Encouraged or discouraged?

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honourthechapter1775
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Encouraged or discouraged?

Post by honourthechapter1775 »

Hey guys been a while since I last posted, in going through about if a rough patch in my life right now which is why I haven't been on in some time. Just thought I would ask a question in the meantime to try and distract myself and draw myself away from the misery of my life.

I don't really know if I have the right to ask this seeing as I'm not a parent yet but if there are any on here who come across this post maybe your better to answer this question than I am...

As we all know in here our own journey into bondage and his difficult or easy it has been of a road to get here. Who knows and who doesn't and if they accept it and if they don't. I could drone on forever but you have probably all heard it before from many different people in many different ways and I'm sure my own take on it isn't all that important.

So into the question itself is would you encourage your children into bondage?

I've often wondered about it myself for when I do have kids weather or not to openly express my bondage side to them or to keep it a secret. Or if they asked me to tie them up or if I discovered any materials i.e. Rope, tape ect...

I'm just wondering weather it should be thing that parents should actively encourage their children into or weather they should discourage them entirely?

I know my mom knows of my love for bondage and thinks it's a bit weird which in a way does hurt me a little with it being a internal part of who I am at heart.

Please let me know what you think below with thoughts and feelings on the subject.
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Post by tiedinbluetights »

Hello @honourthechapter1775 ,

First, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through very difficult times. I hope better times are ahead for you.

As for your main question, let me point out that I too have no children, but this is a question that has been nagging myself: what if I had kids, and what if they came to me and expressed interest in TUGs or worse, asked me if I was ever interested or otherwise discovered that I still do TUGs. Given my advancing years, I'll probably never have kids, so it's an issue I will personally not have to face (very unlikely to have to face). Nevertheless, I'm interested in what parents who enjoy or have enjoyed TUGs would have to say, for they are actually dealing with such questions.

The most I can offer is what my own parents did when they found out about my interests: they didn't scold me, they didn't punish me, they simply discouraged it indirectly by directly encouraging me to play other games (soccer for team sports or outdoor games with neighbours and relatives, judo for individual competition). They expressed concern for my well-being and safety. As I got older, old enough to understand about the "birds and bees", they further discouraged it as no longer being just a kids game but something that society frowns upon and considers deviant.

I'm not saying you should discourage it the same way. In my case, it turned an activity I considered "fun" into an activity that was shameful, and it took a long while before I got over that shame and was able to meet a trusted person with whom I could enjoy TUGs again as something not to be ashamed of. But I'm not saying you should actively seek out to encourage either. I guess what I am trying to say is that my parents were not into TUGs, they clearly "disapproved," but they didn't outright reject me or condemned me as a "freak" or "reject"; I sensed they were reacting with genuine concern for their only son, wanting to forewarn me about the world I was growing up in, which was the late 1960s, early 1970s. I sensed they were as open-minded as their own upbringing and the society at the time allowed them to be; their intent was not to shame, but to protect.

TL;DR: As a non-parent myself, it is my humble opinion, that like with anything else a child may ask, be age-appropriately genuine; don't lie, be truthful and honest, but without volunteering information that was not asked; above all, be loving and caring and supportive towards your kids, don't make them feel like you would disown them for who they are.
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Post by sami200456boyfriend »

Yes but make sure their safe
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Post by Arkane »

honourthechapter1775 wrote: 4 months ago

So into the question itself is would you encourage your children into bondage?

I've often wondered about it myself for when I do have kids weather or not to openly express my bondage side to them or to keep it a secret. Or if they asked me to tie them up or if I discovered any materials i.e. Rope, tape ect...
(Not a parent myself). I would not impose knowledge about my sexuality on a son or daughter. Just like vanilla parents do their thing behind closed doors, I think "BDSM" parents should do the same.

If I discovered (or they told me about) a penchant towards bondage in a son or daughter, I'd be supportive, and I'd try to avoid their getting into trouble, or feelings of guilt, shame, etc.
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cellofello
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Post by cellofello »

I am not and almost certainly never will be a parent. I would not gratuitously discuss bondage with my children. I would keep my eyes open for any indication that they had such interests (or any other sexual interest), and make sure they knew that they could talk to me about it without fear. If they had bondage interests, I'd explain safety. And for any sexual interest, consent. Also important to remember that some children develop a sexual identity long before puberty (I was one). It may be desirable to have a talk before the "normal" age to do so if you see indications that they are developing any sort of "adult" interests earlier than average.
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Lucky Lottie
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Post by Lucky Lottie »

Obligatory, "not a parent" but... I do have a number of friends in the kink community with children.

By all means sex education is a natural learning process I just don't think the specifics of bondage belong in that conversation from the get go. The broad strokes of sex ed should cover safety, consent and communication. I'd equate it to teaching a child about responsible consumption of alcohol and then bringing up the nuances of wine tasting and how anyone who puts ice in their whisky should burn in hell.

In a hypothetical scenario where a kid finds either myself in bondage or my bondage gear. First I'd say "who are you and why are you in my house" then if for some reason they question me I'd tell them that this is simply my way of playing with adults. If I found a bunch of kids playing with bondage I'd probably just tell them to play safe, no need to bring sexuality into it.

Just my two cents.
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Post by tiedinbluetights »

Lucky Lottie wrote: 4 months ago Obligatory, "not a parent" but... I do have a number of friends in the kink community with children.

By all means sex education is a natural learning process I just don't think the specifics of bondage belong in that conversation from the get go. The broad strokes of sex ed should cover safety, consent and communication. I'd equate it to teaching a child about responsible consumption of alcohol and then bringing up the nuances of wine tasting and how anyone who puts ice in their whisky should burn in hell.

In a hypothetical scenario where a kid finds either myself in bondage or my bondage gear. First I'd say "who are you and why are you in my house" then if for some reason they question me I'd tell them that this is simply my way of playing with adults. If I found a bunch of kids playing with bondage I'd probably just tell them to play safe, no need to bring sexuality into it.

Just my two cents.
I Agree 100%, this advice is perfect. Including the bit about whisky! (Although, I must confess, I have sinned in my youth--can I at least be bound and gagged when I burn in hell?)
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Post by captured_prize »

tiedinbluetights wrote: 4 months ago
Lucky Lottie wrote: 4 months ago Obligatory, "not a parent" but... I do have a number of friends in the kink community with children.

By all means sex education is a natural learning process I just don't think the specifics of bondage belong in that conversation from the get go. The broad strokes of sex ed should cover safety, consent and communication. I'd equate it to teaching a child about responsible consumption of alcohol and then bringing up the nuances of wine tasting and how anyone who puts ice in their whisky should burn in hell.

In a hypothetical scenario where a kid finds either myself in bondage or my bondage gear. First I'd say "who are you and why are you in my house" then if for some reason they question me I'd tell them that this is simply my way of playing with adults. If I found a bunch of kids playing with bondage I'd probably just tell them to play safe, no need to bring sexuality into it.

Just my two cents.
I Agree 100%, this advice is perfect. Including the bit about whisky! (Although, I must confess, I have sinned in my youth--can I at least be bound and gagged when I burn in hell?)
As someone who likes to do the occsssional shot of whiskey, the idea of putting ice in there is unfanthomable. No offense to anyone who does.

In all seriousness, @Lucky Lottie nailed the hammer on the head with that post.
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honourthechapter1775
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Post by honourthechapter1775 »

Just quick thanks to everyone who has replied so far to this post its given me quite a lot to think about for the eventuality of having kids and how I can come about introducing them to it or guiding them on their own bondage journey when and if the time comes.
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Post by Outta.this.place »

I think you should be wary of "advice" on raising kids from people who do not have them. However, lucky Lottie seems to have a good grip on reality.

Dad of 3 boys here, when they are young (before puberty) I would not encourage it but I also wasn't mad when I caught them doing it the first time. Kids are young and innocent-keep it that way. I just had a firm talk with them how to be safe and set certain rules example: no ropes ever around each others necks, don't leave them alone, no gags, CONSENT etc.

Tugs are like sex in my opinion, they are eventually going to be exposed to it one way or another. I wouldn't "encourage" either from a parent
POV but it will happen. I don't think either should be hidden from them if they ask or made to feel bad about it.

I think the biggest concern in all of this is safety, consent, respect etc but if you start teaching those things young hopefully they will transfer over when trying tugs for the first time.
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