She-Hulk and St. Patrick’s Day (M/FF)

Stories that have little truth to them should go here.
User avatar
TamatoaShiny123
Millennial Club
Millennial Club
Posts: 1452
Joined: 6 years ago
Contact:

She-Hulk and St. Patrick’s Day (M/FF)

Post by TamatoaShiny123 »

The Wrecking Crew had teamed up with Titania in order to cause chaos in New York City and to rob banks. It was up to She-Hulk (aka Jennifer Walters) to stop them.

Already she had taken out Bulldozer and Piledriver (by making them run into each other). Now she needed to focus on Thunderball and Wrecker.

“Hold still!” Wrecker shouted as he swung his crowbar at his nemesis’ face.
“You hold still,” She-Hulk shouted back as she dodged, “so that I can knock your face in!”

As she threw a punch, Wrecker grabbed her arm, spun her around, and now held both of her arms behind her back right as Thunderball started swinging his wrecking ball.

“He comes the pain!” he shouted as he let the ball fly. But She-Hulk was able to release herself from Wrecker’s grasp at the last second and ducked, causing the wrecking ball to smash into Wrecker’s face. The crowbar-wielder smashed into a telephone that instantly snapped like a Slim Jim upon getting crashed into.

“Hey! That ain’t yours! Give it back!” Thunderball shouted as he ran towards his wrecking ball to retrieve it.
“Funny. I can say the same thing about the money you five stole!” She-Hulk responded as she too ran towards the ball. Getting there before him, she grabbed the ball’s chain, planted her feet on the ground, and using her mighty strength, she swung the ball right back at its owner.

Upon getting hit, Thunderball flew up about twelve feet in the air and crashed hard into the roof of a nearby red Porsche right as the car’s elderly shades-wearing driver was about to get in.

“This is not an excelsior day,” he muttered to himself, shaking his head.

Suddenly, She-Hulk was shoved in the back hard by Titania (who was standing to the side as she watched her partners try and fail to defeat their emerald adversary), sending her into the hood of the same red Porsche.

“Oh, come on!” the elderly man shouted in exasperation as Titania grabbed She-Hulk by her top and hurled her across the street.

Brushing her foot against the pavement as if she was a bull, Titania charged head-first at her foe. But She-Hulk was ready for it; she scooped Titania up on her shoulders, spun her around and smashed through the glass storefront of the store she was behind.

When the dust and debris cleared from her eyes, Jennifer saw what she had crashed into: it was a small shop that she didn’t recall seeing before. It was painted green and smelled vaguely of corn beef and cabbage.

On the shelves were various knickknacks shaped like four-leaf clovers and pots that appeared to have gold in them.

“What's goin ahn 'ere?!”

Jennifer looked up...and then down and saw a short bald man dressed in a green tuxedo and matching top-hat with a gold buckle in the middle. He had a beard of curly red hair and pointed ears.

“Is this your shop, sir?”
“You bet yooehr boots ih tis! Were you de one who made dis giant mess?!”
“I’m afraid so. See, I was fighting Titania, who is this former pro wrestler who was experimented on-“
“I dahn't care abooeht dat, lassie! I joehst want to know who's gahnna repair de damage to me shahp you joehst caused!”
“Don’t worry about, sir. Damage Control will repair it for you at no cost at all. I can get you the paperwork just as soon as-“

The short man shook his head. “Dat wahn't do. I can't wait throoehgh all o' dat bureaoehcracy! Saint Patty's Day is combing oehp and I need dis stahre in tip-tahp shape so people'll actually want to comb in and boehy me ware!”
“I’m very sorry, Mr...”
“O’Patrick.”
“Right. Well, a lot has been damaged in the fight today. The government has to prioritize-“
“‘Prioritize'?! 'ere's what I dink o' you wreckin ME place o' business and tellin me abooeht prioritizin!”

Suddenly, Mr. O’Patrick shot a rainbow-colored beam from his palms. The beam wrapped around She-Hulk and suddenly tightened itself around her, pinning her muscular arms to her side.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”
“Sence you and yooehr fancy gahvernment ahrganization isn't gahnna give me de repair mahney fahr me shahp right away, I need anahther way to get de cash immediately. And I joehst dooehght o' a great way to raise foehnds quickly!”
“But the rainbow beams?! Are you some weird knickknack-selling villain with rainbow powers?!”
“Let’s joehst say I’m a laht strahnger dan me appearance lets ahn, lassie,” O’Patrick coyly replied.

“You’re insane! Let me go and I won’t make you taller by stretching your spine out!” She-Hulk screamed as the beam lifted her off the ground by several feet.

O’Patrick shook his head, took some yellow power from his suit pocket and threw it into the lawyer’s face.

“What the hell was that?! I will rip out every hair in that bearrr-beard of your...*yawn*...yours if you doonnn...donnn-uh...ugh, She-Hulk was muttering as her eyes glazed over and she soon passed out.

The short man smirked in approval as he turned to Titania, who was still trying to pull herself up after being slammed into the store. He shot another rainbow beam that ensnared the villainess as well.

“Dahn't dink I 'aven't fahrgotten abooeht you, lass. I 'ave de same din in mend fahr you dat I 'ave fahr Mess Cahllateral Damage over dere,” he said, watching her struggle and fail to free herself from her multicolored bonds.

oOo

"Ladies and gentlemen, step right oehp and teckle a strahng girl!” O’Patrick announced on the street some time per minute. "Ahnly five dahllars a minute!"

He was now outside his store, standing in front of the two girls, who were now sitting down on boxes. Both their arms were still pinned to their sides by rainbow-colored bonds and their feet were locked in golden stocks.

Much to both women’s horror, the line to participate in the tickle booth was stretched down an entire city block. And each person (mostly men) looked VERY eager to pay the five dollar fee.

“HAHAHAHAHow much moreHAWHAWHAWHEEHEE do we have to suffer through this?!” She-Hulk asked the business owner as a female tourist from Japan went to town with her long fingernails.
“MMMM!!!” Titania groaned. (When Titania refused to stop cursing as she was tormented, O’Patrick shot a rainbow beam around her mouth so that the parents in the line wouldn’t leave)

"I dink I’m gahnna keep dis goin oehntil I get de $2000 needed to repair me stahrefrahnt."

She-Hulk’s eyes widened in horror as she did the math in her head. She had already been tickled for forty minutes, meaning that he already got $200. He wanted $1800 more, meaning (divide by five and then by sixty), she’d have to suffer for six more hours!

Finally, the five minutes for the Japanese tourist was up. Next on the line was a lady with short blonde hair that wore sunglasses, a red checkerboard sweater, jeans, and blue Adidas.

As the blonde handed O’Patrick a twenty dollar bill and went after Titania’s tootsies first, she whispered from the corner of her mouth, “Jen, it’s me.”

The heroine recognized the voice. “Natasha?”

The blonde quickly turned her head towards Jen, briefly lowered her sunglasses to confirm her identify, then immediately turned back towards Titania. “We heard about the predicament you got yourself into. Don’t worry. I’m gonna figure out a way to get you out of this mess.”

But much to Jen’s horror, Natasha turned to She-Hulk and tickled her feet next, going right after the balls of her feet.

“NOOOO-HAHAHAHAHAHA! NAT, WHYYYYYEEEHAHAHA-WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!”

Once again, she lowered her sunglasses, this time to wink. “Sorry, Jen, but I gotta remain undercover.”