the two different rolls of vet wrap I'd used in the process. I wasn't too worried at first. It was making breathing a bit harder but it wasn't completely choking me or cutting off my air, so I finished cutting myself out of my leg bindings.

I got back to untangling the vet wrap collar around my neck only to realise I couldn't. I wasn't able to rip it off, I couldn't find the end of either of the rolls and they were too twisted and tangled around each other for the scissors to be able to cut through. I pulled at it a little longer and then I started to panic. As I said, I wasn't gasping for air or anything, but it was uncomfortably tight around my neck, made it a bit harder to breathe and all the struggling was making me even hotter. I wasn't sure whether it was tight enough to cause me to pass out and die or anything but I figured I probably shouldn't push my luck. I needed to get out of this now.

With my legs free, I went to the kitchen and got some knives out to try and cut through the bandages. After a few attempts where a knife came closer to cutting my skin than I would have liked and didn't seem to be working I put them back and instead opted to try and pull it off over the top of my head or bite through it. When it became clear this was doing nothing whatsoever, I went back to trying to cut through with the knives. This cycle continued for a while with me getting more and more worried, hotter and hotter and with the vet wrap collar seemingly getting tighter and more uncomfortable.

After a while of getting more and more frantic, I examined the collar in a mirror and saw a ray of hope. I'm not sure whether it was the biting, ripping, cutting with a knife or a combination of the three that did it but there was a small hole in the vet wrap. I clutched it and pulled it apart, getting part of it off and finally making some progress. It took a bit longer to find some other bits to grab onto and rip afterwards but I managed it, and finally I pulled the vet wrap off, sweating and exhausted.

I've since had a shower and sat down to write this. I'm not sure how much danger I was in. Maybe I was just overreacting, maybe I was in serious trouble but this whole scenario made me rethink self bondage again. Despite the wait, the excitement, the setup, the long time I spent binding myself thoroughly, I didn't enjoy any of it, and that's not just because I almost choked myself. Self bondage for me always goes like this. I see an opportunity, work myself up and get hyped thinking and preparing for it. Then I actually tie myself up, and it just doesn't stimulate me at all.

I sometimes forcefully stimulate myself by getting on my front and struggling with my 'you know what' rubbing against the floor, but I can't recall a single time I've been stimulated or aroused by the bondage itself. No matter what I do, how much tape or vet wrap I use, what position I tie myself in, how tight it is, I never actually enjoy it once I actually do it. I spend over half an hour tying myself up and eventually I just sigh, free myself after barely two minutes and I'm left feeling 'dirty' and ashamed. All I can think about is what other, better stuff I could have done with my time. I spent over an hour tying myself up and getting free and the strongest feeling I felt was the fear that my neighbours would hear the loud tape ripping and angrily knock on my front door. Yet despite all that, within a month or two, I'll get another opportunity and get excited, only to be predictably disappointed yet again.

I'm sitting here now with well over a roll of tape left and a couple small rolls of vet wrap and almost two weeks left to use them. But I don't want to use them whatsoever. All I can think about is how I'm going to get the remains of my bindings in the bin in a way in which my parents don't see it. This has given me a lot to think about, not just for self bondage, but my supposed DID/Bondage fetish as a whole. I read the stories on here and even mummification doesn't do it for me anymore. I don't understand how people read about someone getting handcuffed or lightly bound and enjoy it. DID art I see and commission online excites me at first but very quickly becomes unappealing to me. If there's even a level of overkill bondage that can arouse me, I don't think I'll ever reach it without someone else to help me. I'm not very social and I'm not willing to approach anyone to ask if they're into it whether they're a stranger or a close friend.

Another thing which I've never really spoke to anyone about is my aversion to stuff of a sexual nature. I see breasts and other sexual parts and it doesn't arouse me, it repulses me. Any bondage with any hint of sexuality or nakedness I come across completely puts me off. I'm even disgusted by my own body which is possibly while I feel horrible after this kind of stuff. It's because of this that I thought myself asexual for a long time until I found DID, and now I'm beginning to question even that as well. I think after this scenario, I'm going to force myself to stop self bondage, if not bondage and DID entirely. Recently, it's started to feel borderline unhealthy. I don't really enjoy looking at and doing DID stuff anymore. It makes me feel ashamed and unproductive and more than anything I'm starting to question whether I enjoyed it to begin with and whether I just got into it to feel normal or something like that.

I apologise if this is kind of a sour note to all you tie up games lovers out there who read this far and I hope it doesn't affect your own enjoyment. It's just something that's been on my mind for a long time and I felt I needed to talk about it. Thanks for reading this far I guess.
BabuFrik

Post by BabuFrik »

I'm sorry that you had this experience. I've had similar scares with self-bondage, very close to yours, and it is terrifying in the moment. People have ebbs and flows with what interests them, and I think you should do only what makes you comfortable and not feel pressured to interact with bondage fetish in a way you won't like.
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Sniffmyfeet
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Post by Sniffmyfeet »

That must have been really scary! It takes a lot of courage to write about a failed attempt at self bondage, because a lot of people feel ashamed about it. Your description of what happened and how you felt is very well-written. So that means I hope you'll stay interested in bondage so you might contribute more stories (and hopefully more successful ones) in the future. :D

Self bondage is a truly tricky and dangerous thing. I actually think that there are not many kinksters that are really able to do self bondage and enjoy it. The only time I've tried self bondage, I took pictures for someone else and that's what stimulated me: that he'd be looking. But it doesn't work for me either when it's truly self bondage and no one else is involved.
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FelixSH
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Post by FelixSH »

First, thanks for the story. There is no reason to apologies for not being entertaining. This forum is about all sorts of bondage related stuff, also the problematic ones, or about questions.

Also, I consider selfbondage to be pretty dangerous, and it's good to have stories that actually tell people about the dangers. It probably can be done safely to a degree, but in generall you should get a partner. Problem is, bondage probably only gets really interesting if you are completely unable to get out of it yourself. Which is, of course, and awful idea for selfbondage.

That's a reason why I don't like selfbondage. I don't have anyone to play with, so the point where it would get interesting is also the point where I would get too stressed out to enjoy it.

To the other point about sexuality, you are not alone with this. I'm asexual, and sex in a story immediately reduces my interest immediately to zero. Just so you know that there is nothing wrong with it. Not sure how you actually feel about it, I just thought it was worth to be mentioned.

In general, please don't feel bad about anything bondage related. Our society still doesn't teach us how to deal with fetishes, this can make it hard to work things out. I'm not sure if you have someone to talk to about this stuff, but feel free to PM me if you need one.

One last tip about getting used tape out: Just put it into a backpack when you go somewhere, and put it in a public trashcan.
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Flyingvulture
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Post by Flyingvulture »

Hey, thanks for sharing.

I share your feeling about self bondage, sadly it'll never be strict or you won't be able to get out.

Unless... Someone creates an Ultrasafe electronic device.

Anyway, don't worry too much about the sexual parts of it. Everyone has different tastes and that's perfectly fine, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. For example, I love it when there's a sexual component in the story, for me it is a must (even if it doesn't make sense).

Cheers!
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