I told one of my work supervisors about my bondage fetish🙈

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faye2013

I told one of my work supervisors about my bondage fetish🙈

Post by faye2013 »

I haven't posted on here in a while as I've just been busy in general.

At work last week I was doing a late shift with one of my supervisors and one thing led to another in conversation. I told her that I'm into bondage (shibari). She had to Google it as she thought it was more bdsm (pain side).
I felt a bit embarrassed afterwards for telling her as I don't talk about it in public, I only use to with my ex and his best friend.
But strangely enough, she told me she's into it too! She said she hasn't practiced with ropes. But she's had handcuffs (which we all know is nowhere near as nice as ropes).

The next day she told me she needed a word with me.. she said it was on her mind all evening and she was researching more about bondage and how artistic it is. She said she wouldn't mind trying the ropework side of it herself but it looks difficult to learn (I recommend some good websites she can look at to practice from).

But honestly it feels so strange talking about it to one of my supervisors at work πŸ˜… she came to me today and said I need to watch a series on Netflix called Lady Vouyer where a woman gets suspended from the ceiling in ropes and she instantly thought about me πŸ˜‚
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Post by Reidy »

Anyone else thinking you should put in some overtime to show her the ropes? ;)
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BlissfulMisery
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Post by BlissfulMisery »

It can be a very gratifying/reaffirming experience to interact with people 'into' the same things you are, especially in real life (because let us be honest, the internet is not exactly the same). We all like to know we are not crazy :lol:. Very happy for you that you got to have that with someone who is not otherwise extremely close already, and especially 'out in the wild' as it were.

In all honesty I do truly believe that *far* more people are into various forms of kink then even they think (or allow themselves to think). There are so many misconceptions that people have about it that it blinds people to things they might legitimately enjoy, were they introduced 'correctly' to them and without the stigma that often surrounds the whole subject.
faye2013 wrote: ↑1 year ago The next day she told me she needed a word with me.. she said it was on her mind all evening and she was researching more about bondage and how artistic it is. She said she wouldn't mind trying the ropework side of it herself but it looks difficult to learn (I recommend some good websites she can look at to practice from).
This part especially both brings a smile to my face, and is indicative I think. Very glad to see someone discover a new interest that they might not have otherwise known they had (or a deeper one at the very least).

Following from the above, I think some of the problem people run into/reason why they develop misconceptions is the language used/misunderstanding definitions. Even this post has a bit of that; you used the term 'BDSM' in a very strange manner, one that I have very often seen on this site from others.

*All* forms of bondage are BDSM. Kidnapping roleplays, rope bondage, cuffs, tying someone up for fun are all BDSM. It is literally in the acronym (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism). Yet often I see the term 'BDSM' used when people actually mean Sadomasochism, because of popular depictions or conceptions of BDSM. But that is a subset of BDSM, not the whole of it. These categories often mix and overlap, but they can exist entirely on their own. Even in your post, you already realize the problem with using the term that way; you immediately clarify after that you mean 'the pain side' (ie Sadomasochism as above). Definitions are only useful if they are specific, and using the right ones can be very helpful in good communication.

It has always amused to me hear people say things like 'I am not into BDSM/not kinky, I just like cuffs/hairpulling/spanking/dirty talk' ect. Even on this site, where obviously everyone shares a general kinky interest, people will say stuff like that, as if they want to distance themselves from the notion. I get why, it can be embarrassing to think of yourself that way, especially with the common stigmas surrounding it that can be hard to shake. But absolutely everything on this site is 'BDSM'.

Well, apologies for the lengthy tangent (not trying to call anyone out), but reading it back, I figure this spiel might be helpful to at least someone. Certainly not the only definitions I have seen misunderstood/misused, but going into that would be both way off-topic and require a far longer post.
faye2013

Post by faye2013 »

Reidy wrote: ↑1 year ago Anyone else thinking you should put in some overtime to show her the ropes? ;)
Hehe maybe I should :twisted: :twisted:
faye2013

Post by faye2013 »

BlissfulMisery wrote: ↑1 year ago It can be a very gratifying/reaffirming experience to interact with people 'into' the same things you are, especially in real life (because let us be honest, the internet is not exactly the same). We all like to know we are not crazy :lol:. Very happy for you that you got to have that with someone who is not otherwise extremely close already, and especially 'out in the wild' as it were.

In all honesty I do truly believe that *far* more people are into various forms of kink then even they think (or allow themselves to think). There are so many misconceptions that people have about it that it blinds people to things they might legitimately enjoy, were they introduced 'correctly' to them and without the stigma that often surrounds the whole subject.
faye2013 wrote: ↑1 year ago The next day she told me she needed a word with me.. she said it was on her mind all evening and she was researching more about bondage and how artistic it is. She said she wouldn't mind trying the ropework side of it herself but it looks difficult to learn (I recommend some good websites she can look at to practice from).
This part especially both brings a smile to my face, and is indicative I think. Very glad to see someone discover a new interest that they might not have otherwise known they had (or a deeper one at the very least).

Following from the above, I think some of the problem people run into/reason why they develop misconceptions is the language used/misunderstanding definitions. Even this post has a bit of that; you used the term 'BDSM' in a very strange manner, one that I have very often seen on this site from others.

*All* forms of bondage are BDSM. Kidnapping roleplays, rope bondage, cuffs, tying someone up for fun are all BDSM. It is literally in the acronym (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism). Yet often I see the term 'BDSM' used when people actually mean Sadomasochism, because of popular depictions or conceptions of BDSM. But that is a subset of BDSM, not the whole of it. These categories often mix and overlap, but they can exist entirely on their own. Even in your post, you already realize the problem with using the term that way; you immediately clarify after that you mean 'the pain side' (ie Sadomasochism as above). Definitions are only useful if they are specific, and using the right ones can be very helpful in good communication.

It has always amused to me hear people say things like 'I am not into BDSM/not kinky, I just like cuffs/hairpulling/spanking/dirty talk' ect. Even on this site, where obviously everyone shares a general kinky interest, people will say stuff like that, as if they want to distance themselves from the notion. I get why, it can be embarrassing to think of yourself that way, especially with the common stigmas surrounding it that can be hard to shake. But absolutely everything on this site is 'BDSM'.

Well, apologies for the lengthy tangent (not trying to call anyone out), but reading it back, I figure this spiel might be helpful to at least someone. Certainly not the only definitions I have seen misunderstood/misused, but going into that would be both way off-topic and require a far longer post.

Thank you for your lengthy message! I mentioned the term bdsm especially as that's what I mentioned to her and she instantly replied with oh chains and whips. That's why I had to explain and clarify that part. As I meant more of the bondage, beautiful art ropework side of bdsm.
I think bdsm in general straight off the bat has that shocking feeling to others thinking pain. But as you stated it gets seen on as bad amongst many people.

But going back to my supervisor, I'm glad I've met someone else who's into it too. She thanked me afterwards for trusting her in telling her. She does want to practice it with her husband at some point too so I'm really happy for her 😊😊
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Post by BlissfulMisery »

faye2013 wrote: ↑1 year ago I mentioned the term bdsm especially as that's what I mentioned to her and she instantly replied with oh chains and whips. That's why I had to explain and clarify that part. As I meant more of the bondage, beautiful art ropework side of bdsm.
I think bdsm in general straight off the bat has that shocking feeling to others thinking pain. But as you stated it gets seen on as bad amongst many people.
Fair enough. I will admit that portion of my reply was not really directed towards you, but more addressing a common misconception.

People tend to see the whole thing as very negative because either they do not understand it (not helped by pretty much all popular depictions of it in media getting large parts of it very very wrong), or occasionally, are secretly ashamed of that part of themselves. Either one can be combatted by knowledge and education on the subject, but of course that is easier said then done.
faye2013 wrote: ↑1 year ago But going back to my supervisor, I'm glad I've met someone else who's into it too. She thanked me afterwards for trusting her in telling her. She does want to practice it with her husband at some point too so I'm really happy for her 😊😊
Very good to hear! It is a sad commentary on current society that simply talking about such a thing requires considerable trust. True connection with others comes from mutual vulnerability after all, and ironically that idea ties quite nicely (pardon the pun) into large parts of why BDSM/kink can be so enjoyable. But going into all that would veer way off topic, so I shall refrain.
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Post by illest »

That's awesome! I had a similar situation. I wasn't bold enough to tell anyone outright, but maybe it was because of me transferring to another job anyway. But I was having a usual conversation with my coworkers where I was complaining about my back and she implied that it was because of me trying to act younger than I am with my wife. I responded that I was "practicing my ropework" so I wouldn't have to support all the weight in the future. That got a hearty laugh out of us. I've made several similar jokes in the past though; anyone's who's been arlund me long enough to hear my dirty side has probably picked up on it πŸ˜…
faye2013

Post by faye2013 »

illest wrote: ↑1 year ago That's awesome! I had a similar situation. I wasn't bold enough to tell anyone outright, but maybe it was because of me transferring to another job anyway. But I was having a usual conversation with my coworkers where I was complaining about my back and she implied that it was because of me trying to act younger than I am with my wife. I responded that I was "practicing my ropework" so I wouldn't have to support all the weight in the future. That got a hearty laugh out of us. I've made several similar jokes in the past though; anyone's who's been arlund me long enough to hear my dirty side has probably picked up on it πŸ˜…
Haha that's so fun you have a side your comfortable with to share and laugh about with others :lol:
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Post by MrFingers »

faye2013 wrote: ↑1 year ago
Hehe maybe I should :twisted: :twisted:
Once you’ve got her tied up, it’d be an excellent starting point to talk about your pending pay rise….
faye2013

Post by faye2013 »

MrFingers wrote: ↑1 year ago
faye2013 wrote: ↑1 year ago
Hehe maybe I should :twisted: :twisted:
Once you’ve got her tied up, it’d be an excellent starting point to talk about your pending pay rise….
Such a good idea!! :D :D :lol:
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Post by NabHer »

faye2013 wrote: ↑1 year ago
Reidy wrote: ↑1 year ago Anyone else thinking you should put in some overtime to show her the ropes? ;)
Hehe maybe I should :twisted: :twisted:
All jokes aside I can't help but wonder if she'll ask you to show her the ropes in the event that husband isn't into it πŸ€”
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Post by Silkyscarves »

Could be good thing u told her seems like one of will be getting tied gagged soon lol
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faye2013

Post by faye2013 »

NabHer wrote: ↑1 year ago
faye2013 wrote: ↑1 year ago
Reidy wrote: ↑1 year ago Anyone else thinking you should put in some overtime to show her the ropes? ;)
Hehe maybe I should :twisted: :twisted:
All jokes aside I can't help but wonder if she'll ask you to show her the ropes in the event that husband isn't into it πŸ€”

Honestly I think she might? She already said she will come to me for any questions and help she needs
faye2013

Post by faye2013 »

Silkyscarves wrote: ↑1 year ago Could be good thing u told her seems like one of will be getting tied gagged soon lol
Maybe! :lol:
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Post by SwitchStruggle »

Wow that’s crazy that you both like bondage. I think I have a good idea of what you two could do on work related trips. :D :lol:
faye2013

Post by faye2013 »

SwitchStruggle wrote: ↑1 year ago Wow that’s crazy that you both like bondage. I think I have a good idea of what you two could do on work related trips. :D :lol:
:lol: :lol:
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Post by Dpsiic »

I would be more than happy to tie you both together😈😎😍
faye2013

Post by faye2013 »

Dpsiic wrote: ↑1 year ago I would be more than happy to tie you both together😈😎😍
Ohh I bet you would :twisted: all nice and tight I hope 😁😁
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Post by JennyTied »

I wouldn't dare the company would fire me.
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Post by Windrunner »

As the person who used to get the calls from HR or legal to do forensic work when a disagreement between employees had gotten nasty, or someone was (yes, real genius) emailing confidential data to his his email address at the new job he planned to start the week after, I know there are several things that could make this a red flag, or a non-event.

If the two of you are discussing it openly and - just a thought - let one or more people know that "hey, myself and McOtherperson are talking about things" - bondage and kink just aren't the taboos they used to be. I don't go into intricate detail, but I have described my collection of floggers to a couple of co-workers, and recounted a public, outdoor rope class that happened to take place in a park only a couple blocks from the office.

I avoid one-on-one discussions of intimate relationships, *especially* when I'm the other person's supervisor or vice versa.

Not to say that I have not personally seen such relationships develop, but in most companies, they must be disclosed, and the two people involved need to be juggled around to remove the supervisor/subordinate relationship and the potential for things that would make legal scream "SAFEWORD!"

I'm middle-aged(okay, 'and then some') white male in a management position, but I decided several years ago that if someone asked a question about kink, I'd simply answer it honestly ("you really don't want to use duct tape, it can cause nasty skin irritation", or "handcuffs are fun, but make sure you get the kind that double-lock", or simply going to an outdoor event with my blindingly bright laquered toenails resplendent in red with lots of sparkles). It makes people comfortable talking about their own bits of personal diversity, and even more satisfyingly, it makes the occasional idiot who thinks they can tell me some racial or misogynist joke think twice about "do I want my badge to turn the light green when I go to the office monday?"

How open you can be depends on where you live, even within the US there are some states where your boss can simply say "I'm firing you because you're (gay/trans/queer/kinky)" and walk you out the door knowing you have zero recourse. (I've seen the opposite happen, such as someone pitching a very large deal to me, and perhaps making wrong assumptions based on my age and position, assumed I'd love to hear all of his grievances against pretty much anyone who wasn't exactly like him. Doing business with someone with such poor judgement would bring unnecessary risk.

Larger companies tend to have - and the very best ones actually encourage - employees to share their stories of coming out, or the amusing tales of being "different" in a world that, at it's very best, recognizes and accepts those differences and can laugh about them together rather than having them cause discord.

One possible way to take some of the risk out of this: If you live in an area with some sort of organized BDSM community, discuss those events. The one I belong to has a quarterly open-house to anyone over the age of 18 who's just curious. Belonging to a group that's organized and formal and has rules and probably has other members who can provide better guidance than me, win/win.

I'm sorry this turned into such a wall-o-text, and please know that I'm just sharing my own experiences, many of which are not related to your personal situation - but I do want to make people more comfortable in being who they are, and not letting the chance of a good friendship be made awkward by a misstep that some other party gets upset about.

(I'm not licensed to practice law and cannot give any advice on such, my views, opinions, and instincts are entirely based on my own personal experience and information available to the general public.)
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Post by PanelGaggedPrincess »

That's wonderful that she was so accepting of your interests. I wish I could share something like that with my co-workers, but the thought of doing it is too scary. I only share my interest in bondage with a partner that I've dated for a while. Although bdsm is becoming more accepted and understood, there's still some people out there that see it as sexual depravity, even though that's not the case.
faye2013

Post by faye2013 »

PanelGaggedPrincess wrote: ↑1 year ago That's wonderful that she was so accepting of your interests. I wish I could share something like that with my co-workers, but the thought of doing it is too scary. I only share my interest in bondage with a partner that I've dated for a while. Although bdsm is becoming more accepted and understood, there's still some people out there that see it as sexual depravity, even though that's not the case.
100%!! Couldn't agree with you more!! :)
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