A break from bondage

[BandG]

I know others have mentioned this at times on this forum but has anyone successfully took a lengthy break from bondage/bondage related content before?

I ask because I'm getting married in a few months - I love my partner deeply and we've been together 4 years. Our sex life has been good at times but also fading and at the start of our relationship she was more enthusiastic about bondage (never massively into it but went along for me I think) but last year or so I can tell she doesn't really want to engage with it, whether that's her tying me up during sex or me tying her up. We do have some good sex without bondage at times but if I'm honest sometimes I'm imagining bondage stuff whilst we're doing it to get me off...

I feel like my bondage interest is getting slightly unhealthy - I'm logging into this site or bondage video sites every day and I waste hours looking at bondage videos sometimes before relieving myself...

Sometimes because I've had all this pent up energy I can't help myself to then pleasure myself whilst watching a bondage video but then I don't really feel like sex with my partner.

I'm wondering if I should try and stay away from bondage content for a few weeks?

Anyone had a similar experience?

[wannabetiedup]

There is quite a lot to unpack here, and I want to be as fair as I can in giving "advice".

I am married also. I am much more into bondage than her. Our life together is much more than how we have sex. We love each other deeply too. I'd be lying if I said I had the most active sex life too - stressful jobs and kids often put it down the priority list.

However, it will eventually surface. And you need to be able to discuss it together. But similarly, you need to ask her what she likes/wants, and then work from there. Don't force anything on her, but equally don't go quiet and risk build up resentment about it.

Stopping looking at bondage websites won't make the "problem" go away. Although if it is taking over your life to an extent you don't want to be intimate with her, then maybe pare it back a bit. It is who you are, and suppressing it might not lead to happiness.

Also, getting married won't fix things. You need to have these open conversations with her independent of your marital status. I've seen plenty of people post on here about how they divorced mainly due to a realisation that sexual health and well being was rather important, and they were with the wrong person for that.

There are no easy answers, but the only one I can advise is talk to each other, sooner rather than later.

[BandG]

There is quite a lot to unpack here, and I want to be as fair as I can in giving "advice".

I am married also. I am much more into bondage than her. Our life together is much more than how we have sex. We love each other deeply too. I'd be lying if I said I had the most active sex life too - stressful jobs and kids often put it down the priority list.

However, it will eventually surface. And you need to be able to discuss it together. But similarly, you need to ask her what she likes/wants, and then work from there. Don't force anything on her, but equally don't go quiet and risk build up resentment about it.

Stopping looking at bondage websites won't make the "problem" go away. Although if it is taking over your life to an extent you don't want to be intimate with her, then maybe pare it back a bit. It is who you are, and suppressing it might not lead to happiness.

Also, getting married won't fix things. You need to have these open conversations with her independent of your marital status. I've seen plenty of people post on here about how they divorced mainly due to a realisation that sexual health and well being was rather important, and they were with the wrong person for that.

There are no easy answers, but the only one I can advise is talk to each other, sooner rather than later.

Thanks for your comments.

Yes sex isn't the be all for our relationship but I think you're right in saying we need a conversation about what she wants sexually more. I think she knows I like bondage a lot but she doesn't know the extent of my love for it since about 8 years old!

I don't force anything on her - she hasn't tied me up in probably 5 months or so or vice versa - a few times I've hinted at it but it wasn't met with any real enthusiasm so I dropped it.

[wannabetiedup]

There is quite a lot to unpack here, and I want to be as fair as I can in giving "advice".

I am married also. I am much more into bondage than her. Our life together is much more than how we have sex. We love each other deeply too. I'd be lying if I said I had the most active sex life too - stressful jobs and kids often put it down the priority list.

However, it will eventually surface. And you need to be able to discuss it together. But similarly, you need to ask her what she likes/wants, and then work from there. Don't force anything on her, but equally don't go quiet and risk build up resentment about it.

Stopping looking at bondage websites won't make the "problem" go away. Although if it is taking over your life to an extent you don't want to be intimate with her, then maybe pare it back a bit. It is who you are, and suppressing it might not lead to happiness.

Also, getting married won't fix things. You need to have these open conversations with her independent of your marital status. I've seen plenty of people post on here about how they divorced mainly due to a realisation that sexual health and well being was rather important, and they were with the wrong person for that.

There are no easy answers, but the only one I can advise is talk to each other, sooner rather than later.

Thanks for your comments.

Yes sex isn't the be all for our relationship but I think you're right in saying we need a conversation about what she wants sexually more. I think she knows I like bondage a lot but she doesn't know the extent of my love for it since about 8 years old!

I don't force anything on her - she hasn't tied me up in probably 5 months or so or vice versa - a few times I've hinted at it but it wasn't met with any real enthusiasm so I dropped it.

The "don't force" line was probably the wrong way to phrase it, I apologise for that. You sound very similar to me in terms of how long I've been interested in bondage and how much I want to experience it. When I get that hint of indifference or refusal it can be a blow to self esteem, kind of reinforcing the thought in my head already that I'm a freak for wanting to do it. It's difficult. But there are many reasons for such reactions from her, and that's where the conversations come into play.

I introduced my wife to bondage when we were initially dating. She was reluctant but curious, and willing to give it a go for me. She seemed to enjoy it, but still years on, only sees it as part of sex. On the other hand, I want more. I love long term bondage. I know she wouldn't be keen on that. I would happily tie her up and then sit down with a beer and watch a football game for a few hours while she was stuck. But she wouldn't be interested in that - she will only get tied if she's attended to. I guess these are her limits and I'm happy to find compromise on.

I also like being tied up, and crave that long term bondage to be in myself. It's only been relatively recently I've raised it. Other circumstances in life had slowed down our sex life in the last few years. But I knew once we were back in a position to have some time together again without distractions/disturbances that I wanted to get tied up properly. So I did it myself and waited for her to come to find me! This has opened the door up to this happening more often, with the understanding that all she needs to do is help tie me, and free me, but can go about her day otherwise as it's not her thing as such.

Anyway I'm rambling. TL:DR talk to her. What you have together outside bondage is great. You don't want to lose that. But you can get compromise on the other stuff if you communicate clearly.

[Terry]

Bondage isn't really that much of a serious interest to me plus have many different interests too so taking a break is easy for me plus most of my interest is just reading and writing stuff what contains tie ups.

Don't have anyone to tie me up atm.