People that don't show up to meet.

[Deleted User 1370]

I recently had an opportunity to meet a young man who was really excited to meet and try some new things out. The first time conflict arose and I couldn't host. The second time we planned a time for him to come over. Both times he stopped answering/sending texts until it was too late anyway and I worked on rescheduling. It also took like 2 hours each time to set things up right for his experience.

Has anyone had this happen? It seems to be an ongoing thing with people I try to meet with. Is there a way to fix it or do I just let this one go?

[Deleted User 153]

In my opinion; let go. At a certain point, unfortunately you end up waisting time and energy

Had a similar experience: Chatted with a guy for a few weeks, decided to meet up, fixed a date weeks in advance, as the day came closer to discuss the details: no response to texts, messages,…

A few days later, I got a message with a million excuses, he was too busy, had other plans in the meantime… and if I wanted to set a new date.
Because there is a lack of likeminded people in my area, I was quite tempted to give it another try. So a new date was picked. Same story. Never heard of him again.

I’m not sure if you can ever fix it. A lot of people have a big mouth, but chicken out at the last minute… but if anyone has an idea on a solution to this, please do share!

[MaxRoper]

Sometimes something sounds good, you look forward to it, start to get anxious, then freak out at the last minute. For many people it's more fun to anticipate than to actually go through with it.

I've had two meet-ups with people I met online and both have gone well. I suppose the best way to avoid flakes is to invest more time. A couple weeks probably isn't enough. I corresponded with one person for over a year before we agreed to meet, the other one even longer.

Besides weeding out flakes, a long buildup gives you a better chance to get to know your potential partner. Our game is full of risk, especially if you're a sub, so taking your time and being extra careful is always a good plan.

My advice: Keep trying, and be patient.

[bondagefreak]

[mention]ricktied[/mention]
Hello my friend.
I wanted to talk to you about this by private messaging, but I'm glad you decided to open up a public thread about it instead.

Yes, most of us (those who engage in RL tugs) have had similar experiences.

There are tons of guys like him who'd pay to get tied up by you.
If I were you, I'd have cut him off right after the first time he didn't show up.

Trust me, you'll find other young guys to tie up...guys that'll actually show up when you book a meeting.



The other thing I noticed, is that subs tend to get squirmy when I book something too far in advance.

Several of them have admitted to me that the apprehension is great and blows up exponentially during the days preceding the meetup. My boi ([mention]sniffingyoursocks[/mention]) relates similar feelings when meeting guys for the first time, and I find myself having to calm him down a lot.


Having said that, I've stopped booking stuff too far in advance.

I know it's not always possible, but THE best and most laid back meetups I've had were instant (-24 hour advance notice) hook ups.

The sub has no time to feel too much apprehension and arrives at your place feeling surprisingly laid back and relaxed. Those meetups were ALWAYS more enjoyable than the ones I tried planning weeks ahead of time.

You have no time to ponder expectations.


Some guys on here (not naming names) are appalled by the spontaneous nature of my RL TUG experiences. However, a lot of subs find themselves favouring the unknown once they learn to trust the Dom. That makes spontaneous meetups much more appealing and desirable.

I don't care what self-proclaimed arbiters of right vs. wrong have to say about it. It's MUCH more human and personal when you don't plan your stuff in cement, and just go with the mood and feel. If you like/need to plan, just try to stay flexible.

Ex: I've often met with first-time subs who wanted me to go all out on them and try out some intense bondage.
After meeting up, going out for a drink and spending some time talking, you sometimes have to talk some sense into them and coerce them into being more reasonable.


Same thing goes for booking bondage meetups.
It's often better to book stuff on a shorter notice.

[Jason Toddman]

[mention]bondagefreak[/mention]
Virtually every TUG i ever had was either pretty much spontaneous or done with people I'd already had TUGs with. Despite having no long-term arrangements (let alone any arranged online) to compare them to, i am sure that was the best way to go for me. Especially when I was still an adolescent, no TUG partner I ever had caused me the slightest bit of disappointment. Though as a sub I was easy to please and eager to please, both.

[sniffingyoursocks]

Hey [mention]ricktied[/mention], I‘m glad that you brought that one up too!

As [mention]MaxRoper[/mention] said, as a sub, you have to be VERY careful. I also want to establish a base of trust to the guy who I let dominate myself.
For me it is pretty important I SOMEHOW know the guy who is tying me up and trust him.

The very first meeting is always special.
Every sub thinks about letting it drop somehow, I guess. For me, that was never an option, in the end. I made an appointment, so I‘ll go. That‘s a question of personality, too.

When I feel it‘s not matching with someone, I tell it this way, before scheduling an appointment. That‘s for my good and for the Dom‘s too - as I also don‘t want to rise hopes.

That being said - Sadly, I don‘t have any solution for you...
Just as my Master [mention]bondagefreak[/mention] said, there are TONS of subs eagerly waiting in lide to be under your care. Keep your head up

[drawscore]

I'd be cautious about meeing people you don't know. The guy who says he's 22 and buff, may actually be fat and 50.

Drawscore

[bondagefreak]

[mention]drawscore[/mention]
That's like saying "don't go outside, it might rain".

I think using caution pretty much goes without saying. It's the same caution you use when you're crossing a street, locking your front door or shopping online.


Lots of people lie about their appearance and age on online meet-up/dating sites.
If you don't like the way someone looks or are disappointed that the person in question decided to pose as his younger self by showing you his decade-old profile pics, then you just have to walk away and call it quits.

Besides.
You can't know someone without meeting them first.

[Deleted User 1370]

I appreciate everyone's thoughts. I've decided to not let it bug me much. Made me mad I spent so much time setting things up, but there's more important things to worry about. Glad I'm not the only one who has been through this sort of thing.

[Pup]

I would say generally if it's someone you know well, planning ahead doesn't hurt, though the wait can kill you, if it's someone new, short term planning or being mostly spontaneous has worked better for me.

Just depends on the people you meet.

[Deleted User 1005]

Meeting people online alway has its risks. Many people don't think of them until the last minute and get cold feet. I never meet people off the web

[Tiedinjordans]

Are you near Michigan? Lol
If I say I want to meet, I’m serious about it. I hate when people tease.

[Tsuhaya]

I'm a very anxious person, I'm not the type who disappears without reasons, my common sense speaks louder and I always go, but make a date with many weeks in advance makes me nervous and hinders the course of my dail life, as [mention]bondagefreak[/mention] said, make a date with a shorter waiting time can help, but unfortunately it is something that we are not free, there will always be people who or simply go away without explanation, sometimes it's something that we have to learn to deal with because we can not completely avoid it.

[RKOJason03]

It can be they’re shy or scared of meeting people like strangers. Especially if they aren’t adults.

[Chris12]

You shouldn't be bothered by it. Meeting complete strangers who could be far different then who they claim to be seems very stressful. Its only natural some people end up getting cold feet over it.

[Tights tights tights]

I have one person who is up for meeting me in person so I could tie them up. Keeps saying that they will meet me on a certain time nd date, but is constantly wimping out at the last minute. . This has been going on for months now.

As what some of the other guys have said above.. it's not always the case that they are messing you around.. it IS because they are just nervous about meeting a stranger for the first time in order to be tied up... I admit .. I have chickened out at the the minute before.. I have even lied nd pretended that I was working on a certain day because I did not feel ready to participate in any activity such as that.

Just give them more time, they may eventually pluck up the initiative nd courage to meet you.

[Deleted User 667]

I always offer to meet a person for coffee at a cafe bef ore our first play session. It helps people calm down a lot when you offer to meet somewhere public

[Cleavegagger]

A very good strategy. I always meet People in a public place the first time too. Being a game off trust i wanna talk to the People i'm about to Tie up. With some People i've met i even had a few talks before thé trust was big enough to start playing