Captor's log

[YourCaptor75]

The title is a pun, see? Anyway, here I just figured I would go over some of my thoughts, and musings of how I developed this fascination with tying. You may find it fascinating. You may be bored to tears. But I think this will be helpful for me to better understand and integrate my dominant tendencies in a healthy way. If it helps someone else do something similar, I am glad.

The first thing to be clear about is, I have a persona on here. Do I actually enjoy tying folks? Absolutely. The stories and/or role plays of exciting and outlandish experiences are fun...but most of the time I just tie up a buddy to teach an object lesson, or chill. Stories of captors and captives, with bits of torment, and dominance are flashy, exciting...but ideally I would tie up that one special gal, or a buddy while we were hanging out.

So what do I even DO with this dominant side of me? In the past it was something I tucked away, to be brought out only if I felt I could. The problem being that, when you tuck part of yourself away, it can bubble up, and boil over.

I am not proud to admit that when I was younger, the first fella I explored this with got hurt by me. We were in the same church/youthgroup. I was fifteen, and trying to be a mentor, and leader to him. I taught him object lessons, or gave discipline by tying him up. He never loved it, but didn't really mind. As I grew in confidence in my leadership, however, my sensitivity did not grow alongside it. I became controlling and domineering, and ended up hurting him and our relationship. Only years later was there reconciliation... I carried that weight for a long time.

That was a great wakeup call, however. The next fella I mentored, Nick, was from a rough neighborhood, and didn't know his father. He had a good heart, but could be very disruptive. One day I pulled him aside, after he had spent a lot of the last youthgroup meeting interrupting and talking over the leader. I tied a bandana around his mouth, and said "Now you're gonna listen."

After that was a small lecture. I doubt either of us can remember what I said, but neither of us will forget that bandanna.

Tied him up too. The concreteness was very helpful for him. I was like a big brother to him, helping him figure out boundaries. He went on to become more prominent within his group of friends. I may have created a (benevolent) monster, because he apparently heard that one of his underlings from his town was planning on no longer attending high school. Nick hogtied him till he agreed to study, lol. Bit more direct than some methods, but the lad DID graduate high school, so he is better off for it.

I have found it to have therapeutic, as well as disciplinary uses. I have mentored many anxious young fellas, and the rope, the clear concrete boundaries, understanding exactly where they stand; it helps them. I found that to be the case for myself too, when I was getting tied by a bud...story for another time though.

When tied, fellas can often tune out the world around them, and focus on a lesson, or focus within. There is a meditative quality to it, which I am sure many subs on the forum are familiar with.

The rope can represent a great deal of things, as well. Got a habit you're trying to kick? It feels like a restraint; do you want to feel that way? (For some of you, the answer is yes, lol. But bear with me.)
Are they moving a bit too quickly into something? The rope can be a reminder to take things slow, and mind other people's boundaries.
Are they making themselves a doormat, and need to be assertive? The rope can represent their overly restrictive boundaries, which need to expand, so they're not getting taken advantage of.

I have seen young men better equipped to handle ADHD, depression, anxiety, unchecked aggression, unresolved issues, lack of forgiveness, etc.

I never really did find someone who viewed it the way I did tho. For them, it's therapeutic, or disciplinary. For me, it is both of those things, as well as enjoyable.

When I first joined this site, I zeroed in on the "fun" aspect, because that was what had been missing. I am wondering now if that has been a mistake.

It's not a full, accurate picture of me, and it felt off to present that. Like the fun side of dominance was disintegrated from the nurturing, beneficial side of it. I believe that was a mistake, and one that I am seeking to correct.

Moving forward... I don't know. Maybe I will write more thoughts like this, going in to more specifics. We will see. For now, it just seemed right to hash out my thoughts on a forum that understands at least half of them, haha.

Hope some of yall find this interesting, and/or helpful. Feel free to ask any questions. Till then,

Peace.

[shyguy92]

Interesting indeed.

I find it does help somewhat with my own depression and anxiety, even if it's mostly just myself now.

Don't think it would be so with a stranger, but a friend, sure.

[Socksbound]

[mention]YourCaptor75[/mention] what a refreshing honest view. I guess it’s easy for people to get caught up in the fantasy of what we read, rather than what the actuality of it is.