How accepted in bondage in society?

[FelixSH]

I apologize for the necro, but I'm genuinely surprised to find someone who sees bondage the same way that I do, and I wish there was a term for this exact feeling. I steered clear of the overall bdsm community because I wasn't interested in anything beyond the bondage aspect of it. I am also asexual and part of realizing that was accepting that bondage was the extent of my interests.

It's still bondage. I mean, nothing wrong with having a different term, if that would feel better for you. But bondage also includes Shibari, which is, as far as I know, a purely asthetic thing. If you feel excluded, because bondage to you isn't about sex, you don't need to. You are still part of the umbrella.

I'm asexuell, but more in the sense that bondage is the replacement of sex for me. The thought of sex with another person does nothing for me, but the thought of being tied up works very well in that regard. It's also more, though. It's also calming and meditative, and is a very interesting visualisation of helplessness, which is fascinating completely aside from it being able to make me horny.

Point is, you are not alone, even if your interests don't map completely onto mine.

[MtnReign]

I apologize for the necro, but I'm genuinely surprised to find someone who sees bondage the same way that I do, and I wish there was a term for this exact feeling. I steered clear of the overall bdsm community because I wasn't interested in anything beyond the bondage aspect of it. I am also asexual and part of realizing that was accepting that bondage was the extent of my interests.

It's still bondage. I mean, nothing wrong with having a different term, if that would feel better for you. But bondage also includes Shibari, which is, as far as I know, a purely asthetic thing. If you feel excluded, because bondage to you isn't about sex, you don't need to. You are still part of the umbrella.

I'm asexuell, but more in the sense that bondage is the replacement of sex for me. The thought of sex with another person does nothing for me, but the thought of being tied up works very well in that regard. It's also more, though. It's also calming and meditative, and is a very interesting visualisation of helplessness, which is fascinating completely aside from it being able to make me horny.

Point is, you are not alone, even if your interests don't map completely onto mine.

I appreciate that, and I've always favored more practical bondage than something like shibari. I find shibari to be boring, it's kind of pretty but overall it's a snooze.

You also make a good point that it is a replacement for you, I also treat it this way albeit I have no interest in anything beyond tie up.

[tiedinbluetights]

Very interesting thread, and I've learned something new: what necroposting is. A week ago, when I first joined (this is my first online community since my alt... days on Usenet), I came across this thread and was thinking of replying, not realizing that it would have been considered a necro and generally a bad thing! lol.

What I wanted to reply to this thread is basically three observations I've made over the years (they are anecdotal, at best, so please "take them with a grain of salt").

First, most "mainstream" people seem to me to make a clear distinction between TUGs and bondage; society at large doesn't seem to treat them as synonymous activities. TUGs are what children play when they play "cops and robbers" or similar games, while bondage is what kinky adults play for sexual purposes. As some posters have pointed out, some communities are tolerant of kids doing TUGs (tolerated because it is perceived as asexual and as something kids will grow "out of" eventually) and of adults doing bondage (but still perceived as a sexual deviance, and so required by tolerant social mores to be an activity away from public sight). But an adult playing a TUG, just for that, purely for the TUG itself, completely asexually, does not fit into this dichotomy, hence a social unease or even distrust. From what I've read so far across multiple topics, there are some of us who are more fortunate than others and live within what I'd call, for lack of a better vocabulary, real-life "micro-communities" that are very open and accepting of their interest and participation in TUGs/bondage.

This brings me to my second observation (still with a grain of slat) and what I am trying to express by "micro-community". I grew up in what could be considered a small rural area, and ended up living in what could be considered a huge metropolitan area. Basically, while it may seem that larger metropolitan areas are more accepting, it does not follow that one's immediate entourage (friends, co-workers, family ...) in that area would be more accepting. We are all aware of that, hence the need to have online communities like this one. Most of use would never dare tell our everyday friends in RL, even if we live in places known to host regular fetish and bondage events.

My final observation is related to "fetish". I claimed above that there appears to be a rigid dichotomy between what "mainstream" society considers asexual activities (kids playing TUGs) and what it, in contrast, considers kinky sexual activities (bondage kinks for adults). As others have pointed out, bondage is a very broad umbrella "fetish" and can, but does not have to, incorporate a whole bunch of co-lateral fetishes (body worship, olfactophilia, crossdressing, masochism, ...). In my experience, and I acknowledge that this is very anecdotal to myself, mainstream people have, at some level, a sense that even for kids, TUGs are perhaps not necessarily "purely" asexual or otherwise fetish free.

For example, I have very strong and clear memories about what interested me in TUGs, even as a 5-year-old kid. Even at that young age, when playing TUGs with cousins, siblings and on occasion even neighbourhood kids, I "settled" for being tied-up or captured by "other boys", cared very little for tying-up girls and boys even if they begged me to do so unless they promised they would return the favour, but absolutely loved, and even occasionally went out of my way, to have "girls" capture and tie me up. I would also imagine or fantasize, that if it was a boy tying me up, it was at the command of a girl. Moreover, I also imagined or fantasied, even for plain old cops and robbers games, that my "girl" captors tied me up for the intent of tormenting me with either tickles of "forced" foot kisses and smelling, in order for them to turn me into a "toy" for them. In retrospect, there was definitely a gender-biased component, as well as the "seeds" of later full-blown fetishes, to those games.

If those memories of mine are accurate, then clearly the adults who supervised our kid games, or found out about them after the fact, must have noticed the inherent biases as well; there is no way that as kid I would have been able to hide those preferences and biases.

So while I agree with the most recent posts that bondage (as in an inherently sexual activity between consenting adults, in contrast to an asexual activity purely for the sake of a TUG) has become more acceptable in certain parts of the world, I do also think that even in those parts of the world, acceptance of bondage is a far more nuanced and complex an acceptance that than a simple "yeah, it's OK." There will always be some level of unease or even distrust. Hence, I believe society, at whatever level, will never be fully accepting in the sense of being totally inclusive of people who practice bondage. Acceptance in growing micro-communities within the society, yes, but those micro-communities will always reach some critical mass and will never, in my humble opinion, reach the stage of full inclusiveness within the larger society.

Hope this is not considered a necropost!

[Trammel]

Here in Romania it probably isn't. It's a very conservative country,and you'd probably get made fun of for that. I know that my friends would probably be accepting.
Weirdly enough,I am completely asexual (for all I know),and I like bondage only for the tying up component,I think that makes me even more of a "freak" in society's eyes.

I apologize for the necro, but I'm genuinely surprised to find someone who sees bondage the same way that I do, and I wish there was a term for this exact feeling. I steered clear of the overall bdsm community because I wasn't interested in anything beyond the bondage aspect of it. I am also asexual and part of realizing that was accepting that bondage was the extent of my interests.

I too like bondage purely for the tying up component. It's difficult to find videos or stories which don't stray into the realm of pornography which I am definitely not into. I have found it nearly impossible to find people who see bondage as I do. It has always seemed odd to me that people find it to be perfectly normal to get an adrenaline rush by jumping out of airplanes with a parachute or jumping off a bridge attached to a bungee cord, but somehow being tied up is weird.

[MtnReign]

Here in Romania it probably isn't. It's a very conservative country,and you'd probably get made fun of for that. I know that my friends would probably be accepting.
Weirdly enough,I am completely asexual (for all I know),and I like bondage only for the tying up component,I think that makes me even more of a "freak" in society's eyes.

I apologize for the necro, but I'm genuinely surprised to find someone who sees bondage the same way that I do, and I wish there was a term for this exact feeling. I steered clear of the overall bdsm community because I wasn't interested in anything beyond the bondage aspect of it. I am also asexual and part of realizing that was accepting that bondage was the extent of my interests.

I too like bondage purely for the tying up component. It's difficult to find videos or stories which don't stray into the realm of pornography which I am definitely not into. I have found it nearly impossible to find people who see bondage as I do. It has always seemed odd to me that people find it to be perfectly normal to get an adrenaline rush by jumping out of airplanes with a parachute or jumping off a bridge attached to a bungee cord, but somehow being tied up is weird.

I have looked online and found no definition or community that matches that feeling. The best results I had were at a local meet up and it was really casual. Even then, the rest of the people there saw it more through the lense of bdsm and all the entailing ideas that go with that. After a certain point, I wasn't interested anymore. I've come to terms that I will probably never fit in at munches or bdsm events in general.