Babysitting Blues (MM/FF)

[Stiletto Amore]

Once upon a time I was babysitting two young boys Jake (16) and Elwood (14) They were both well behaved kids, at least most of the time however for Christmas they had both acquired cap guns which they would fire at every opportunity making me jump - they were surprisingly loud. Leaving them to play cowboys in the back yard I had retreated to the relative safety of the kitchen to make myself a drink. However, soon enough they got bored and came running into the house firing their weapons in the air causing me to spill my drink.

"Look, is there anyway you guys can give me some peace and quiet for a bit?" I asked,wiping the milk from the kitchen counter. "What about board games? You must have lots of those"

Reluctantly they took me up to their bedroom and opened up the heavy wooden toy chest.

"There you see, there's lots of things to do in here" I said rummaging around inside.

"Monopoly?" I suggested, holding up the box.

"Our parents said we shouldn't play that anymore"

"Oh?" I said, intrigued

"They said they were afraid it was making us Republican" Jake explained.

"How so?"

"Just because we tried to evict Mum and Dad when they couldn't pay the rent on Park Place"

"That doesn't sound so bad, I mean, isn't that the point of the game?"

"We were playing on Christmas Eve"

"Oh" I said, failing to grasp the significance.

"Mum got really upset. She said that we hadn't understood the story of the baby Jesus"

"Ah"

"Then Dad made a really funny joke about there being no room at the inn"

"I see"

"Then Mum got really mad at Dad"

"Right"

"And so now we're not allowed to play any more" Elwood explained.

"Okay, well that makes sense I guess" I said, taking care to bury the box at the very bottom of the chest.

"How about a jigsaw?"

"Yawn. Boring!"

"The Game of Life?"

"The Game of Slow Death you mean?" Jake snorted "I'd rather go to the dentist!"

And that was when I found it.

“It” was an old skipping rope, frayed at the edges.

"Say, boys" I said fishing out the cord from beneath an avalanche of stuffed toys and lego bricks. "I've got an idea for a game"

The boys let out a collective groan. A deep, inarticulate sign of derision

"It's not going to be too girly is it?" Jake whined "Like make-up or ponies"

"Don't be so sexist" I chided "And no Jake, It's going to be the least bit 'girly'. It's going to be super macho. In fact, if it were a person it would have stubble and lots of chest hair"

"Well? What is it?" Elwood asked, suddenly excited.

"Okay, I'll tell you what it is, but first I must ask a small favour

"What kind of favour?" Jake asked, as though suspecting a trap of some kind.

"I need you to tie me up"

They both looked truly shocked.

"You want us to tie you up?" Jake repeated, eager to confirm what I had said.

"That's right. You’re going to help me play a little joke on a friend of mine”

“What kind of a joke?”

“We’re going to pretend I’ve been kidnapped and we’re going to trick her into paying us a big ransom”

"How big!"

"Huge. Monumental. In fact, it'll be so big we can afford to get pizza tonight!"

Naturally both children thought that this sounded like an excellent idea and eagerly raced upstairs to finish their chores while I got the game ready.

With some time to myself I fished a bright red scarf from my handbag (never leave home without one) and tied it firmly between my teeth before taking a series of gagged selfies with my phone.

After removing my gag I spent the next few minutes scrolling through the images. It felt really strange, not to mention a little exciting to select my own ransom picture.

After a unanimous vote, the winning entry was sent to my best friend Velma along with a demand for a million pounds in unmarked, non-sequential bills.

My phone started ringing almost immediately

"Go ahead caller, you're on the air!" I said, answering in my traditional manner.

“I got your e-mail - I take it the babysitting is going well?” She teased.

“Of course! Kids love me” I boasted proudly.

“I can see that” She snorted

“Oh, you mean the kidnap? That was my idea”

“Imagine my surprise”

“I just thought it might be fun. Especially since you’re always bugging me saying how you wished you had a tied up babysitter story of your own”

“I’m sorry, where do I come in?”

“Well, I need someone to bring my ransom”

“Ransom?”

“That’s right - you know, the spondoolicks, the swag, the cabbage, the bacon, the dough,..”

“Haha! Ah, I see. Sorry Sam, I’d love to help, but I’m a little short this month”

“No shorter than usual” I replied cuttingly

“No need to be rude”

“Sorry” I replied, “So, are you going to come to my rescue?”

“That depends”

“On what?”

“Well, if I do, am I likely to spend the rest of the afternoon bound and gagged with only you to talk to?”

“That seems to be the most likely scenario yes”

A brief pause.

“Okay, I’ve got nothing else on - text me the address and I’ll be there as soon as I can”

“Excellent!” I said in my best Mr Burns impression.

Velma’s tale

Having changed into my all purpose lady detective outfit - to whit a pinstripe suit with a long brown trench coat I had liberated from my boyfriend’s closet, I let myself in through the patio doors (as instructed) and closed them silently behind me.

Making my way through the hallway on tiptoes (no mean feat when you’re wearing heavy purple work boots) I found myself in a rather spacious front room. There I was confronted by the all too familiar sight of my best friend, clad as ever in her ubiquitous school uniform, bound and gagged on the sofa.

It was a strange thing to say, but despite the ropes and gag, with her freshly ironed white shirt primly buttoned to the collar Sam still managed to look like the head girl of some snooty Private school.

“Vee! N’m phn glad you came” She mumbled happily into her school tie, which had since been re-purposed as a gag.

All at once the pint sized kidnapper's revealed themselves from their hiding place behind the curtains. A tall boy with a buzz cut and a second, slightly younger wearing a cowboy hat. Both were armed with cap guns and had their features concealed by bandanas tied over the lower half of their faces.

“Don’t move!”

“Stay where you are”

“Hmphphr do nph they say” Sam suggested helpfully.

I sighed, but happily raised my hands.

Despite my protestations, the truth was I really was looking forward to being part of one of Sam’s outlandish babysitting adventures.

“Okay lady - hand over the money”

“I can’t. I don’t have it. The banks aren’t open on a Sunday”

“Hmph! Then we’ll have to wrap you up just like your friend here”

‘Oh goody’ I thought to myself.

“Do your worst!” I said, spreading my arms theatrically and offering my hands for tying. “You’ll never keep the Houdini Sisters prisoner for long”

A few minutes later, I was sitting in the middle of the family sofa bunched up next to Sam. We both had our hands tied in our laps and our ankles bound. Our kidnappers had, very kindly, had agreed not to gag me (at least not yet) providing I agreed not to yell out for help or otherwise make too much noise.

“What will these Robbers do with us?" I asked rather melodramatically when we were finally alone.

Overacting was very much our curse as role-players and I was a serial offender.

“Hopefully they’ll just keep us prisoner until the ransom is paid” Sam said in an equally hammy tone as she pulled down her gag.

I noticed it had been tied cruelly tight and wondered if she had done this to herself.

“Hopefully?” I said, trying, and failing, to conceal my excitement.

“Well, unless they decide to put us in some fiendishly complex, overly elaborate death trap”

“Do you think that’s likely?”

“Likely? Oh, I’d say it’s almost a cast iron certainty. Especially since I suggested one such trap before you arrived”

“How remarkably forward thinking of you”

“Thanks, I do try”

“So, dare I ask what’s on the menu for today?”

“Well, I suppose we are”

“Care to explain?"

"Oh, don’t worry Vee, it’s nothing too demanding. The grimsome twosome are just upstairs now making a pretend bomb out of an old alarm clock radio we found under the stairs”

“So we have to escape from our ropes before the ‘bomb’ goes off” I said, miming air quotes despite my bound wrists.

“Well, that’s not the whole story,..”

“No?”

“I also told them that if we didn’t escape before the countdown finishes they could shoot us with their water pistols”

“That doesn’t sound so bad”

“Ah, but that’s the twist you see”

“Go on” I prompted, sounding suspicious.

“Well, I rather agreed that they could put something else in the guns”

“Something besides water?”

"Yes"

"And that would be?" I said, sounding impatient.

“Ketchup” She admitted sheepishly

“Ketchup?!”

“And mayonnaise”

“You’re kidding!?” I spluttered angrily.

“You don’t understand Vee, they drive a really hard bargain”

“I thought the whole thing was your idea!”

“It was”

“So why did you possibly agree to let us get covered in condiments?”

“I thought we’d enjoy the challenge”

“I wish you’d have said something earlier - I could have at least changed my outfit”

“Nonsense Vee, Where’s your sense of adventure? Wait, I think I hear them coming now. Quick, put my gag back”

“Gladly!” I sulked, replacing the necktie between the teeth of my erstwhile best friend.

"Okay, but if this goes wrong, you're paying my dry cleaning bill"

"Nphph n nmnm ("It's a deal!")

[FabianStr2016]

Very nice story! I hope there will be a part 2

[Bigballgag1]

Enjoyed this story, hope there is a part 2?

[Alboreland]

I hope there is an update. I think they should be tied back to back with tight gags.

[Alboreland]

I hope there is an update. I think they should be tied back to back with tight gags.

I'm waiting for the update too. I think the ropes and gags need to be more restrictive