As several have stated in this thread, for me too it is about the look and feel of the clothes current society has ascribed as women's clothes, and not about the "feminine" or being made to look like a woman. While as a teenager I fantasized about TUGs and Femdom scenarios that would be labelled "forced feminization", now that I am older I actually find that label jarring. There has to be better terminology for what we call "crossdressing" and "forced feminization", but I cannot think of any unfortunately. Why should it feel "forced" and humiliating for individuals identifying as male to wear the clothes that they like to wear, but that "current" (as opposed to modern) society has ascribed to non-males? When I was a little boy I liked wearing certain clothes labelled "girls" (nylons mostly), but then one day got teased (in a mean bullying way, not the enjoyable fun way associated with TUGs).
![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_e_sad.gif)
I figure I can claim that my first time "crossdressing" was when I was 8 years old. It was never linked to the TUGs my cousins and I played as kids (we were always dressed in regular play cloths for kids). However, when alone in my room doing self-TUGs as a kid, and later as teenager and throughout my adult life, I found that being tied without a pair of tights/nylons, or even just a pair of my soccer or gym socks, was just not as fun.
That first time I refer to is pretty light crossdressing, if you can even consider it as that. I was wearing a pair of my mom's tan nylon pantyhose under my pants, which in turn were covered by baggy snow pants. I would complain to my parents that my legs would get cold playing outside in the snow and on very cold winter days walking to school. My parents were not financially well off, so my mom gave me a couple of her old tan nylons she no longer wore. I loved wearing them until I made the mistake of wearing them to school on a day we had gym class--I had forgotten that we had gym that day, and the change room was a common boys bathroom. I was teased and laughed at and called a "girl", by all the boys as if it were a bad thing to be a girl. I remember the school's Principal (a man) even calling my parents about the incident and saying that nylons were inappropriate underwear for boys. This was RL (not for fun) humiliation, and I had the sense, even then as a little boy, that it was unfair and somehow was attempting to program me into thinking of girls and "girl stuff" as being lesser than boys and "boy stuff".
![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_e_sad.gif)
Suffice to say that I stopped wearing those nylons and even threw them out. My mom saved up some money and got me a couple of pairs of acrylic blue long-johns for boys. They were itchy and ugly, but did the job. However, I would still occasionally, when playing self-TUGs alone in my room, sneak out a pair of my mom's tights from the dirty laundry pile, and sneak them back into the dirty laundry pile after my game. I had the unfortunate sense, because of that incident at school, that I was now doing something very wrong.
![Embarrassed :oops:](./images/smilies/icon_redface.gif)
It would not be until I was a young adult and able to buy myself my own pairs of opaque tights that I started to wear them again under trousers regularly, as I just preferred their feel to anything else I could wear under pants. Slowly, very slowly, I rebuilt my self-confidence to wear the cloths I do like and feel good wearing. The first time I bought a pair for myself, I was very uncomfortable. I must have turned beat-red when the clerk--a cute young woman--came up to me and asked me if they were for myself. I made up a lame excuse that they were for my girlfriend, along with fake height and weight measurements that would have placed this imaginary person in the same size category as me for the brand of opaques I was eyeing. It would be several more years before I could be open with the clerks at stocking stores that I was buying for both myself and my RL wife as I would be buying from two different size categories. And how refreshingly open and accepting the clerks are in these stores!
Fast forward to today, and I must have over two-dozen pairs of opaque tights and opaque thigh-high stockings (I've lost count, I have cotton/Lycra blends for winter, shiny opaques, mat opaques, in all sorts of colours, but my favourite are dark blue and navy). I also tried out for a while a pair of sheer nylons, but didn't like the look as much. My wife also loves the look and feel of opaque tights on my legs (barely can keep her hands to herself when I wear them at home). However, she does not like the look of sheer pantyhose or stockings on me--and that makes sense since I have hairy legs and my wife does not want me to shave my legs (which is totally fine by me).
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif)
In terms of "crossdressing" activities other than wearing tights:
-I never felt the need to shave my legs (forbidden anyway by my wife)
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif)
-I never felt the need to wear facial make-up or long-hair wigs (with the exception of trying blue lipstick once in order to impersonate a villain in a D&D movie)
![Wink ;)](./images/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif)
-I absolutely adore wearing spandex leotards, but not as often as tights, and have only a couple so far (a black one and a blue one)
-I do like the look of nail polish (but have only ever done so on my toenails, and my wife thinks it makes my toes look cute)
-I do like to wear kilts, but only in private, and wish it were more widely acceptable for men to wear them in public where I live (along with tights and not just kilt hose)
-I do like to wear a waist cincher (I have one, 6 inch wide, made of leather, zippered front, laced back) and would love to one day be fitted (and be able to afford) a proper bespoke underbust corset (locking of course).
-I do like to wear ballet flats (not just ballet slippers, but actual shoes with a proper sole--they have started making them for men now, but still not common enough)
-I do not mind wearing high heels, but it does nothing for my wife (had a pair once, 4 inch patent leather, but very rarely wore them so gave them away)
Before concluding my rather long post here (my apologies again if this is too long), I must question again the expressions "crossdress" and "forced feminization." I don't know if my description of my activities above would have me be accepted as a "crossdresser" or be labelled something else. Would the labelling be truly inclusive or would it be excluding me (as I felt being excluded by those gym-room boys, so many years ago)? The way I see it today, I would still enjoy wearing and doing all the activities described in this thread (wearing of certain articles of clothing and body apparel, combined, or not, with TUGs) regardless to what gender they are assigned to by "current" society by default.
So for me, at least, barring a troublesome and confusing few years, it is genuinely about the personal feel, the self-image, of being the true me, and not about the taboo or of being made or "forced" to be anything else but just me. And I am finally comfortable with that in the privacy of my own home, with my loving and caring wife. It just saddens me that it took me so many decades to come to only this point, and just how much more change our society still has to go through to become more accepting and inclusive, and hopefully one day reach the Vulcan IDIC: Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations (sorry for finishing off on a Star Trek reference).
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif)
![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_e_sad.gif)