Those with partners

[Meac]

If you ever had TUGs (while knowing exactly what you are doing), or you have a TUG partner, tell us: how did you meet? What was it like? How did things turn out the way they are?

[Nexus]

Believe it or not, with enough patience and determination, fetlife can be very helpful in finding play partners. Been working pretty nicely for me the past 6 months or so.

[Meac]

[mention]Nexus[/mention]
I indeed hardly believe that, but I guess it is far from impossible. Mind going into detail a bit more? What are you doing per se?

[Nexus]

I feel this will be fairly long winded, and maybe even deserving of its own thread, but I will take the time to type out to you, the Nexus' Guide to Fetlife Play Partners.

Its fairly simple, really. Although it does have a little to do with your geographical location, and how close to bigger cities you are.

First step? Decide how far you are able/willing to travel. I decided that I would drive up to 2-3 hours for bondage play. Now, on fetlife you can search out cities/locations. So, within your comfortable travel radius, search out larger to mid-size cities/towns in your area. If you live in a populated area, chances are there will literally be thousands of "kinksters" in each city. Though I can tell you, only the first 10-15 pages (200-400) are the active ones that are worth talking to.

Every profile is tagged by age, gender, and fetish-lean. (28-F-Dom) I simply scroll through the "kinksters" in a city close to me. For me, I am only in to playing with women, so its easy to pick out the F's in the profile list. From there it's just checking their profile and seeing if they are into bondage/submission. If so, I message them. As most people will let you know in their profile, a generic "hey" message will likely get you nowhere. Engage them personally about stuff they are interested in on their page. Let them know your exact intent. Honesty and openness help people come out and talk. Also fill your profile with info about your interests. Pics help too. Real pics. Its unreal how many people think that pics of their genitals is appropriate for a profile pic, but hey, maybe it works for them. Either way, people are more likely to talk to you if you humanize yourself with pics and/or a detailed profile.

I think that covers most of my experience. Any further questions I'd be happy to try to answer

[Lady Knotty]

qwerty

[MaxRoper]

[mention]Lady Knotty[/mention]
Thank you for yet another of your thoughtful and well written posts. You made it feel like I was there with you. Having been to a few meetings I can definitely say you captured the feel of the experience. Did you ever see your partner again? Would be a total shame if you didn't.

[Lady Knotty]

qwerty

[Meac]

[mention]Nexus[/mention], if you would have returned a year later with a complete book I would have still read it. How do people tend to react to each other? How should I put this... What sort of vibe do conversations like those tend to have? How do they go?

[mention]Lady Knotty[/mention], you said you made a post first. Where did you make it? And where did you look for info? Was it fetlife only or did you have somewhere else to check?

We didn't talk about anything rope or kink related (the cafe was rather empty at that point anyway), and in my experience, that's usually a good sign.

I find this quite curious. Why do you think that is a good sign?

You both seem very experienced. I can't help but wonder, how was your first experience? The first "meet for the sake of tying." If you don't mind me asking.

[Lady Knotty]

qwerty

[Meac]

Most certainly! Sounds like education material.

[Lady Knotty]

qwerty

[Meac]

As a wise man once said: "learn from others' mistakes and not yours." So have it at us! Please.

[Nexus]

@Nexus, if you would have returned a year later with a complete book I would have still read it. How do people tend to react to each other? How should I put this... What sort of vibe do conversations like those tend to have? How do they go

You both seem very experienced. I can't help but wonder, how was your first experience? The first "meet for the sake of tying." If you don't mind me asking.

Responses and conversations vary greatly from person to person on fetlife. The most common response is no response. Then come the people politely declining. For people actually interested in bondage and actual play, it's usually a few messages back and forth about past experience and what would happen if we were to get together, then they flake out and stop responding. But there have been a few, who keep responding, maintain interest, set play dates, and actually show up. It's successfully happened for me a few times now. It's those few times that make all the non-response and rejection worth it in the end. Like I said, patience and determination.

As for my first "tying for the sake of tying" experiences,, there's nothing too exciting about it. I had already been a somewhat competent rigger for years, practicing on significant others. The girls I've met with so far have been pretty inexperienced, so a lot of the session is me talking them through things and making sure they're ok. Before we start any play there's usually a bunch of talk to explain safety precautions, maybe chat a bit, ease the tensions.

[Roboticrobin20]

These posts really gave me a lot more hope. I am one of those people who is still 18, about to finish high school in 2 years and then find a job but thanks to these stories I know what to do when I'm ready for it. I was always just really uncertain and sometimes I would just give up and think that I would never experience these tugs or never even get a gf. High school is still my number one priority though so I'll have to fight through that first.

[slackywacky]

I would just give up and think that I would never experience these tugs or never even get a gf.

Sometimes searching for something too hard will have a negative effect. One of my friends is on several dating sites and so far it has not worked in his favor. I lived at home for a long time, not actively pursuing a girlfriend, when I found the love of my life and we married several years later. Life can be weird that way.

Work on your school, it is still important. You will find there are opportunities for relations. Experiencing TUG's might not require a girlfriend, there is enough other options out there (the first real bondage movie I ever saw was in a cinema in Antwerp close to the Central Station, the place does not exist anymore).

[Emma]

These posts really gave me a lot more hope. I am one of those people who is still 18, about to finish high school in 2 years and then find a job but thanks to these stories I know what to do when I'm ready for it. I was always just really uncertain and sometimes I would just give up and think that I would never experience these tugs or never even get a gf. High school is still my number one priority though so I'll have to fight through that first.

You have plenty of time

You'll find someone.

[HappyChappy58]

We have been married for quite some time and used to play about with BDSM years ago.
However that sort of fizzled out mainly because of my lack of honesty to my wife with regards to my real big bondage and tights thing.

Now the kids have grown up and we have more "Us" time, or at least we are now trying to make more time for us, things have now restarted.
All my wife wanted was honesty.

Now we look forward to TUG's again.
Probably slightly off topic,but I am new!
That's my excuse anyway !!

[Emma]

Reading [mention]HappyChappy58's[/mention] post, I have to agree. Always be honest! And while I wouldn't bring up bondage on a first date, I wouldn't wait too long once things start getting physical.

[BindPam]

These posts really gave me a lot more hope. I am one of those people who is still 18, about to finish high school in 2 years and then find a job but thanks to these stories I know what to do when I'm ready for it. I was always just really uncertain and sometimes I would just give up and think that I would never experience these tugs or never even get a gf. High school is still my number one priority though so I'll have to fight through that first.

I'm in college now, and it wasn't until I got here that I met someone I loved who loved me back, and had the same kind of bondage-related interests I have. Trust me, you're not behind...

[rafeylovesbonds]

@Lady Knotty @Nexus,

Many thanks indeed for posting your experiences and comments here, for the inexperienced I'm sure they will be a great help. Thanks again.

Perhaps the two of you could collaborate on producing a manual for those getting into bondage to follow lol.


Rafey

[Roboticrobin20]

I would just give up and think that I would never experience these tugs or never even get a gf.

Sometimes searching for something too hard will have a negative effect. One of my friends is on several dating sites and so far it has not worked in his favor. I lived at home for a long time, not actively pursuing a girlfriend, when I found the love of my life and we married several years later. Life can be weird that way.

Work on your school, it is still important. You will find there are opportunities for relations. Experiencing TUG's might not require a girlfriend, there is enough other options out there (the first real bondage movie I ever saw was in a cinema in Antwerp close to the Central Station, the place does not exist anymore).

Thank you
I go to school pretty close to Antwerp xd

[Roboticrobin20]

These posts really gave me a lot more hope. I am one of those people who is still 18, about to finish high school in 2 years and then find a job but thanks to these stories I know what to do when I'm ready for it. I was always just really uncertain and sometimes I would just give up and think that I would never experience these tugs or never even get a gf. High school is still my number one priority though so I'll have to fight through that first.

You have plenty of time

You'll find someone.

Thanks for the motivation.

[Roboticrobin20]

These posts really gave me a lot more hope. I am one of those people who is still 18, about to finish high school in 2 years and then find a job but thanks to these stories I know what to do when I'm ready for it. I was always just really uncertain and sometimes I would just give up and think that I would never experience these tugs or never even get a gf. High school is still my number one priority though so I'll have to fight through that first.

I'm in college now, and it wasn't until I got here that I met someone I loved who loved me back, and had the same kind of bondage-related interests I have. Trust me, you're not behind...

I'm not planning to go to college sadly.
But I now know that not all hope is lost.
Thank you.

[BindPam]

I'm in college now, and it wasn't until I got here that I met someone I loved who loved me back, and had the same kind of bondage-related interests I have. Trust me, you're not behind...

I'm not planning to go to college sadly.
But I now know that not all hope is lost.
Thank you.

You got it, you have hope still

Even without college, you're not behind. You're not gonna find what you're looking for in high school. Just be open to bondage romance wherever you go *after* high school graduation....

[StephScottKitty]

Me and my roommate tie each other up whenever we are bored or stressed we have been friends for 5 years so i feel i can trust them not to take advantage of me