Damsel 101 F/F
Posted: Thu May 03, 2018 1:36 am
“So, in conclusion, you faked your own abduction so that everyone would suspect the janitor of embezzling the school funds,..” I said, finishing my (somewhat lengthy) speech with, what I hoped was a suitably theatrical flourish.
In all of my favorite crime thrillers, the denouement had always been my favorite part of the book and I was relishing the opportunity to perform my own (even if it was to an audience of one,..)
“An interesting theory” The Headmistress said with a savage grin. “Such a shame you won't get the opportunity to share it with anyone”
My finely tuned Spider sense was tingling.
Something was afoot,..
“My dear I so hoped we wouldn't have to descend to melodrama, but needs must. Hands up!”
“A gun?!” I asked as she produced the weapon from inside the lining of her impeccably tailored suit jacket
“What. Did you think I was just going to use harsh language?” She asked, tongue very much buried in cheek.
“No need to be condescending” I snapped back “It's my first case”
“And almost certainly your last”
I found myself swallowing something cold and jagged. Suddenly my school tie felt uncomfortably tight,..
Perfectly manicured, coiffed and groomed, not a bleached hair out of place, Mrs Walker curled her ruby red finger nail around the trigger of the gun pointed roughly in the vicinity of my heart and smiled a wicked grin. I, on the other hand, felt distinctly under-dressed for the climactic scene in my regulation school uniform: a dark blazer with school crest, blue and black striped tie, starched grey blouse and pleated skirt.
“I suppose it would be a waste of time trying to convince you to let me go?” I asked, in hope rather than with any expectation of success.
“It would. But don't let that stop you from trying”
“You're enjoying this?” I said incredulously
“You mean to tell me you're not?” She fired back “When the news breaks, you'll be the most famous school reporter in the country”
I shrugged, feigning indifference.
“You know, I really am sorry it's come to this”
“I can tell”
“No, I mean it. You were always one of my brightest students. I have no doubt you'll make an excellent investigative reporter one day”
“Thanks. I think. So, what happens now?”
“Well,” She said glancing at her slender gold watch, “In just under an hour I’m going to be leaving this country with over £100,000 in misappropriated funds, whilst you, are going to be spending, what I imagine will be, a long and deeply uncomfortable night tied to that chair”
I tried, and failed, to appear stoic.
My knees were visibly shaking.
“Look,” I said apologising “I know it's a hoary old cliché, but you'll never get away with this”
“My, my. How disappointing. I had so hoped we could avoid such petty grandstanding,..”
She reached into her desk and produced a pair of silver die cast police handcuffs and a red bandanna which she placed together on the table top.
“Expecting trouble?” I asked with a self-satisfied smirk.
“Very droll. I suppose we can dispense with the pleasantries now. It already feels like we're drifting into a state of redundant intimacy. I take it you know what to do with these?”
Fortunately, or not, I had read enough Nancy Drew fiction to know exactly what was about to happen.
I nodded glumly.
“Excellent. I only wish half of my pupils were as well prepared as you, Now, put them on,.. And be sure to make them good and tight” She instructed gleefully.
“You expect me to gag myself?”
“Somewhat fitting, don't you think?”
“I could always promise to keep quiet”
“You could. But I think we both know that would be somewhat pointless”
Seeing little alternative I picked up the bandanna and placed it firmly between my teeth, pulling it as tight as I dared before knotting it at the back of my head.
“Good. Now the cuffs”
With a long sigh I placed one of the braclets around my wrist before threading my arms around the chair and locking my arms in place behind my back.
“A little tighter my dear, or I might have to do it myself,..” She said, the threat hanging in the air.
I groaned into my gag, but did as I was told, ratcheting the shackles as tight as my starched cuffs would allow.
“Excellent!” She beamed
Silently I glared daggers back at her.
Using the hand that wasn't already occupied threatening my life the Headmistress slowly removed a cigarette from a solid, silver embroidered case and placed it between her lips. She tilted her head to one side and fixed her eyes on mine.
Then, placing the barrel of the gun to her mouth she pulled the trigger.
I jumped in my chair, my eyes clutched tightly closed anticipating the bang that never arrived.
Instead I smelled smoke.
Cigarette smoke.
Cautiously, I opened one eye.
Then, after a pause, the second.
What I saw almost brought tears to my eyes.
Mrs Walker still had the cigarette perched in her mouth, but it was now lit by the flame of the novelty (unmistakably gun shaped) lighter in her hand.
“Forgive the deception,” She said, her face breaking into a smile “but I couldn't afford to take any chances. Now, I'm off to sunny Acapulco to spend my ill-gotten gains. So long Lois Lane, best of luck with the exams next week”
Slowly my brain began to piece together the disparate pieces of the story.
It would appear that, in a moment of insanity, I had allowed myself to be held up by a cheap cigarette lighter. Worse, I had voluntarily tied myself to a chair.
I was officially the worst teen sleuth in History.
Fin.
In all of my favorite crime thrillers, the denouement had always been my favorite part of the book and I was relishing the opportunity to perform my own (even if it was to an audience of one,..)
“An interesting theory” The Headmistress said with a savage grin. “Such a shame you won't get the opportunity to share it with anyone”
My finely tuned Spider sense was tingling.
Something was afoot,..
“My dear I so hoped we wouldn't have to descend to melodrama, but needs must. Hands up!”
“A gun?!” I asked as she produced the weapon from inside the lining of her impeccably tailored suit jacket
“What. Did you think I was just going to use harsh language?” She asked, tongue very much buried in cheek.
“No need to be condescending” I snapped back “It's my first case”
“And almost certainly your last”
I found myself swallowing something cold and jagged. Suddenly my school tie felt uncomfortably tight,..
Perfectly manicured, coiffed and groomed, not a bleached hair out of place, Mrs Walker curled her ruby red finger nail around the trigger of the gun pointed roughly in the vicinity of my heart and smiled a wicked grin. I, on the other hand, felt distinctly under-dressed for the climactic scene in my regulation school uniform: a dark blazer with school crest, blue and black striped tie, starched grey blouse and pleated skirt.
“I suppose it would be a waste of time trying to convince you to let me go?” I asked, in hope rather than with any expectation of success.
“It would. But don't let that stop you from trying”
“You're enjoying this?” I said incredulously
“You mean to tell me you're not?” She fired back “When the news breaks, you'll be the most famous school reporter in the country”
I shrugged, feigning indifference.
“You know, I really am sorry it's come to this”
“I can tell”
“No, I mean it. You were always one of my brightest students. I have no doubt you'll make an excellent investigative reporter one day”
“Thanks. I think. So, what happens now?”
“Well,” She said glancing at her slender gold watch, “In just under an hour I’m going to be leaving this country with over £100,000 in misappropriated funds, whilst you, are going to be spending, what I imagine will be, a long and deeply uncomfortable night tied to that chair”
I tried, and failed, to appear stoic.
My knees were visibly shaking.
“Look,” I said apologising “I know it's a hoary old cliché, but you'll never get away with this”
“My, my. How disappointing. I had so hoped we could avoid such petty grandstanding,..”
She reached into her desk and produced a pair of silver die cast police handcuffs and a red bandanna which she placed together on the table top.
“Expecting trouble?” I asked with a self-satisfied smirk.
“Very droll. I suppose we can dispense with the pleasantries now. It already feels like we're drifting into a state of redundant intimacy. I take it you know what to do with these?”
Fortunately, or not, I had read enough Nancy Drew fiction to know exactly what was about to happen.
I nodded glumly.
“Excellent. I only wish half of my pupils were as well prepared as you, Now, put them on,.. And be sure to make them good and tight” She instructed gleefully.
“You expect me to gag myself?”
“Somewhat fitting, don't you think?”
“I could always promise to keep quiet”
“You could. But I think we both know that would be somewhat pointless”
Seeing little alternative I picked up the bandanna and placed it firmly between my teeth, pulling it as tight as I dared before knotting it at the back of my head.
“Good. Now the cuffs”
With a long sigh I placed one of the braclets around my wrist before threading my arms around the chair and locking my arms in place behind my back.
“A little tighter my dear, or I might have to do it myself,..” She said, the threat hanging in the air.
I groaned into my gag, but did as I was told, ratcheting the shackles as tight as my starched cuffs would allow.
“Excellent!” She beamed
Silently I glared daggers back at her.
Using the hand that wasn't already occupied threatening my life the Headmistress slowly removed a cigarette from a solid, silver embroidered case and placed it between her lips. She tilted her head to one side and fixed her eyes on mine.
Then, placing the barrel of the gun to her mouth she pulled the trigger.
I jumped in my chair, my eyes clutched tightly closed anticipating the bang that never arrived.
Instead I smelled smoke.
Cigarette smoke.
Cautiously, I opened one eye.
Then, after a pause, the second.
What I saw almost brought tears to my eyes.
Mrs Walker still had the cigarette perched in her mouth, but it was now lit by the flame of the novelty (unmistakably gun shaped) lighter in her hand.
“Forgive the deception,” She said, her face breaking into a smile “but I couldn't afford to take any chances. Now, I'm off to sunny Acapulco to spend my ill-gotten gains. So long Lois Lane, best of luck with the exams next week”
Slowly my brain began to piece together the disparate pieces of the story.
It would appear that, in a moment of insanity, I had allowed myself to be held up by a cheap cigarette lighter. Worse, I had voluntarily tied myself to a chair.
I was officially the worst teen sleuth in History.
Fin.
