Those who play in person, what has been your most effective method of finding TUG buddies in real life?
Dating apps? Particular websites? Other methods?
Best way to find IRL TUG partner?
The safest bet is to be just a tad more candid about your interests to those you trust. This of course asks a lot, but it also means that those you know well can relay your interests to those who are in their circle and are like minded. It takes time and there is no guarantee it would lead to what you envision. However there is a real possibility you will find someone compatible.
Hello everyone! 32, m, Michigan, always willing to chat and help new folks get oriented.
-
bondagefreak
- Honorary Member
- Posts: 5507
- Joined: 6 years ago
- Location: Québec
- Contact:
I know you're open to playing with either men or women, so that leaves you with a wide-open playing field as far as hook up platforms go.
To hook up with chicks, use Fetlife and Tinder. To hook up with guys, just use Recon, Grindr or Scruff. There are some other good hookup sites, but a lot of them are EU based and won't have any Americans/Non-Europeans for you to meet up with.
P.s- This forum is rife with guys who are afraid of meeting other people IRL, not to mention those whose only bondage-related experiences date back to before the age of the internet. Hence why threads like these always receive downright absurd replies along the lines of "meetups are dangerous, so stick to your friends & family". In other words, a perfect recipe for remaining single and/or kink-closeted at this day in age.
Suffice to say, there are tons of guys and gals in your area who are into this stuff. The vast majority of them are on one (or several) of those hookup platforms I've listed above. Fetlife is a little difficult to use for hookup purposes (since it isn't geared towards that) but it's still somewhat feasible.
The best advice I can give you is to just be yourself, specify what you want and keep your expectations low.
All those of us who regularly hook up with other enthusiasts/kinksters will tell you the same thing. You'll come across some good apples and some not so good ones. The good hookups will gift you with awesome memories (not to mention potential new friendships/connections). The mediocre meetups will help you get to know yourself better and they'll help you get a better idea of what you're not looking for.
Either way, take it easy, have fun and remember to take it slow
Last edited by bondagefreak 2 years ago, edited 1 time in total.
Are you looking for a m/m encounter? If so, I'd recommend Grindr, and just make it clear in your profile what you're looking for. If not, I've found Fetlife to be a really great site for connecting with similarly kinky-minded people, especially if you live in a big city.
For safety, I'd really recommend meeting the person in a public place first, at a coffee shop, bar, or a walk in a park. It's a good way to get a feel for a person, to see if you'd feel comfortable with engaging in kinky fun with them, and of course, if you can trust them. Make sure to be open about your hard limits (what you don't like), and see if you're both on the same page.
For safety, I'd really recommend meeting the person in a public place first, at a coffee shop, bar, or a walk in a park. It's a good way to get a feel for a person, to see if you'd feel comfortable with engaging in kinky fun with them, and of course, if you can trust them. Make sure to be open about your hard limits (what you don't like), and see if you're both on the same page.
-
Lucky Lottie
- Centennial Club
- Posts: 230
- Joined: 4 years ago
- Location: Australia
From personal experience I've never used a dating site, mainly because I'm not the dating type, but also because I like references. FetLife is terrible with notifications but it has a pretty clear friend system so I can follow the trail of would be rope buddies.
My first interactions were at local munches, I looked up people in my area who were kinky and saw that they had a meet up. Went in and said hi (I was terrified), opened up about my interests. @McMurdoPI is right about being candid, if you've met someone for something like a rope session it's worth putting the cards out. I've played with a few of the people from my first munch, the real benefit is having a social group in the space. Even if you don't have the exact interests the crossover helps a lot.
If I'm being honest, once a rigger or a bunny finds a few playmates they tend to stop actively looking and more likely rely on word of mouth for the next reliable play mate. I'm definitely guilty of this, I'm always open to meeting new people but there are a lot of flaky people who will 'definitely show up at 11am for lunch' only to find an excuse at the last second
.
Every community is different so I'm only really able to talk about mine, that said if anyone is in the Far North of Queensland, Australia feel free to hit me up
If nothing else, be yourself and make friends. You never know where it can take you.
My first interactions were at local munches, I looked up people in my area who were kinky and saw that they had a meet up. Went in and said hi (I was terrified), opened up about my interests. @McMurdoPI is right about being candid, if you've met someone for something like a rope session it's worth putting the cards out. I've played with a few of the people from my first munch, the real benefit is having a social group in the space. Even if you don't have the exact interests the crossover helps a lot.
If I'm being honest, once a rigger or a bunny finds a few playmates they tend to stop actively looking and more likely rely on word of mouth for the next reliable play mate. I'm definitely guilty of this, I'm always open to meeting new people but there are a lot of flaky people who will 'definitely show up at 11am for lunch' only to find an excuse at the last second
.Every community is different so I'm only really able to talk about mine, that said if anyone is in the Far North of Queensland, Australia feel free to hit me up
If nothing else, be yourself and make friends. You never know where it can take you.
In her natural habitat is:
-Giddy when approached
-Passive when suspended
-Bratty when loose
-Obedient when cuddled
-Cheeky when gagged
-Truly happy when tickled
-Giddy when approached
-Passive when suspended
-Bratty when loose
-Obedient when cuddled
-Cheeky when gagged
-Truly happy when tickled
-
Blackfox74077
- Centennial Club
- Posts: 147
- Joined: 4 years ago
- Location: siuthern ohio
Im same way im from ohio and its diffucult to find anyone in my area make or female to tie me up
-
Flyingvulture
- Centennial Club
- Posts: 131
- Joined: 4 years ago
- Location: Mexico
Well... It heavily depends on where you live, demographic (how many people there are) and culturewise (how open they are). Both of those limit your possibilities to find a partner.
What I did in FetLife, was to start to talk via DM to any person in my vicinity that shared my interests, just break the ice and see how it went. It may be rude nowadays (understandably, people want to avoid dealing with DMs), but it at least worked for me once. I met a sub I had a lot of fun with, we had sessions for the period of a year and a half.
But I think that was a fluke, since none from the others replied.
What I did in FetLife, was to start to talk via DM to any person in my vicinity that shared my interests, just break the ice and see how it went. It may be rude nowadays (understandably, people want to avoid dealing with DMs), but it at least worked for me once. I met a sub I had a lot of fun with, we had sessions for the period of a year and a half.
But I think that was a fluke, since none from the others replied.
TW: @VultureLeader
Tumblr: Wrapspirit
PM me for our bondage-focused discord server!
Tumblr: Wrapspirit
PM me for our bondage-focused discord server!
-
ExcessivelyCurious
- Centennial Club
- Posts: 165
- Joined: 4 years ago
- Location: East Midlands, UK
It kinda depends how patient you are, and how brave you're willing to be.
Dating/hookup apps can work. I've had success with Grindr. But it is worth saying that yes, there is more risk to meeting up with randoms, and bondage adds another layer of risk.
Fetlife can be useful - in theory, the best approach is to go to munches and socialise with people until you find a potential play partner you gel well with. However 1. this requires your area to have munches to go to and 2. takes ages. I will be honest, I'm trying this and it has yet to yield results but I struggle with socialising anyway (that's autism for you) so my experience is hopefully not universal.
Dating/hookup apps can work. I've had success with Grindr. But it is worth saying that yes, there is more risk to meeting up with randoms, and bondage adds another layer of risk.
Fetlife can be useful - in theory, the best approach is to go to munches and socialise with people until you find a potential play partner you gel well with. However 1. this requires your area to have munches to go to and 2. takes ages. I will be honest, I'm trying this and it has yet to yield results but I struggle with socialising anyway (that's autism for you) so my experience is hopefully not universal.
-
sami200456boyfriend
- Centennial Club
- Posts: 471
- Joined: 6 years ago
Depends where you're at
Whoever you choose as a TUG partner, you have to know them, and trust them completely, and meet with them well before any TUG session, and agree on rules and limits. Usually "safe" words or signals and unconditionally releasing someone if he wants to be untied. Time limits, and never leaving anyone tied up and gagged alone, are also topics to be discussed. Safety must ALWAYS be the first and primary concern
TUGS are supposed to be fun for both the captor(s) and the captive(s), especially the captive(s). As I have said before, when it stops being fun, it becomes abuse, and that is never good.
Best to start with a friend, and a movie or TV program playing on TV that features a tie up scene, and make an off hand comment that you could get out of such a tie up easily.
Maybe your friend will 'take the bait,' and offer to tie you up. Maybe not. But if he/she does, it's a start. If he/she doesn't, ask another friend.
Mentioning childhood games might work, too. I used to play 'hide and go seek' with my friends as a boy, but it was somewhat different. The boy who was 'it' was tied up at the base, but not very well, because we wanted him to get loose, and come and chase us. When we got caught, we were brought back to the base, and tied up (and gagged with our flags) as best as 'it' could do it. If we could get loose, we were back in the game. If not, we sat at the base, tied and gagged, until the next round. (But very seldom longer than 15-20 minutes, and never alone). We couldn't help another captive get loose. Usually played with 5-6 players, but sometimes with just three.
Or, when the scene comes up, say something like "That reminds me of when I was a kid. Me and a couple'a friends used to play 'tie an' gag' with each other on rainy days. It was kind'a fun. Most of the time, one of us would tie up the other two. First one to get free got to tie up the other two in the next round."
Drawscore
TUGS are supposed to be fun for both the captor(s) and the captive(s), especially the captive(s). As I have said before, when it stops being fun, it becomes abuse, and that is never good.
Best to start with a friend, and a movie or TV program playing on TV that features a tie up scene, and make an off hand comment that you could get out of such a tie up easily.
Maybe your friend will 'take the bait,' and offer to tie you up. Maybe not. But if he/she does, it's a start. If he/she doesn't, ask another friend.
Mentioning childhood games might work, too. I used to play 'hide and go seek' with my friends as a boy, but it was somewhat different. The boy who was 'it' was tied up at the base, but not very well, because we wanted him to get loose, and come and chase us. When we got caught, we were brought back to the base, and tied up (and gagged with our flags) as best as 'it' could do it. If we could get loose, we were back in the game. If not, we sat at the base, tied and gagged, until the next round. (But very seldom longer than 15-20 minutes, and never alone). We couldn't help another captive get loose. Usually played with 5-6 players, but sometimes with just three.
Or, when the scene comes up, say something like "That reminds me of when I was a kid. Me and a couple'a friends used to play 'tie an' gag' with each other on rainy days. It was kind'a fun. Most of the time, one of us would tie up the other two. First one to get free got to tie up the other two in the next round."
Drawscore
Good reply. Thank you.bondagefreak wrote: ↑2 years agoI know you're open to playing with either men or women, so that leaves you with a wide-open playing field as far as hook up platforms go.
To hook up with chicks, use Fetlife and Tinder. To hook up with guys, just use Recon or Grindr. There are some other good hookup sites, but a lot of them are EU based and won't have any Americans/Non-Europeans for you to meet up with.
P.s- This forum is rife with guys who are afraid of meeting other people IRL, not to mention those whose only bondage-related experiences date back to before the age of the internet. Hence why threads like these always receive downright absurd replies along the lines of "meetups are dangerous, so stick to your friends & family". In other words, a perfect recipe for remaining single and/or kink-closeted at this day in age.
Suffice to say, there are tons of guys and gals in your area who are into this stuff. The vast majority of them are on one (or several) of those hookup platforms I've listed above. Fetlife is a little difficult to use for hookup purposes (since it isn't geared towards that) but it's still somewhat feasible.
The best advice I can give you is to just be yourself, specify what you want and keep your expectations low.
All those of us who regularly hook up with other enthusiasts/kinksters will tell you the same thing. You'll come across some good apples and some not so good ones. The good hookups will gift you with awesome memories (not to mention potential new friendships/connections). The mediocre meetups will help you get to know yourself better and they'll help you get a better idea of what you're not looking for.
Either way, take it easy, have fun and remember to take it slow