R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Wanna Talk about TUGs with your fellow members? Then you may do so here.
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Trammel
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Post by Trammel »

I have been disturbed to learn that female writers (in particular) on this site have been chased away by people who send them creepy and suggestive messages.

I suppose it should not be surprising that a site which caters to people who fantasize about TUGS, especially the sexually explicit TUGS which have become common in the adult section, would be inclined to behave in such a way. Some of the stories go too far into the sphere of abuse and degradation of women and that is unfortunate. I suppose it should not be surprising that people who would write admiringly of the abuse and degradation of women would also send nasty and unwanted messages.

I encourage all of you to behave and treat others with respect. That is just good behavior. If someone is sending you unwanted and nasty messages, I would hope that rather than just going away you would report such behavior to the administrators and those engaging in said behavior would be restricted or banned. If such behavior is not reigned in I wonder how long this site will even last.

By the way, I do not consider a woman engaged in consensual TUGS to be the victim of abuse or degradation. Some things I have read on this site are coming too close to what I would call rape or assault and that is not appropriate.
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TapeGaggedAbby
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Post by TapeGaggedAbby »

YES!!!

I’ve got some creepy messages from some dudes on this site.
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Xtc
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Post by Xtc »

We do try to dissuade certain writers but I ask people who are in receipt of unpleasant posts to do one thing:

REPORT IT TO THE MODS
Reason:
YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO IS RECEIVING MESSAGES FROM THE CREEPS

We can only do something about it if we know about it

Thank you, I'm going to lie down in a dark room now.
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Post by slackywacky »

Trammel wrote: 2 years ago I encourage all of you to behave and treat others with respect. That is just good behavior.
Hear, hear!

I agree. Not sure how much can be done to make reporting easier.
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Post by TayDay95 »

This makes me so f***ing angry and I'm not even the one being affected, so I can only imagine how our female members feel.

Ladies please speak up if you feel uncomfortable or threatened, it's 2022 and we don't stand for this kind of crap. You deserve to feel safe and respected, that's just a given and shouldn't even be an issue that warrants discussion.

As for stories, I have included scenes of SA in mine. But I've done so in an attempt to show my readers that such things aren't things to be fantasised about or desired. It's horrible, traumatising and affects everyone in a persons' life. My girlfriend is a victim of SA and it's destroyed her sense of self-worth for most of her adult life.
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Post by bondagefreak »

Trammel wrote: 2 years ago I have been disturbed to learn that female writers (in particular) on this site have been chased away by people who send them creepy and suggestive messages. I suppose it should not be surprising that a site which caters to people who fantasize about TUGS, especially the sexually explicit TUGS which have become common in the adult section, would be inclined to behave in such a way. Some of the stories go too far into the sphere of abuse and degradation of women and that is unfortunate. I suppose it should not be surprising that people who would write admiringly of the abuse and degradation of women would also send nasty and unwanted messages.

Female users receiving a disproportionate number of PMs with the occasional creepy message is hardly something specific to this site. Women will be the first ones to point out that such behaviour is widespread on all platforms dominated by male memberships. Does that mean that we should accept this because it happens on just about every other internet site? Of course not!

While the outrage expressed on this thread is commendable, understandable and dare I say, normal, I must, unfortunately, disillusion you all with the sad reminder that you guys are talking in an echo chamber.

Men who lack the judgement to know what is acceptable and what isn't, or what falls under the umbrella of harassment and what does not are not going to change because others are incensed with such behaviour. Echo chambers like these only serve to further incense those who are already sensible and attuned to matters of human decency.


I must also remind you guys of the experiment that was carried out by the staff about a year and a half ago; an experiment which saw me create a fake female account in the hopes of flushing out culprits and seeing what some of the women here were faced with.

This fake account of mine (which is still active btw) was quite literally bombarded with messages right from the get-go, several of them quite insistent. It might surprise you to know that none of those messages came from authors, but from users with few to no posts. The few that did have posts were users focused solely on the RP section. These are users who jump on every new female member that signs up. They're leeches. They're not interested in the forum, in stories, or in threads like these. They're only here to message and RP.

It was precisely this experiment that led the staff to opt for shutting down PM permissions to those with less than 10 posts. It was a very unpopular decision with the membership, one that saw myself and members of staff pitted against virulent attacks by many fringe members.

While undoubtedly helpful in shielding female members of a few undesirables, the postponing of PM permissions was of course only a stopgap measure. Many leeches have/still are easily circumventing this preventative measure by dropping ten 3-word-posts on random and completely unrelated story threads (all in the span of 3 minutes, mind you) and then immediately jumping to "Composing Private Message" mode (which can be tracked via the Who Is Online feature).



My point is, the positions expressed here (by [mention]Trammel[/mention] [mention]slackywacky[/mention] and [mention]TayDay95[/mention]) are sane positions that everyone should abide by. Unfortunately, no one who goes about spamming women with undesirable/crude messages is going read this thread and say to himself "Gee, these people are right!". The culprits don't give a flying f*** about the normal sensibilities expressed here. They simply log in here to use the private message feature. This isn't new. It was the same in 2015, 2010 and 2005.

I've administrated and moderated four separate Phpbb forums like this one (forums completely unrelated to kink) and this was ALWAYS an issue that would come up time and again; creepy messages sent to female members.


The moderation team here and on other well-moderated boards are unanimous on this matter.
[mention]Xtc[/mention] has already summed up the one and only way of dealing with this problem. REPORT!

We have a brilliant moderation team here: [mention]BoundJana[/mention] [mention]cj2125[/mention] [mention]Solarbeast[/mention] [mention]Veracity[/mention]. Along with the Admins, these four moderators are literally THERE to police the boards and take care of such issues. We are fortunate to have an active volunteer force here.

Those of us who come into contact with or being made privy to users who are subjected to aggressive/abusive messages and/or harassment MUST persuade said members to click on the "REPORT" button at the top-right of every message/post. This same button is present on every website and has been for the past two decades.


As an ex-member of staff on here and on other forums, I also need to point out that people do indeed know how to report inappropriate content. Mods here and elsewhere receive reports/inappropriate content flags regarding posts on the public board ALL the time. PMs, however, almost never get reported.

If you guys and gals wanna help us fix this concerning problem, then your best bet is to persuade those concerned to submit reports. [mention]BoundJana[/mention] [mention]cj2125[/mention] [mention]Solarbeast[/mention] [mention]Veracity[/mention] are literally there deal with those reports.

Reporting and calling out is the ONLY way they have of helping fix the issue.
This goes for virtually any other issue of concern, not only PM harassment.
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TayDay95
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Post by TayDay95 »

Well said [mention]bondagefreak[/mention]
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Post by Trammel »

Thank you [mention]bondagefreak[/mention] for your comprehensive reply. It helps to shed some light on the darkness of human nature.

I pray that nothing I said is interpreted as a criticism of the moderators. It was not intended as such. As for the subject at hand, I pray this thread has served to re-shed some light of the ugliness a minority of people want to engage in.

I once had a teacher, in high school, who was an atheist, or agnostic, I don't know which, but he urged us to read the Bible not as a religious book but as great and insightful literature. While I am religious, I must admit he was right, about the Bible at least. The late, great Rich Mullins is quoted as saying, "The Bible is not a book for the faint of heart -- it is a book full of all the greed and glory and violence and tenderness and sex and betrayal that benefits mankind. It is not the collection of pretty little anecdotes mouthed by pious little church mice -- it does not so much nibble at our shoe leather as it cuts to the heart and splits the marrow from the bone. It does not give us answers fitted to our small-minded questions, but truth that goes beyond what we even know to ask.”

Unfortunately, human nature is ugly and human nature is broken. There are a lot of broken people in this world and a lot of awful people in this world. When we hear of people accosting others with ugly, unwanted, and threatening messages, it is merely those people worshiping their idols.

I do pray that anyone who is receiving harassment on this site would report it, and not just fade away, although given what [mention]bondagefreak[/mention] describes, I guess I wouldn't blame them. Sad.
Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment.

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Post by bondagefreak »

Trammel wrote: 2 years ago I pray that nothing I said is interpreted as a criticism of the moderators. It was not intended as such.
Not at all! I merely wanted to remind everyone that the Moderation team is there to help and take care of those issues. They take these matters seriously and can be trusted to make the right calls when such matters are brought to their attention.

I hope my post did not dispirit you. While your original shoutout is really good and hugely appropriate, I just feel the need to remind you guys that those of us clicking on this thread and reading it are not the same users who go about sending creepy/unwanted messages. While it is tempting to go on long rants about such types, our collective energy would be better spent convincing those targetted by such folly to use the report button when abusive/creepy messages are received.
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Post by Minerva »

Time to throw in my two cents.

I've had quite a few experiences on the site with creeps, especially once I started. Frankly, I don't really care about them (I've been through worse), but I can definitely see why others would.
Xtc wrote: 2 years ago We do try to dissuade certain writers but I ask people who are in receipt of unpleasant posts to do one thing:

REPORT IT TO THE MODS
Reason:
YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO IS RECEIVING MESSAGES FROM THE CREEPS

We can only do something about it if we know about it

Thank you, I'm going to lie down in a dark room now.
The effort is greatly appreciated, but it's an issue that looks like it's really hard to fix. I have been a victim of SA in the past, and for me, it took years and lots of courage to come out and talk about it with friends. It's a humiliating and powerless experience. Sadly, I don't know how many people would be willing to go through that process, especially women (even if it's a less extreme situation).

How do we fix the issue?

Frankly, I don't know. The only thing I think we can do is create visibility posts about this issue, but that really just feels like we're using duct tape to fix the broken hull of a ship.
Thank you for reading through my ramblings, I hope it gave at least a bit of insight into the issue.
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Post by TayDay95 »

Minerva wrote: 2 years ago I have been a victim of SA in the past, and for me, it took years and lots of courage to come out and talk about it with friends. It's a humiliating and powerless experience.
Thank you for sharing this with us [mention]Minerva[/mention], I'm sure it wasn't easy to do so.

Just know you've got a lot of people here who care and won't stand for creeps and pervs in this forum, nor anywhere else.
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Post by Xtc »

Thank you for the contribution, [mention]Minerva[/mention]

If the problem is pm's (which it usually is) all we can do is show the trolls the door.
We can only do that if we know about the problem.
As long as we have the evidence, they do not need to know who was responsible. (I suspect that you - or any other member- would not be their only target.)
I am used to fielding the resultant abuse and it's like water off a duck's back.
They all say boxer shorts are cool,
but little Speedos always rule.
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Minerva
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Post by Minerva »

TayDay95 wrote: 2 years ago
Minerva wrote: 2 years ago I have been a victim of SA in the past, and for me, it took years and lots of courage to come out and talk about it with friends. It's a humiliating and powerless experience.
Thank you for sharing this with us [mention]Minerva[/mention], I'm sure it wasn't easy to do so.

Just know you've got a lot of people here who care and won't stand for creeps and pervs in this forum, nor anywhere else.
Thank you. I wanted to bring up my past trauma to explain how a survivors mind acts after an event like this, so I'd rather not focus on that for now lol.
Xtc wrote: 2 years ago Thank you for the contribution, @Minerva

If the problem is pm's (which it usually is) all we can do is show the trolls the door.
We can only do that if we know about the problem.
As long as we have the evidence, they do not need to know who was responsible. (I suspect that you - or any other member- would not be their only target.)
I am used to fielding the resultant abuse and it's like water off a duck's back.
Yes, predators arent the kind to do one offs. Yes, I get why its hard to moderate these kinds of problems, especially if the victims are ashamed/afraid of talking about it.

All Im saying is we need more visibility for this issue, and support groups. Ive been trying to assist girls who are harrased on the site, they go through the same feelings I did... many times after those chats... well, those ones are the final ones.
Heartbreaking.
Even more heartbreaking that I dont know how to fix this issue properly.
DM's always open.
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Post by JulieG »

There’s maybe half a dozen on my ignore list. Don’t know if they are still active.

I’m old enough to take it, just ignore it, I’ve had a lifetime of creeps, not just online.

Someone younger, especially someone just starting to learn / come to terms with TUGs and /or their sexuality would likely be far more intimidated. I notice there a few young writers ( DruidPrincess, CarlyNickel, Heather) who get to about ten posts or just over when PMs start, who then go quiet. Such a shame for the board that we loose their writing , but how bad for them that they come to a place to safely share their rather unusual desires just to be scared away.
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Post by JulieG »

Add doubleddelta to the ten and out list.
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Post by TayDay95 »

JulieG wrote: 1 year ago Add doubleddelta to the ten and out list.
😔😔 Bloody shame
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Post by Headscarf Hannah »

Thank you someone for speaking up. I've had some great interactions with guys in this site but have been on the receiving end of several creepy messages as well. I try to ignore those I don't find respectful but it can really leave a lasting impact.
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Post by AlexUSA3 »

The wisdom I have learned in over 12 years hanging around this and the previous board is this: if they'll say it to a total stranger in an introductory message, they're probably not far from being on a predator list.

We have lots of teens on here, and it's probably horrendously traumatic to see such stuff especially if you're in the 13-16 range where your brain will barely be able to process what you're reading
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Post by Jennyjay »

I appreciate positive comments and I appreciate people wanting to talk to me.

If you want to talk to me please comment on a post I’ve made first or message me with a “Hello. I like ……… you seem to …….. can we talk about …..”

Please don’t just say “ Hi. Want to chat?” Because if you do , the answer will be NO!
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Post by BearPlants »

I've just come across this thread and wanted to cycle it back up to the top - definitely worth the read for anyone new or new-ish to the site.
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Post by some_wanderer »

I'm kind of anxious if everyone here views me as one of the creeps. 🤔
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