tied up for dinner mf/m

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mr bob
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tied up for dinner mf/m

Post by mr bob »

this is a revised version of the original story i tried to cut out certain things and re read it several times pleas feel free to still criticize but i won't revise this one again ill start typing something new and hope you like that better.

When Tomas got home he did the same routine: put his stuff on the ground, grab a snack then go into his room until it was time for supper. When he got in the doer he dumped his bag on the ground just before he could take his coat off he felt an arm on his shoulder it was his mother. Tomas why don’t you have a seat for a second she said with a smile. Tomas was a bit irritated by this,fine he said rolling his eyes back into his head.stay right there i'll be right back his mom said.

His mom came back with a large chunk of white rope that she had in the closet. hey what's that for Tomas said with a bit of fear in his voice. Oh this she said slowly given more of a smile on her face this is just something me and dad have been talking about for a bit. Just then the rope swung out and around Tomas and the chair. Tomas began to take off the rope his mom yanked on the other end pining Tomas to the chair.What the hell Tomas yelled in anger.

You've been a brat for to long so dad and i decide this would be the best way to get that all out of you.His mom said rapping more of the rope around Tomas the rope pushed against toms’s chest and legs. OK OK Tomas said I won't be a brat he said too late his mother said for one night you're not going to be much of anything except bound and gagged. She said as she tied the last note to secure Tomas.

Just then Tomas dad came in. Dad help! Tomas yelled , oh is that thing today? Yes it is, his wife said back. In fact why don’t you do the gagging she said,oh i would love to he said. Wait what Tomas said struggling to try to break free of the bonds. His dad walked up to him and tied the tie in Toma’s mouth and quickly tied it around the mouth. Mph Tomas yelled. Oh shush his mom said. Mnpph he yells and tries to break out of the rope both parents ignored him till it was supper.


As his mom began to set the table Tomas had given up struggling and had given in to his punishment he looked up at his mom. Oh don’t look at me like that she said Tomas just kept staring back at her stop it she said in a very stern voice that’s it she said you're making me feel bad for tying my own son up she came back with a black piece of cloth and tied it around his head that’s better his mom said mpph Tomas said back.


When dinner was ready, Tomas was now blindfolded and bound with a nice bowl of soup in front of him. He could smell the food but couldn’t see it or taste. Though the smell made him drool a bit which his cleave gag had absorbed.

Tomas heard his parents pull back their chairs, he said. Oh that’s right his mom said undoing his gag. Tomas gasped for air and tried to lean forward but the ropes caught him in his chair and pushed him back. So how am I going to eat? Tomas said simply his mom responded like this just then a hot spoon was shoved into Tomas face most made it in some hit his chin. This is humiliating, Thomas said and leaned his head forward.

As dinner went on Tomas mom would feed him with a spoon and occasionally wipe the soup off his chin. Their was that so bad his dad asked no Tomas said as they undid his binds hey Tomas said maybe next time if you tie me up use all duct tape and not rope he said sure his mom said
Last edited by mr bob 1 week ago, edited 1 time in total.
Killua
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Post by Killua »

The idea is not bad, I like it. But you should really really consider using some punctuation marks. It's really hard to read without them, especially when it come to your characters speaking to each other. It's hard to tell where a speech starts and where it ends. And if you want to write another story someday, you should also take your time for it. Don't rush it, you are the one writing it, so you have a lot of time describing things as you want.
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mr bob
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Post by mr bob »

Killua wrote: 1 week ago The idea is not bad, I like it. But you should really really consider using some punctuation marks. It's really hard to read without them, especially when it come to your characters speaking to each other. It's hard to tell where a speech starts and where it ends. And if you want to write another story someday, you should also take your time for it. Don't rush it, you are the one writing it, so you have a lot of time describing things as you want.
hey thanks for the feedback and i will for latter stories
LatexLover
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Post by LatexLover »

I’m sorry but this is written as though you either do not speak English fluently or never got past middle school English classes. You really need to take English or writing lessons before attempting to write a story.
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bondagefreak
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Post by bondagefreak »

Unreadable.
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chadmc90
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Post by chadmc90 »

Just to show you how punctuation can improve your story, take this edit of your first paragraph:
When Tomas got home, he did the same routine: put his stuff on the ground, grab a snack, and then go into his room until supper. He had planned on that, but right before tomas got inside, his mom said "tomas can i speak to you for a second?" "Fine."
Tomas said, as he walked over. She had a chair in the dinning room for him to site in. "Ok. What is it?" he said. "one sec" she said.
I didn't correct spelling and word choice issues, but this makes the story MUCH more readable and easier to follow. Just put more effort into your writing and readers will follow you more.

If you struggle with grammar and punctuation, you can try to find a proofreader and editor to help you.
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mr bob
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Post by mr bob »

chadmc90 wrote: 1 week ago Just to show you how punctuation can improve your story, take this edit of your first paragraph:
When Tomas got home, he did the same routine: put his stuff on the ground, grab a snack, and then go into his room until supper. He had planned on that, but right before tomas got inside, his mom said "tomas can i speak to you for a second?" "Fine."
Tomas said, as he walked over. She had a chair in the dinning room for him to site in. "Ok. What is it?" he said. "one sec" she said.
I didn't correct spelling and word choice issues, but this makes the story MUCH more readable and easier to follow. Just put more effort into your writing and readers will follow you more.

If you struggle with grammar and punctuation, you can try to find a proofreader and editor to help you.
hey is there a way just to delete the story so I can go a correct it latter
Killua
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Post by Killua »

@mr bob You can just edit it. That would be easier. There should be a pencil on the top part of your post. I don't know how you write your story but if you're not already using word or other text programms, you should try to copy your text there and edit it. You should get some remarks for obvious spelling or grammar mistakes that way. After your text is finished, just copy it and paste it where your original story is , using the pencil for editing and replace the old text with the new one.
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Post by DomTiesMen »

Indeed the story have a cool idea behind, but I also agree with what was said here. When writing an story to be published, you cannot write it with as freedom as you do on other social medias. Definitely this story needs punctuation marks. I would recommend you to read some more stories or even books and see how the characters speak and everything.

About the story itself, it was hard to understand some parts, but I like the idea that the father and the mother tied his son up to discipline him a little bit. Definitely I would like to see a sequel of this!
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Post by chadmc90 »

mr bob wrote: 1 week ago
chadmc90 wrote: 1 week ago Just to show you how punctuation can improve your story, take this edit of your first paragraph:
When Tomas got home, he did the same routine: put his stuff on the ground, grab a snack, and then go into his room until supper. He had planned on that, but right before tomas got inside, his mom said "tomas can i speak to you for a second?" "Fine."
Tomas said, as he walked over. She had a chair in the dinning room for him to site in. "Ok. What is it?" he said. "one sec" she said.
I didn't correct spelling and word choice issues, but this makes the story MUCH more readable and easier to follow. Just put more effort into your writing and readers will follow you more.

If you struggle with grammar and punctuation, you can try to find a proofreader and editor to help you.
hey is there a way just to delete the story so I can go a correct it latter
Not after a certain amount of time has passed.

And are you actually going to fix your story, or are you just wanting it deleted so that you can get rid of these critical comments against you? You haven't shown much effort to try to correct any of your mistakes.
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mr bob
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Post by mr bob »

chadmc90 wrote: 1 week ago
mr bob wrote: 1 week ago
chadmc90 wrote: 1 week ago Just to show you how punctuation can improve your story, take this edit of your first paragraph:



I didn't correct spelling and word choice issues, but this makes the story MUCH more readable and easier to follow. Just put more effort into your writing and readers will follow you more.

If you struggle with grammar and punctuation, you can try to find a proofreader and editor to help you.
hey is there a way just to delete the story so I can go a correct it latter
Not after a certain amount of time has passed.

And are you actually going to fix your story, or are you just wanting it deleted so that you can get rid of these critical comments against you? You haven't shown much effort to try to correct any of your mistakes.
i have a better written version but i'm not quiet done it yet
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