War at Home (m/m) - CYOA, short, first try

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FelixSH
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War at Home (m/m) - CYOA, short, first try

Post by FelixSH »

This is a bit unorthodox, so if this thread gets deleted, I understand. But I'll try, at least.

I started to play around with Twine, a program that lets you create Interactive Fiction. You probably can call these stories also Choose Your Own Adventure (or CYOA) games - you get a paragraph, and then decide how to proceed. You can make every word or couple of words into a link, leading you to another page, and even include pictures and stuff.

It's super short. Just a general example, so people get the idea. The link is here.

I would really, really love to get some feedback on this. Again, it's super short, you are probably done in five minutes, ten if you do everything. I just want to find out, if there is interest in something like that. I would also add new, self-drawn pictures, if I were to build something longer.

But it's also a lot of work. And I'm not going to do it, if there isn't any interest, that would be wasted time.

So, please, give it a try, and tell me how you like it. Even if your opinion is just "boring". I only want to know if there is a point in doing a bigger project. I would really love to, but there is simply no point, if there is no audience.

I'm not even sure if it is ok to link to stories on other sites here - this forum isn't really made for something like this. So, again, I understand if this gets deleted, but the main audience for the Twine stories I would write, are the people here. I have no chance of finding an audience anywhere else. Reading through the rules, I didn't find anything that forbids what I did here. So, I'll just try.
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Post by Stormee »

I gave it a go for my first run and got Ending 3 of being mummified in tape with a sock gag and my older brother's shoe over my nose. Nice work. I'm gonna try out the other endings. :D

@Killua and @Gil, you guys may like this fun interactive story.
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Post by Wedgieboy69 »

I like it. it seems like a lot of work to write all the options, but worth the effort.
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Post by wataru14 »

Very cute. And much praise for doing a CYOA. I tried to do one a while back and it was too much for me. The fact that you got one to work so well should make you proud!
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Post by Shotrow »

I love Twine games, and this is a great start. There's something about interactivity that makes even relatively simple stories fascinating.

I'll be upfront and say I'm not your target audience, since I'm not so into teenage males. But I hope I can offer some encouragement and suggestions regardless.

First, if you do a more complex story, don't make it as contained. The advantage of the interactive media is the sense of freedom that it gives the player, so it's wasted on a very confined story. Let the player explore the house, or even the neighborhood. Use that as a tool to develop the characters; for instance by having the protagonist be reminded of experiences with the brother by objects in the house related to those memories.

Learn to use conditionals and such if you haven't already. Being able to extract things into numbers makes it way easier to give the player more options through means other than writing more paths. It's also a good way to give the player a goal. For instance, you could have had the outcome of trying to fight the brother depend on how many things the player did to prepare for the fight while exploring the house.

Lastly, if you include pictures, I suggest making them optional.

Good job on trying something new and ambitious!
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Post by FelixSH »

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I hope for more feedback, but knowing that there is an audience is good enough.
Shotrow wrote: 5 days ago First, if you do a more complex story, don't make it as contained. The advantage of the interactive media is the sense of freedom that it gives the player, so it's wasted on a very confined story. Let the player explore the house, or even the neighborhood. Use that as a tool to develop the characters; for instance by having the protagonist be reminded of experiences with the brother by objects in the house related to those memories.
Thanks a lot for the extensive feedback, @Shotrow , I appreciate it. :)
Sure, I would definitely want to do something more extensive, with a lot more options and stuff that follows out of the taken ones. I played around a bit with that in the first part, with the three things the player could explore in a bit more detail. I'd probably add the possibility to find out certain things about the characters, that would be helpful information for future decisions, or just offering possibly useful items.
Shotrow wrote: 5 days ago Learn to use conditionals and such if you haven't already. Being able to extract things into numbers makes it way easier to give the player more options through means other than writing more paths. It's also a good way to give the player a goal. For instance, you could have had the outcome of trying to fight the brother depend on how many things the player did to prepare for the fight while exploring the house.
I certainly want to do more extensive stuff, I already looked over possibilities like basic programming logic in Twines language or a way to implement an inventory system. I'd also like to add a time system, to create a sense of urgency and maybe a way to try your luck. Dunno, I certainly have ideas that I have to think about.

I just wanted to keep it simple here, for the sake of finding out if people are interested in something like that, at all. Still should have made the "Flight" passage a bit more extensive. Another game would certainly have more complex options included.
Shotrow wrote: 5 days ago Lastly, if you include pictures, I suggest making them optional.
I didn't think of that, but it's a very sensible suggestion. Thanks!
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Post by Killua »

@Stormee Sorry your mentioning didn't work this time I didn't get a notification and only noticed it when you wrote me a message.

@FelixSH Nice idea. I like the way it works. I tested all endings :D
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Post by Shotrow »

FelixSH wrote: 5 days ago I certainly want to do more extensive stuff, I already looked over possibilities like basic programming logic in Twines language or a way to implement an inventory system. I'd also like to add a time system, to create a sense of urgency and maybe a way to try your luck. Dunno, I certainly have ideas that I have to think about.
Twine can be a very powerful tool with enough work. I mean, it is Turing-complete. If you want to study an example of a game that has all the things you mentioned and more, look up a game called "Degrees of Lewdity" (content warning: focuses heavily on non-consensual sex and corruption).
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Post by The slave »

this stuff is really awesome i love it
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Post by FelixSH »

Thanks for the feedback, everyone. Should be enough, to make it worthwhile to do something bigger.

Also, thanks @Stormee, for spreading the word. And I'll take a look at the game @Shotrow, but only at the mechanics, if I need them. The content doesn't sound much like something I would enjoy (thanks for the warning).
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