Partner not into it

[nylongag]

So, what do people do if their partner or significant other is just not into bondage? After all, it's only one aspect of life.
So how do people deal with it?

[abcdefsmith3]

My girlfriend is not in to bondage at all or tying me up. However she did buy me a pair of handcuffs for my birthday once just for fun. So I’m sometimes cheeky and say “can I get the handcuffs out” and she doesn’t mind putting them on me while she pleases me.
However it’s a shame she’s in to nothing more. Sometimes you’ve just got to start small and ask and then see if you can add another element.
I have to be grateful for what she does, even if it is minimal and nothing too hardcore, because it’s better than nothing.
If it’s something she isn’t in to, you’ve got to respect that though.

[ExcessivelyCurious]

When it comes to something like this, boundaries, communication and understanding are very important. If your partner isn't into bondage, you're just going to have to accept that. If bondage is very important for you, you're probably going to have to have a conversation about it with your partner. Or you could just drop it and let it be.

Now, there are several places you go from there. In some cases the partner might be willing to do a little bit to keep you happy. But if they're really not into it, don't pressure them. If you're not strictly monogamous, there's an option there; I know one couple where the boyfriend is into it but the girlfriend isn't, so they've agreed he can go outside the relationship for that. Or on the smallest level, you could still just watch videos.

But you might get a situation where there's no options. In that case I guess you just have to drop the bondage. Or exclusively date kinky people, I guess.

[Nexus]

This depends on how important bondage is to you. It took me 14 years, 8 of those married, to realize that my passion for bondage is a need, more than a want. With my wife being unwilling to allow me to satisfy this passion, I made the very difficult decision to end my marriage.

Every person, and every relationship is different. Each individual has to measure what is important to them in life to make them happy. It’s definitely not an easy thing to figure out, but from experience I recommend thinking long and hard about it before engaging in serious, time consuming relationships.

[sami200456boyfriend]

Respect their wishes and just be with your friends who are into it.

[MtnReign]

It's definitely a relationship dealbreaker for me, best to make sure they're into it beforehand. Otherwise you'll likely end up feeling unfulfilled, just my opinion though.

[Elusive_Lady]

When it comes to something like this, boundaries, communication and understanding are very important. If your partner isn't into bondage, you're just going to have to accept that. If bondage is very important for you, you're probably going to have to have a conversation about it with your partner. Or you could just drop it and let it be.

Now, there are several places you go from there. In some cases the partner might be willing to do a little bit to keep you happy. But if they're really not into it, don't pressure them. If you're not strictly monogamous, there's an option there; I know one couple where the boyfriend is into it but the girlfriend isn't, so they've agreed he can go outside the relationship for that. Or on the smallest level, you could still just watch videos.

But you might get a situation where there's no options. In that case I guess you just have to drop the bondage. Or exclusively date kinky people, I guess.

I don't see how anyone could have said this better.

[BoundandgaggedN8T]

I’m very lucky to have a girlfriend who loves to be tied up so I wouldn’t know but if bondage is a big thing in your life then you probably should end the relationship or you’ll always be missing something.

[GirlBondage]

I think that 80-85% of the women are into bondage. In psychology, we would speak of a blind spot in the personality. An inclination that most people are simply not even known about.

Many automatically associate bondage with pain and this is the fear that you have to take away from the person by slowly introducing them to bondage.

In the case of sadomaso practices associated with pain, there are far fewer women who are into it. That is why it is important to separate this.

Furthermore, as often described in my stories, women are embarrassed to be tied up or even to admit that they are into it. Here it helps to explain that we are both among ourselves and that I have the passion.

I hope I have been able to help you a little with this : )

[MtnReign]

I think that 80-85% of the women are into bondage. In psychology, we would speak of a blind spot in the personality. An inclination that most people are simply not even known about.

Many automatically associate bondage with pain and this is the fear that you have to take away from the person by slowly introducing them to bondage.

In the case of sadomaso practices associated with pain, there are far fewer women who are into it. That is why it is important to separate this.

Furthermore, as often described in my stories, women are embarrassed to be tied up or even to admit that they are into it. Here it helps to explain that we are both among ourselves and that I have the passion.

I hope I have been able to help you a little with this : )

That's very interesting, I would have to agree from my own experience. Most of the women that I've tied up, came back later on and asked me about it. Only ever met two people who sought it out from the get go, the others were willing to try it and it ended up being something they liked.

As far as the psychology of this goes, do you have any more insight?

[GirlBondage]

This is of course another very important aspect that I forgot. You first have to develop a trust in the rigger to really enjoy being tied up.

Once you are well and securely tied up, there is a steep power imbalance between rigger and sub. The rigger could do anything to his victim when he is tied up. But when the victim is freed after a short game, she realises that it wasn't so bad. After I usually heard from the victim that it was an interesting experience, so we extended our games.

Another question is the cultural background. In the northern hemisphere, with the exception of Australia, bondage is more widespread than in the southern hemisphere. Thats my own expirience.


Here are another (fictual) storys on the topic:

The Living Mannequin (FF/F)
https://tugstories.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=15580

Seduced, Tied Up, In Love (F/F)
https://tugstories.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=15238

Unexpected adventure (M/FF)
https://tugstories.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=13741

Be careful how you treat your admirer (m/f)
https://tugstories.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=13485

The feeling of being captivated can move mountains (M/F)
https://tugstories.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=14889

[illest]

This is interesting because I feel we've kind of hit a snag in this. Like my wife doesn't seem to be into bondage(or anything kinky). However the things she wants in sex sre plain jane imho and just don't turn me on.

It's getting to be something I really have to think about because as a person I'm virtually indebted to her. She's brought me out through a lot of bad things in life and outside of our sexual life we're thick as thieves in every other aspect. As far as our sex life goes though, I'm basically bored. Her view of sex just comes across as boring, contrived, scientific, and just not fun to me. I guess that's the big thing. I'm at a point where I find myself not really trying to engage in sexual activity because it's just not fun any more.

[BoundandgaggedN8T]

This is interesting because I feel we've kind of hit a snag in this. Like my wife doesn't seem to be into bondage(or anything kinky). However the things she wants in sex sre plain jane imho and just don't turn me on.

It's getting to be something I really have to think about because as a person I'm virtually indebted to her. She's brought me out through a lot of bad things in life and outside of our sexual life we're thick as thieves in every other aspect. As far as our sex life goes though, I'm basically bored. Her view of sex just comes across as boring, contrived, scientific, and just not fun to me. I guess that's the big thing. I'm at a point where I find myself not really trying to engage in sexual activity because it's just not fun any more.

Dang, that sucks.

[illest]

This is interesting because I feel we've kind of hit a snag in this. Like my wife doesn't seem to be into bondage(or anything kinky). However the things she wants in sex sre plain jane imho and just don't turn me on.

It's getting to be something I really have to think about because as a person I'm virtually indebted to her. She's brought me out through a lot of bad things in life and outside of our sexual life we're thick as thieves in every other aspect. As far as our sex life goes though, I'm basically bored. Her view of sex just comes across as boring, contrived, scientific, and just not fun to me. I guess that's the big thing. I'm at a point where I find myself not really trying to engage in sexual activity because it's just not fun any more.

Dang, that sucks.

It is kind of a downer. I usually wind up tying myself up when she's away to at least get my own entertainment. I've thought about telling her about that but got cold feet. In a way though I feel like if I can at least get her approval for me to tie myself up when she's away to get it out of my system then that would at least give me some leeway. She already knows that I watch and read about bondage related things a lot and that I like tying up and being tied up; she however doesn't know(or at least I don't think she knows) that I sometimes tie myself up when she's at work.

I also do a bit of bondage art as well from time to time, but haven't really committed to it. It's a good way to put some of my fantasy scenarios in visual form without actually doing it.

[GirlBondage]

Have you not even talked about bondage when she already knows that you are interested in?

I do not know how it is between you two but I take in such a case the command into my own hands. That pleases many women anyway.

But if I understand correctly, you want to be tied up by your wife. And I agree with you. Women are more into the passive part and usually find it hard to take the ropes in their hands.

But the most important thing is to talk about it.