Bondage expectation vs reality and my evolution of bondage interests

[WillHBonney]

A recent bondage experience has got me thinking about the differences between a bondage scenario in my head and how it plays out in reality.

So I met a woman online through a vanilla dating app and we hit it off. Suddenly we got talking about our kinks and fantasies and it turned out we both shared a love of bondage. She had a lot more experience with me. Being bi, she had dominated several men and women but never got her turn as a sub which she told me she craved. As a switch I told her I would be happy to oblige if she returned the favour.

So we met up several times before for normal dates, and things went well.
After a while I invited her to stay at mines for the weekend and we decided to play on one of the nights. The week long build up to her stay I spent fantasising about what we would do. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not some super flexible model. My expectations were simple. Maybe she'd chair tie me and leave me squirming whilst she occasionally teased me?

To avoid turning this into a story, I'll skim over the details. I tied her up first, cuffing her hands behind her back and tying her ankles crossed over. She was ball gagged, nipple clamped and blindfolded. I left her kneeling in the middle of the room whilst I spanked and teased her for an hour with a wand.

Next was my turn. My hands were tied behind my back with her tights. Her pants were stuffed into my mouth and secured with more tights. Then I was blindfolded with another pair of tights. I was led to a chair and sat on it in the centre of the room. Then my ankles were tied with yep, you guessed it, more tights (She specifically brought several pairs for this purpose). Finally, she added nipple clamps.

She then proceeded to write her name on me with marker pen, and kiss all over my body with thick red lipstick leaving several lip marks on me. You could see she was definitely more experienced as a domme than I was.

She did everything I had hoped for, and much much more. Yet as I sat there, I actually found myself kinda bored. I just wanted to be untied so I could tie her up again. I actually felt quite silly sat there, and almost like a spoilt child. Here I was getting exactly what I wanted and yet I wasn't that bothered about it.
I didn't last the whole hour. I eventually asked to be untied and we did other stuff instead.


But it got me wondering. It felt very anti climactic. Like when you seen a TV advert for a toy as a child and it was all super hyped and excited then you got the toy and felt like "ah cool. Guess I own this now.".
I might have ruined my perception of bondage by writing all these wild and extreme stories on here, by watching hours of professional bondage models and riggers doing their thing.
I've never been one for extreme bondage, a chair tie and a gag excited me. Yet there I was, and nothing.

I think years of viewing bondage material online and wishing to swap places with the sub has actually built up my desire to be the dominant more than I was aware.
I think that when it comes to subbing, fantasy trumps reality for me.
Or maybe my interest in bondage as a whole has started to decline...

Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences to mines? Or has noticed a significant change in their bondage interests over time?

[Lucky Lottie]

I don't think you're alone in your experience. I think I can speak for most people when I say it's the big things we like in stories that make it fun to fantasize. The tying up, the torture, the teasing etc. The reality in my experience is that IRL bondage scenes are all about the little things. At some point your going to have to sit there and wait while your domme has to do something like fumble with a toy, or adjust you bindings, really boring stuff that snaps you to the reality of your situation.

I've had plenty of moments where the absurd reality of what's happening floods your head and you doubt yourself. It's all part of growing in kink. It's also why people pay for dommes to do the hard work, spanking someone isn't hard, doing it while keeping them from reality is. Most of my first time encounters with dommes were similar, there is a learning curve with everyone new you play with. Moods also change, I almost always want to be tied up but some days I literally want to be tied up and left alone under a cosy blanket, other days I want to be forced to tears. Communication is key.

It could be that you simply need different stimuli to keep your mind entertained. I certainly didn't appreciate the idea of more intense tortures when I was new to kink, now it's all I think about because they help keep my mind from wandering. You could also be genuinely finding out that subbing isn't for you. Plenty of first time encounters lead to the submissive picking up the ropes themselves and never looking back.

The sad reality is that fantasies are always going to be better than the real thing. I get asked about my profile pic a lot and it pleases me greatly. Awesome shot, awesome day, fantastic suspension! The reality is that it hurt like hell and the fifteen minutes leading up to it made me regret having a spine. Would I do it again? Yes. Would my expectations be different? Absolutely.

You just have to find what works for you. Even if that means sitting back and living out the fantasy in your head, it's all valid.

[rtbw]

This is a really good topic, [mention]WillHBonney[/mention]. I agree we can raise our expectations too high by what we watch and consume. I also agree with [mention]Lucky Lottie[/mention] that our interests can change. Maybe you're not as much of a sub anymore.

I also agree that real-life bondage is about the little things, but I feel those little things add so much to the enjoyment. Maybe you didn't feel much from the woman tying you up and teasing you, but you're lucky you had someone to give you what she thought you'd enjoy. And what a wonderful opportunity it was for you to connect with her as she bound you and played with you. You can't be intimate like that with just anybody, especially in such a kinky way.

I've played a lot of TUGs with my wife, and I've shared about some of them in the True Stories for Adults section. But those stories are embellished. They never go as smoothly as I write them. We spend a lot of time tying me down, especially because my wife isn't very good at tying things down with knots. I have to walk her through, or she fumbles through several times, or we mess up our dialogue during our roleplay. But I enjoy even those seemingly boring moments as I surrender myself to her or when we mess up. We have good conversations, and I just appreciate her presence. It's such an intimate experience getting to the point when I'm actually tied down, and I appreciate so much her indulging me because she's not as enthusiastic about TUGs as I am.

And even when things don't go well during a TUG, it's a good experience. I shared a story in that other section about the first time I got hogtied. I've always dreamed of being tied up like that while dressed as Robin the Boy Wonder. When I showed up in my mask, cape, and tights and my wife hogtied me, it should have been a dream come true except that it really hurt. My body couldn't handle it, and it was probably less than 30 minutes when we aborted the TUG. My body was very sore, but I'm so glad I shared that time of vulnerability with her, and it felt so nice when we fell asleep as she comforted me.

There are other times when our TUGs haven't been lively or I wasn't aroused because we were tired from a long day or week. But that's OK too...we acknowledge it's not a great day for a good TUG and either try to make the most of it or do something else to be with each other.

Anyway, I say all that to say you still had something special happening with the woman you played with. It shouldn't be a total letdown for you.