What they don't tell you about TUGs...

[TomYi]

Hey everyone. I just figured that this site could use some more honest discussions about the realities of tying each other up. So, here's a thread where we can talk about the facts of life that often get lost in the fantasies of the internet world.

I'll start off with five facts that you don't often hear on bondage sites.

Scissors won't cut rope. - A lot of sites will tell you to always have an emergency pair of scissors nearby in case you have to cut your sub loose in a hurry. That's not a bad idea, but the surgical scissors that they advertise for that will not accomplish this. Especially if there's a lot of rope involved. A sharp knife is much better suited for that job, but that comes with its own set of problems.

Safewords are overrated. - Everybody's heard of them, but very rarely are they actually necessary. 'No' means no, and if your sub says 'no', then stop! The only time a safeword might actually come in handy, is if your sub is putting on a nonconsensual act as part of a roleplay. By contrast, safesignals are very important once gags come into play, because in that scenario the sub can't express what's wrong. Think stuff like snapping your fingers, clapping your hands, or blinking a lot.

Not everybody likes feet. - There's a stereotype that if anyone has a kink they also have a foot fetish. That stereotype can go die anytime now. There are a lot of different kinks out there, and they are not mutually exclusive with loving feet. So ask before you gag your sub with a dirty sock or smother them with your sweaty soles.

Never leave your sub alone. - We see it time and time again on the internet. Someone gets helplessly bound and gagged and left to struggle all alone. DO. NOT. DO. THAT! It doesn't matter if you did a good job tightening your binds just right. If your sub is all alone and something goes wrong, what's he/she supposed to do about it? Have everything all set up beforehand so that you don't have to run off only to come back and find that your sub's arms have gone numb, or your candles started a fire, or some other emergency.

It takes a long time to tie somebody up. - Even a simple boxtie involves a lot of rope, and it can be really tedious to apply a more complex bind. You'll likely find yourself fighting with tangled rope, going back three steps to fix a mistake, or even stopping to look at instructions. It takes a lot of practice, and it's not as easy as the internet would have you beleive. So doms: don't get frustrated. And subs: be patient.

I hope somebody finds at least one of these facts helpful. Feel free to contribute your own knowledge for any of the readers who might be less experienced.

[drawscore]

The first consideration is ALWAYS safety. No exceptions. Safety demands the ability to communicate, either verbally, or through some sort of signal system.

After that, you set the ground rules, and stick to them. Some, like "no rope around the neck." should go without saying, but say them anyway. Both captor and captive should be clear on what is acceptable or permissible, and what is not.

And, this is old, but worth repeating: The object of these games, is fun. When it stops being fun, it becomes abuse.

Drawscore

[MaxRoper]

I completely agree with most of the original post but must point out that while many scissors don't cut rope, EMT shears do and due to their blunt ends are unlikely to inadvertently cut skin. I always have TWO pairs available when playing.

Note: EMT shears are made and sold as Single Use tools, so if you have old ones that have been used it may be time to replace.

[Amm1973es]

All the points are of common sense, also the one that has been commented of the cords in the neck or even in the crotch require certain practice to be safe to perform and should never be taken lightly.
No doubt the last point is true, although you can follow the instructions of a video that shows in detail how to make a tie, it may happen that you do not do very well to the attacker or simply at the request of the passive part This is making a bond that is not much to your liking and that complicates more to perform it. It is important to be understanding at that point, and to recognize the effort made by the active or attaching party.

[Deleted User 9820]

Great points, and well put to. In addition to what has been said about safety, I would like to add...
Safety can be part of domination. It is not some unfortunate fringe element that must be observed either, no.
I captured you, I have you tied up and helpless, and nothing in the world is going to stop me enjoying you, and my time with you, ESPECIALLY not safety concerns.
For me, and I think many doms, the skill involved in tying is a big part. A skill to to get good at, almost a game to master. Keeping someone safe is part of that game, and need not be unenjoyable.

[Emma]

I have to disagree with idea that safe words are overrated. There are still times, at my age, when I say "no" or "stop" and mean the exact opposite, lol. So yes, we do have a safeword, though to be honest it's very rare I need to use it.

I absolutely agree safety should always come first. I remember when in college, (long LONG ago) I read a story about a young couple who played bondage with disastrous results. They both had been drinking heavily; the young man had bound and gagged the young woman, and they both passed out. When the man woke up he found his girlfriend dead. She had choked to death on her own vomit, due to the gag being so tight.

And of course you don't tie rope around the neck; yes, some models do, but they get paid for putting themselves in danger. Leave someone bound and gagged alone? Hope you don't get robbed by a real burglar. Hope your place doesn't catch fire.

And communication! How many young couples who barely know each other try bondage without discussing things first? His idea and her idea may be polar opposites.

Safety, safety, safety!

Communication, communication, communication!

[Melanie]

Keep in mind that safewords sometimes simulate safety. In fact you cannot rely on your sub to speak it out.

I once had a harsh spanking session and had gone into a shock-like condition and I simply could not say the word. I was not gagged, I hadn't forgotten it, I was just mentally incapable. And I'm not alone, I know quite a few people who experienced a similar condition.

The dominant eventually noticed sth. is wrong and aborted the session.

The bottom line is: always watch your sub closely and don't rely on safewords too much.

[CapturedCarol]

You can't sleep with hands tied behind your back and / or gagged. Well you can but not safely.

[David Han]

You can’t be hogtied for long periods of time

[captured_prize]

If you're not used to being tied up or you are being tied in a position you're not used to, there is potential for soreness afterward. Depending on your experience, frequent breaks may be required.

Also, if you're wearing a cleave gag, try to relax your jaw and not bite down on the cloth unless you want your jaw to be sore too.

[OldTUGger]

In the idealized online TUGs world, people can stay tied up for hours on end. Not in the real world. Limbs cramp. People get the urge to go to the bathroom. People get claustrophobic. People have panic attacks. People lose circulation in their hands, or suffer wrist drop from ropes pressing on their ulnar nerves.

Previous posters have expressed, quite well, the wisdom of keeping a watchful eye on a bound person, particularly if that person is gagged. This is not always easy; some subs can sink deep into subspace simply from being tied. They might become unresponsive to questions, or they might get a dreamy, spaced-out look in their eyes. If they're really out in la-la land, they might even ask to remain tied longer than it's prudent to allow them to. If you suspect your sub might be overdosing on endorphins, get them untied even if they haven't used the safeword.

One other thing "they" don't tell you about TUGs is that people aren't robots. They get sick from excitement or overstimulation. They have stuffy noses that prevent them from being gagged. They fart. They wet their pants from being tickled too much. They tip over their chairs. They fall off their beds. They slip on throw rugs.

When these things happen, they can be scene-killers. That's okay. Life is not a fairy tale, no matter how much we wish it to be. Keep it safe, keep it sane, keep it consensual, and keep it real.