Advice

[Loverofbondage]

Hi everybody! I am new to the board and need some advice.

I have always loved bondage and have done lots of self-bondage in my lifetime. However, what I always longed for was a girlfriend to dominate me.

I am with a girl now and we are absolutely in love. She is such a wonderful person. When I explained to her my love of bondage she was intrigued, despite the fact she had never done bondage previously. Within a month and a half of dating, I was able to get her to tie me up. It was so hot. She would dominate me just as I always envisioned. I really expected it to get even better.

Eventually she would tie me up every Saturday night. She was great at dominating me.I even started tying her up every now and then. This was all while she was living at a friend’s house. We bought many toys and sexy outfits. However, there were times where I can tell she was just kind of doing it because I wanted it and was not enjoying it as much back. Part of doing bondage with a partner is you both have to enjoy it.

Eventually we moved into our own place. I really expected our bondage life to get even kinkier. The frame was left by the previous owner and we talked about all the way we could tie ropes to it when we first saw it. However, since we moved in together, our bondage life has stalled.

We have been living together almost a year now and have only done bondage a handful of times. We went from doing it every Saturday night to barely doing it as she thinks having a set day to do bondage is weird. Half of the toys we bought, we have never used or only used once or twice. We have even had arguments over it. There have been nights where I have wanted it and it just never happened. I have asked her to be honest with me numerous times about whether or not she likes it and she and she keeps telling me she does, but I kind of get the feeling she does not enjoy that much if at all. She even recently admitted that she enjoys being tied up more than she does tying me up. So now pretty much every time we do bondage, it ends with her being tied up.


Now I really want to get back into bondage regularly, like we were doing in the beginning but have no idea how to bring it up to her because every time I bring it up, we tend to argue about it.

How do I bring this up to her without arguing about it with her?

[CarouselCowboy13]

I would say see if you can reason with her. To sort of say if you Tie Her Up. And make her Happy. Would she agree to do the same for you. Or would she would agree to let someone. She may know to come Tie You Up.

[Loverofbondage]

Thank you! The reasoning part might help but we are not interested into bringing in a third person.

[DallasNotAustin]

So sorry to read about this whole falling out ordeal but I've been in that same situation so hopefully I can shine a little insight into it. So the first thing that I think you need to remember about any relationship, but a kinky one too, is that you cannot EVER force your partner to do something they don't want to do. I understand that you have kinks and desires, but if your partner is uncomfortable indulging in bondage with you, you are in no position to force them to do so. That said, I think that there are a few ways you can go about approaching them which I'll detail below.

1. Be completely honest
This is definitely the route I'd take and it's honestly the best route to take if you want to keep this relationship going. It really can't hurt if you, in a completely non confrontational manner, sit her down and tell her how you feel. I think that if you approach this the right way, you can reach a solution that should relieve some of the tension. Please note however, that this solution may not be the one that you're looking for, and it sucks, but it is reality.

2. Express That If She Doesn't Want To Indulge In Your Fantasies, Other People Might Be Able To Help
Like what CarouselCowboy13 said, introducing a 3rd party who can alleviate your fantasies and maintain a professional environment (like a professional dominatrix) and should satisfy your needs might help out some. Please be aware however, hiring a dominatrix can be pricey and your girlfriend may not feel comfortable with you getting intimate with another person like that.

3. Consider Seeing Other People
Definitely the nuclear option of the three, but something you should keep on the table and be aware that is a possibility. If you feel like bondage is a MUST HAVE in a relationship to the point where you could not fathom a relationship without bondage being a significant aspect of it, I don't think it's unreasonable to consider breaking up. I really don't think this should be considered a logical solution but it is still one that's on the table, even if it isn't the best idea.

Please take what I said with a grain of salt as I am not a relationship expert by any stretch of the imagination, but it's just some intuition I think you could get some help from. Hope it helps and good luck!

[CarouselCowboy13]

[mention]Loverofbondage[/mention] You're welcome and I hope that ya'll can come to a peaceful and Nice solution

[Nexus]

Heh, turns out I have some experience here. First I’ll describe my situation, so you know where my advice is coming from. I’m married. We’ve been together 13 years. In the early years our bondage sessions were numerous and fun. As the years went by she seemed to enjoy them less and less. Eventually she seemed to be not enjoying them at all, which in turn made me not enjoy them because as it’s been stated by multiple users here in the past, at that point it just felt like abuse. After years of this, I finally made the decision to look for other women to play with...behind my wife’s back. While the sessions themselves were incredibly rewarding, I lived with a lot of guilt. To compound on that, my wife recently discovered my indiscretions, and I may have done irreparable damage to my marriage.

So. I think my first question for you is, how important to you is practicing bondage? Could you live without it for the rest of your life? Sounds drastic, I know, but isn’t the point of being in a relationship to find someone to spend the rest of your life with? If bondage is a need for you (and there’s nothing wrong with that), then you definitely need to have an honest conversation with your gf about it. As stated above, this may end negatively for the time being (breaking up), but better that than both of you being unfulfilled together and arguably wasting time, or causing each other hurt later on. Trust me on that one.

[McMurdoPI]

Some great advice being offered here. Honestly, as much as rope is an important thing to me, I would be fine with keeping my activities to self bondage if the right person came along who was not interested in rope. However if your partner is showing a disinterest in the things you enjoy it may just also be a sign that things will not work out long term. Sure rope is one interest, but if this is just another thing she is not interested in a longer series of "mismatches" it may be time to let her know this.

Rope is extra important to me though as that is one of the main ways I make intimate contact with my SO. Because I am on the asexual spectrum (demi to be specific) I generally share my intimacy through this medium.

[Loverofbondage]

Update: We talked and it turns out she was just under the impression that she was terrible at dominating me. I explained to her that is not the case at all and she is actually really great at it. She appreciated this and we will be starting up our bondage activities again this weekend.

Also, I explained to her about a fantasy I have to be feminized. There have been a few times where she has put make up on me while I was tied up and thought this was really corny. I explained to her this has long been a fantasy of mine, to be feminized and as a result, she is going to feminize me and keep me tied up for an entire day in a couple of weeks for my birthday. She is already talking about going shopping for a wig for me, a nightgown, a dress, bras, panties, etc. I can tell she had this evil look in her eye when I mentioned this to her. I cannot wait for this experience. I will keep everybody updated on our bondage adventures!

[DallasNotAustin]

Glad it worked out for you! Can't wait to read about your exploits in the future!

[Loverofbondage]

Thank you! I am definitely going to post the story describing my day of feminization. I must say, she did really up the ante with it and I think might be more excited about it than me. My idea originally was just to be tied to the bed during sex wearing a bra and panties with make up. She is the one who said to me “You want to be dressed up, made over, and tied up all day, correct.” I was not going to say no to that.