TUG Safety, Rules, and Ethics

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caquernham
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TUG Safety, Rules, and Ethics

Post by caquernham »

The reason I joined this site was to research the safety and ethicality of tie up games. Sure, it's fun and cute to tie up your friends and family, and I have enjoyed sharing my stories and hearing encouragement from the community, but I wanted to start this thread to discuss some of the ethical aspects of frequent tie up games.

I have said time and time again that safety is paramount when it comes to TUGs. I have been involved in/witnessed tie up games that were carried out in an unsafe or downright nonconsentual way. I have, thankfully, never seen anyone seriously hurt. But unsafe TUGs are not fun for the perpetrator, because it's stressful to worry continuously about the safety of the victim, and they are certainly not fun for the victim.

I'm inviting anyone to share rules they have in place for keeping tie up games safe and fun for all involved. Self-ties and even sexual TUGs are welcome in this thread, because those bring up a whole new layer of safety and consent that I feel needs to be addressed. I also think the consequences of unsafe games should be brought to light. Nothing too graphic, please, but any discussion of the physical, emotional, and even legal consequences of unsafe TUGs will reinforce the importance of safety and consent.

I know that there is a sweet spot between an overeager volunteer and a frightened, hurt, or unwilling victim where the games become the most exciting for everyone involved. It is important to establish firm boundaries and strong, trusting relationships between fellow TUGgers. Tie up games are fun, but they are definitely not worth risking long-term physical or emotional harm.

Links to similar threads:

have you ever freaked out by JEZ: https://tugstories.com/viewtopic.php?f=26&t=1438

Boundary between Abuse and BDSM by jackroper: https://tugstories.com/viewtopic.php?f=26&t=895
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caquernham
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Post by caquernham »

The rules my sisters and I have in place have evolved throughout the years, but they have all had the same goals. The person tied up must be able to express distress or lack of consent at any point in the game, and must be able to be released quickly in the event of an emergency.

This wasn't much of a problem when we were young. Our equipment was limited and our knots were loose and slippery. We could usually untie ourselves if the need arose. We originally had a rule that nothing could obstruct our faces, but this was ignored more often than followed because gags and blindfolds are exciting. We could still express discomfort through a simple cleave gag.

As we grew up, we got better at tying knots, strategically immobilizing joints, and gagging one another, and our arsenal of rope, scarves, bandannas, and tape grew selectively. I began carrying a pocket knife, and no TUG equipment was left anywhere without an escape implement nearby. Tool shelves are usually stocked with both rope and blades, and office tape is rarely stored without scissors to cut it. This ensured that nobody was ever stuck behind a tangled knot or some uncooperative tape.

One rule that was never, ever, broken under any circumstances was that nobody was to be left tied up alone or out of sight, even for a couple of seconds. A second important rule was that nobody could be bound while asleep or otherwise incapacitated.

I believe the longest anyone remained tied up during any of our games was just over half an hour. Positive consent was expressed throughout. The atmosphere of trust we cultivated ensured that the games were enjoyable for all involved and that there was never any psychological damage.
Last edited by caquernham 5 years ago, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Nexus »

You've certainly covered all the major points. Consent, constant monitoring, and easy escape plans are all pretty mandatory. The only place I differ slightly would be some of your timelines. I have kept women bound for somewhere between 30-60 minutes, and gagged most of that. Of course these types of limits are totally dependent on the comfort level of both parties involved. So long as all possibilities are discussed and agreed upon before play, there should be no issue.
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Post by Solarbeast »

I do not have a partner to do my bondage fantasies with so I tend to stick only to self-bondage. The only safety things I'm going to mention here are that I do not use rope and I only do over the mouth gags with the exception of a bit gag once in a while. I tend to not use the rope because I have never felt like I could properly tie myself up with and at the start, it wasn't really the equipment that I was looking to use. I love anything metal so I tend to use legcuffs, but when I am going into mummification I will mostly use tie down straps as they don't usually get any tighter than what I have it set as. I do occasionally also use torn up bed sheets, non-metal cuffs, and tape as well, but those are lesser uses for me.

For the gag one, I only use over the mouth gags when I am tied up and will occasionally use bit gags when I am either not tied up or I am not as tied up. The reason I do this is that I have a really bad gag reflex so anything other than a toothbrush and food I will not be putting in my mouth at all. Occasionally I will feel good enough to use the bit gag I have so that is when I am not tied up at all or very good so that if I need to remove it quickly I can do so. A funny thing about using only tight over the mouth gags was that when I "needed" to use my retainer after having braces to help straighten the teeth, the gag worked out better than the retainer. Of course, my family never found out and still hasn't found out that I never used the retainer and just tightly gagged myself instead is the interesting part. I also ended up having straighter teeth than my sister, who used the retainer, and we got them at relatively the same time.
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Post by caquernham »

Nexus wrote: 5 years ago You've certainly covered all the major points. Consent, constant monitoring, and easy escape plans are all pretty mandatory. The only place I differ slightly would be some of your timelines. I have kept women bound for somewhere between 30-60 minutes, and gagged most of that. Of course these types of limits are totally dependent on the comfort level of both parties involved. So long as all possibilities are discussed and agreed upon before play, there should be no issue.
I agree. We didn't really have a set 30 minute limit. It's just that most of our games fizzled out by that point because muscles get sore, circulation dries up, and fatigue sets in. It is down to personal comfort, too. I often untied the girls before they wanted me to because I got worried about their safety before they were.
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Post by leahjstaples1234 »

I have a set of unwritten rules during my games that my captors must adhere to.
Like breast bondage.
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Post by Nexus »

leahjstaples1234 wrote: 5 years ago I have a set of unwritten rules during my games that my captors must adhere to.
Such as?
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Post by leahjstaples1234 »

Nexus wrote: 5 years ago
leahjstaples1234 wrote: 5 years ago I have a set of unwritten rules during my games that my captors must adhere to.
Such as?
Too many to say
Like breast bondage.
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Post by bondagefreak »

Damn, musn't be too fun playing with someone who has too many rules to say :?
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Post by leahjstaples1234 »

bondagefreak wrote: 5 years ago Damn, musn't be too fun playing with someone who has too many rules to say :?
Your wrong idea.
Like breast bondage.
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Post by drawscore »

Plain old common sense. Don't do anything that is, or might be, dangerous or hazardous, Stuffing a captive's mouth with a bandana, then applying a tennis ball-sized ball gag, probably would not be wise.

Drawscore
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Post by kevweasley »

drawscore wrote: 5 years ago Plain old common sense. Don't do anything that is, or might be, dangerous or hazardous, Stuffing a captive's mouth with a bandana, then applying a tennis ball-sized ball gag, probably would not be wise.

Drawscore
As a fantasy hot as hell, but for real probably best not to try it.
Mmmppphhh!!! a gagged guy is hard to find
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Post by Pup »

drawscore wrote: 5 years ago Plain old common sense. Don't do anything that is, or might be, dangerous or hazardous, Stuffing a captive's mouth with a bandana, then applying a tennis ball-sized ball gag, probably would not be wise.

Drawscore
It really depends on specifics, but I would say that so long as there is constant supervision and common sense there isn't too much risk involved in an excessive gag.
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Post by Abird »

So, a lot of it is common sense.

When it comes to sexual stuff, I've seen a term used I quite like; R.A.C.K. Risk aware consensual kink. Both people must be comfortable with everything you're doing (struggling is fine but you have to be sure it's part of the scenario, not genuinely wanting to stop). There will never be zero risk, you have to know what the risks are and do what you can to minimize them. And always have a safeword. Heck, it's probably a good idea to have a safeword for normal TUGs too.

In self-bondage you have to be extra careful; don't do anything you can't un-do.

I know the bondaage scene near me has rope classes, which are good in this respect. As well as basic stuff like having safety shears, they teach how to do complex rope while avoiding risks like cutting off circulation.
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Post by caquernham »

bondagefreak wrote: 5 years ago Damn, musn't be too fun playing with someone who has too many rules to say :?
Not necessarily. If the captive has a lot of rules, it leads to interesting questions of who is really in charge. If the captor has too many rules, though, then they're just begging for a role reversal.
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Post by bondagefreak »

[mention]caquernham[/mention] I'll let popular opinion be the judge, but I suggest that we avoid defending undefendable positions. You quoted one of my previous posts, but you obviously didn't read it correctly, or didn't understand the meaning. I invite you to read it again.

I did not say that it wouldn't be fun playing with someone who had lots of rules.
I said that it wouldn't be fun playing with someone who had too many rules to say.

"Too many rules to say" basically translates to words like "innumerable", "countless", "uncountable", "untold".
Think about it, and then look at what I wrote and try telling me you disagree ;)



To advance the discussion, I (like most people who meet up) usually spend time getting to know the person I intend to tie up, before actually meeting up for bondage. I only play with guys who have universally understandable rules (AKA common sense and safety). Minor exceptions are also acceptable to me.

Those who want to dictate everything from A to Z, clearly WANT to remain in control and are not interested in experiencing bondage. Either that, or they do no understand the power exchange involved in the concept.
At the end of the day, all this is really personal, and things usually work out much better when all parties involved prove to be compatible with one another.

Compatibility is everything, which is what makes getting to know the person you're about to play with, so important.
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Post by boundsub »

Agree with bondagefreax about having too many rules. As a sub it's good to play with dom's who you know well and can give you (pleasant yet) safe surprises based on your shared fetishes. Trying to dictate to a dom too much of what you want in a scene is a bit like being a back seat driver.

Obviously common sense, both of you having fun and consent are priorities during bondage such as not tying someone's hands so tight the circulation is cut off but that circles back to knowing your play partner well vs meeting up with virtual strangers (quite literally).

Also, on the topic of ethics (sorry if this offends anyone btw) but anyone else slightly creeped out by bondage between family members? I know many on here don't have many or any play partners but for me personally bondage is of an erotic or sexual nature... maybe it's just me since it seems to be somewhat popular in stories on here.
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Post by David Han »

I think the person being tied should be honest. If the rope too tight, if the scene needs to end, if they have difficult breathing, open and honest communication is a must
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Post by caquernham »

Good points all around.

[mention]bondagefreak[/mention], My prior comment was clumsily phrased. I should have distinguished between suggestions, which come up during the game and can be ignored (or downright silenced), and rules, which are agreed upon beforehand and are immutable. We agree that tie up games are not enjoyable when they are one-sided.

[mention]boundsub[/mention], I am the exact opposite. Since most of my experience with tie up games has been with family or friends, I get uncomfortable when they come up in an erotic context. I don't mean that erotic bondage is wrong; it is just a matter of preference.

That is exactly why there is no one blanket set of rules, and why participants must work together to explore their boundaries.
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Post by drawscore »

If you want to see what can go wrong when safety precautions are not taken, Google "Jesse Dirkhising."

I'll warn you now: You'll need a strong stomach to read the details of this case. The short, scrubbed version, is that a 13 year old boy was tied up on a bed at the home of an adult "friend," and his mouth stuffed with his own underwear. The kid suffocated, and the adults involved were sentenced to prison for (I believe) second degree murder.

The two must be kept apart from the general prison population for their own safety. Child molesters and killers are not favorably viewed by other inmates, and are often the subjects of "prison justice."

Drawscore
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Post by Fesselfan »

Reminds me about my bondage principles which I wrote a while ago...
In general, though, you (in my eyes) make too many assumptions already for someone who claims to research things...
i.e. consentual- you claim it has to be consentual. In my eyes, not neccessarily. There can be a metaconsens, though, without every action or scenario is consentual. If you want, a kind of "consent into playing non-consentual". Not to mention the more extreme aproaches like DEBRIS...


My principles:


This is not to say that these principles are good for everyone, or even for a majority- these are just my personal point of view.


-Safety first

If I tie you up I will take every measure to ensure your safety. You will not be permanently harmed or injured (this includes not to leave a bound&gagged person without observation!!)


-Safeword/gesture

A kind of word or signal will be selected. Using this signal instantly will stop any action going on. This is for emergency use, and should not be used just because "something itched a little"!


-Before the event

Before any action, we will talk about many things. Limits, do's and don'ts, preferences. I don't play with partners unknown to me.


-You will wear the attire I choose

you want me to do something for you, so it is only fair that you wear something which pleases me (I am willing to listen to your wishes, though).


-You will be tied tightly

I am not into half-hearted things. If I tie you up, you will be tied very tightly (not just hands-in-front or other such stuff). This may lead to the bondage position not being comfy.


-You will be tied securely

I have quite some experience with tie ups. Chances are, you won't get free quickly- most likely, you won't be able to free yourself at all.


-I won't untie you quickly

Unless something concerning safety happens (as above), you will stay tied up for quite a while. I am not for quick tie-untie sessions.


-You will be gagged

To me, a gag is a major point for every tie-up. So unless absolutely necessary, you *will* be gagged.


-You will be at my mercy

When bound, you will be helpless and at my mercy. Be prepared that I could do anything to you (within the agreed upon limits, of course).


-I am in charge

I am in command of the session. Unless something bad happens (safety et al) I decide what happens. When it happens. And I decide when to untie you.


These principles may seem harsh for some people...but hey, you don't need to do a session with me
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Post by TheOfficeOrc »

Old thread, but I think this a good place for this.

I remember seeing a post on Reddit a while ago discussing a clip from FutileStruggles.

The model in the clip had a wrap around gag, and she indicated to the rigger that she was choking. He asked if she wanted the gag off and she nodded. He immediately unwound the tape and pulled the stuffing out. She was obviously distressed, but indicated she was okay and they continued the scene.

The comments on the post surprised me. Everyone pretty much unanimously agreed that you should never use loose stuffing as a gag. Period. And that the rigger was reckless and stupid for having done so.

I'm a big fan of that kind of gag, and I know that a lot of studios use that method very regularly. Although there is a risk of choking, and it does occasionally happen, I personally don't see the issue as long as you can remove it quickly.

One way I try to improve safety is to have the stuffing come out of the mouth a little so that the wrapping pins it to the face. My logic is that then if a part is accidently swallowed you won't lose the whole thing, but I don't know if there's any validity in that.

I'd be interested to hear other people's thoughts on the matter and whether anyone else takes extra precautions when using wraparound gags.
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Post by McMurdoPI »

David Han wrote: 5 years ago I think the person being tied should be honest. If the rope too tight, if the scene needs to end, if they have difficult breathing, open and honest communication is a must
That is why the person being tied needs to know that they are always in control of the scene. I see a lot of Riggers and self described "doms" talk about being in total control, but that "they will do so safely."

Record scratch and stop. There is no safe way to carry out a bondage scene if the subject/participant being bound does not feel comfortable shutting down the scene as soon as they feel unsafe. There is a power dynamic involved, meaning that they already often feel unwilling to to admit that something is too much while being tied, they need to be assured that they have control, hence the slow racheting up of techniques. You do not thoroughly or effectively tie someone their first time. You work them up to it.

[mention]TheOfficeOrc[/mention]

As far as stuff gags go, I would reccomend using a knotted cleave gag and stuffing the sock/underwear on top of it, leaving much of it just balled up in the front of the mouth with the cleave behind it. Then go crazy with pvc tape/vet wrap/over the mouth cloth gags. I think mouth stuffings without this procedure are fine if you are only slapping a couple of pieces of tape on the mouth, but if you are wrapping the head, it is best not to directly stuff the mouth.
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