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HannaBarefoot
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Re: Being a Male Sub

Post by HannaBarefoot »

I’m generally a switch, but lean into sub side of things, but I think I can offer a part of my thoughts.

I have a male tug buddy that in get together with who is also a switch, which obviously means I dom him from time to time. What I enjoy mostly from domming him is what you said, that I enjoy having him at my mercy with how I tie him, etc. That doesn’t mean that I like a submissive guy in other parts in life, it’s just that I enjoy guys who can be submissive in more intimate settings.

Where I’m trying to go with this is that I don’t need a super macho dom in every aspect in my life. I like a dude who knows what he likes, and if he wants me to tie him up all day, then that’s cool! I definitely do not see being a sub as a generally feminine thing, despite societal norms, but knowing what you like is definitely super manly to me, if that or any of this is making sense haha.

That’s my two cents :)
One of us is going to end up barefoot, tied up, and gagged, so I hope you're ready!
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Post by Ropelover28nj »

Honestly yeah I've felt the same way,when I go online or hear women talk about wanting a strong dominant guy (which i most definitely can be) i do feel embarrassed to bring up the fact that I like being tied up even though like [mention]HannaBarefoot[/mention] says, just cause I like being tied up doesn't necessarily mean that I'm being weak or not "masculine "

I do get what you're saying though,there is definitely more of a stigma with being a guy and saying you wanna be tied up/dominated then there is with being a girl/woman and feeling the same way,just look at 50 shades of gray or the comedian nikki glaser who is super open about her bondage fantasies
Ropelover28nj

Post by Ropelover28nj »

BoundSynth wrote: 3 years ago It’s good to know I’m not alone! When you say you most definitely can be dominant, do you think this is by nature or just to meet these societal norms? Do you think if you had the opportunity to be a full time sub without comprising these expectations of you then that would be your preference? Do you think if “guy in distress” was a more popular trope then maybe we could express our submissive nature in a more healthy way or do you think we’ll always be left with a sense of craving domination just a little more than we’re able to experience? Thank you for sharing your thoughts here! 🙂
Id say its a combination of both,because there is definitely a part of me that wants to be the dom/rigger,to take control,do what I want,but if given the opportunity to be purely a sub for a woman its hard to say cause I havent been in that situation or have much experience,the only times I've been dominated is when I paid for it😆 and yeah if it wasn't seen as "weird" or not "masculine" I think being a guy in distress could let us explore it ina more healthy way but id say its more about trying to find someone you can let that side of yourself out with
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HannaBarefoot
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Post by HannaBarefoot »

BoundSynth wrote: 3 years ago Hey! Yeah thanks for your insight that makes sense! Would you say though that the reason you like him being at your mercy is because of the juxtaposition of having a strong man being helpless or do you enjoy him being helpless for the thrill of him being essentially completely under your control? I suppose the crux of my question and what I’d like to understand is that it is possible to be valuable as a woman whether you want to be strong and independent or helpless and submissive; is there an equivalent for men? Is it possible for a man to be a “damsel” and not have to always be strong and have that be attractive purely because he is helpless and needs to be rescued? I find the whole discussion fascinating because it speaks so much to what we value as a society and I’d just like to know how other people view submissive men and if we can be valuable too.
You bring up some good points to wonder about, and [mention]Ropelover28nj[/mention] also brings up a good point as well that just because a man, who is societally expected to be dominant and strong, doesn't stop being valuable when he wants to be on the bottom.

But of course you ask
I’d like to understand is that it is possible to be valuable as a woman whether you want to be strong and independent or helpless and submissive; is there an equivalent for men? Is it possible for a man to be a “damsel” and not have to always be strong and have that be attractive purely because he is helpless and needs to be rescued?
To the first part I say that in no way should your preferred place in BDSM or life in general dictate whether or not you are valuable. This is true for women, this is especially true for men. I am valuable as a person whether I am topped, or when I top, and you are valuable as a person whether you top, or are topped, because value, once again, comes from within, and not from your kinks.

Of course, whether or not you are attractive while helpless all depends on the person domming you. I like domming men occasionally because I like the look of tied up people, and I like having a measure of control over them, and knowing I can do things to increase their pleasure. But if someone doesn't find that attractive, that doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong, it just means they're not into tied up men.

In summary, your kinks do not dictate your value! Anyone who says otherwise is a garbage human being or is very closedminded! And whether or not it is attractive to others is solely at their discretion. So long as they are not being an ass about it, that is fine too!

In a shorter summary: Be excellent to each other :))
One of us is going to end up barefoot, tied up, and gagged, so I hope you're ready!
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Post by SinfulSloth »

Some excellent insights here. As a male who is a switch and leans towards the submissive side I had a hard time reconciling that with being what society dictates a man should be, namely in control. While that is rightfully changing it is still an issue for men who want that experience. I agree with [mention]BoundSynth[/mention] that I too have always yearned that experience from a female perspective, so I get that. For me submitting is something that allows me to truly relax, being and just let it all that go for a while. It's not up to me anymore, so I may as well just go along for whatever ride is in store so long as it's safe and sane. By circumstance I end up making a lot of decisions, even though I'm really the indecisive type, so it's really just my way to relax. Some people do exercise, read, take a bath to destress and relax, why shouldn't I be able to be tied up to expirence the same kind of thing?
Ropelover28nj

Post by Ropelover28nj »

[mention]HannaBarefoot[/mention] very well articulated reaponse,response, only do you sound smart but you sound like a fun bondage partner 😉
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Post by Reidy »

My view has always been that as a male, I find a woman taking charge incredibly attractive. That had always been one of my reasoning to leaning submissive more than dominant.

Don't know if there is any deep rooted sociatal reasons for my view, guess I'm just guided by what turns me on.
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Post by Reidy »

BoundSynth wrote: 3 years ago Reidy I totally get where you’re coming from! I guess the root of my question was just more what a woman would gain from it and whether us guys are able to be sexy by being submissive too!
That is more difficult to understand. But I guess if they get turned on by the power trip, I would say they would.
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Post by micoAi »

i consider myself being dom, but i really don't mind taking the sub role. I guess, the idea of being tied and dominated by a girl is interesting on itself, having her take control is a exciting thought, and makes me feel like i .. get atention?. Answering your "root" question i think a woman gains control and a experience to experiment... i really don't know how to explain it, but it feels good to be switch, and also i don't feel bad for it or like i'm not "meeting standars"
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Post by Svpmissive »

First off, I am a male sub with 0 interest in topping. I also am as inviting as a brick wall when meeting people.

With that being said, I've found it very difficult to find a femdom willing to take you seriously. I think most of the experienced doms are used to males taking advantage of the situation by trying to top from the bottom. However, a very skeptical me did connect with someone who's very understanding of my needs and wants (different things) during a session. For over half a month now, I've found someone who loves the total control I given up during a scene. Bonus points to our mutual interest in casual TV while someone is bound tight in a straight jacket ;).
Either wishing to be tied up or currently tied up.
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Post by cellofello »

I'm a switch tending towards the bottom. I use the term "bottom" for the physical aspects, "submissive" for the psychological aspects. I can be psychologically submissive to a select few women, but most of the time my mindset as the "victim" is that of a prisoner forced to endure what my captor chooses to do.

I don't think I've ever really worried about what gender-related traits society expects of me. I played with girls when I was young, when most boys my age wouldn't. I'm reasonably open about my bondage interests when there is a reason to talk about it. While I don't go around volunteering the information gratuitously, if the conversation turns to sexual interests, I'm not afraid to reveal mine.
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Post by Flyingvulture »

BoundSynth wrote: 3 years ago Hey! Yeah thanks for your insight that makes sense! Would you say though that the reason you like him being at your mercy is because of the juxtaposition of having a strong man being helpless or do you enjoy him being helpless for the thrill of him being essentially completely under your control? I suppose the crux of my question and what I’d like to understand is that it is possible to be valuable as a woman whether you want to be strong and independent or helpless and submissive; is there an equivalent for men? Is it possible for a man to be a “damsel” and not have to always be strong and have that be attractive purely because he is helpless and needs to be rescued? I find the whole discussion fascinating because it speaks so much to what we value as a society and I’d just like to know how other people view submissive men and if we can be valuable too.
Great break down of the question!
I love to go very deep with these conversations, so here's my take:

It depends on everyone's tastes, which can be variable/flexible. For example:

* Submissive tied ladies that enjoy being tied up
* Submissive tied ladies that don't enjoy being tied up (movies or through RP, leading to despair and crying)
* Dominant ladies (or ladies with an imposing image, like cops and heroines) tied, that struggle a lot and try to get out
* Dominant ladies that accept their peril, but still mad (like staring with anger, reduced struggle, mphing back at whatever the "bad guy" says).

Then come other factors that people evaluate differently:
* Visual appearance (outfits, visual quality of the bondage, makeup, other general visual stuff)
* Effectiveness of the bondage (whatever lies between sloppy and inefective bondage to truly exaggerated and inescapable bondage)
* Distress (from being just in a bedroom, to be in a lethal situation)
* Relationship with the tied person (this can or not create certain feelings)
* Desires/goals (how badly you desired to have her or someone tied/gagged, or specifically her; what do you want to do to while tied up, etc)

As a switch, I would also love to get effectively bound and gagged and be sensually dominated by a woman, the thing is that this isn't as common outside of a relationship and Dommes usually go the pain route which is a big no no for me, and I understand that this isn't what most dominant ladies would want, so fulfilling my desires has been VERY difficult to say the least.
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Post by FelixSH »

Of course it's ok, you like what you like. Your genitalia don't determine your personality. That you are a guy, doesn't mean, that you have to be cool, emotionally distant and dominant.

Love what you love, and enjoy these things in your own way. You have to live your life, not the rest of society.
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Post by captured_prize »

BoundSynth wrote: 3 years ago Thank you for replying. I think the truth of the matter is that I truly identify as a damsel in distress. I crave to be dressed up in lingerie and other women’s clothing and made to be a helpless damsel. It’s been hard to admit this to myself and it doesn’t seem as though I have any hope of someone wanting this from me. But this is my desire and something I’m not sure I will be fulfilled without. This is me.
As a crossdresser who does bondage, I can relate. In my younger days, I thought of myself as a switch, as I thought of being a sub as not very masculine. This however conflicted with my fantasies, as I almost never facinated about tying up women, but rather being the tied up woman. I eventually came to terms with fact that I would rather be the damsel in distress and I couldn't be happier.

It seems like you are starting to embrace this side of you. If this is what you like, go for it! Crossdressing and bondage go together like peanut butter and jelly.
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