THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES (Several Elementals/m)

[tufriend]

I have a weird nostalgia to this post. A long time ago, on the old site, I believe you DMed me a chapter of this story. Interesting to read it all again.

[Xtc]

Nice to hear from you again,[mention]tufriend[/mention].
I expect the Elves are just getting revved up for the season now. I believe they already have some 'targets' in their sights.

[tufriend]

I've been lurking for a few years now.

[Xtc]

It's good that you have come out of the shadows!.

[Xtc]

MEMO

To: The Admins of Tieupgames.com
From: Old Father Christmas
Re: Lazy-arse Brit
Date: 3/12/20

It has been pointed out to me that [mention]Xtc[/mention] did not properly finish last year’s episode.

He said he was washing his hair. Sounds like rubbish to me so will you please get him to finish it? If not, I shall have to arrange a visit from my Elves. Please let me know if he hasn't been a very good boy by Sunday.

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!
FX

Posted (by command of Old Father Christmas) by Elf Yewtree.

[Xtc]

OK, OK, here's the end of last year's tale.
Not much tying up but I'm sure readers will want to know what happened to our miscreants.

[Xtc]

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS – AND HIS ELVES


On Christmas Day in the Morning

Moses woke up on Christmas morning. He wondered why he felt as though he hadn’t been to sleep at all. Then he remembered that weird dream. That’s what it must have been – a dream. Or so he thought until he pulled off his duvet and realised that he was without his usual night attire. Not only that, he was wearing a pink ra-ra skirt. He stood in open-mouthed horror as the awful truth dawned on him. He moved across to the mirror and noticed the strappy top. Oh no! Oh yes: and what seemed to be amplified versions of a little girl’s underwear. For the first time ever he didn’t want to dash downstairs to see what goodies Santa had left him. The dreadful truth slowly dawned on him.

Moses had some decisions to make. He couldn’t present himself in front of the rest of the family dressed like that. Neither could he stay in bed forever. Moses decided to risk it, after all it wasn’t a weekend. He removed the humiliating garb and tentatively dressed himself in his normal daytime style. But he did fold it tidily before stowing it in a discrete bag in his wardrobe. His arival in the living room was greeted by several variants on “Merry Christmas, Sleepy Mo”. However, the look on Jess’s face was the complete give-away. Moses’s hands moved automatically to his crutch. He was convinced that he was wearing that bloody pink horror. Before he could beat the hasty retreat that was his first reaction, everybody must have noticed. He did get himself together and reappear eventually but Jess was dressed for the occasion. For some reason, she was wearing a strappy top with a picture of Pinky Pie on it.

Model Citizens

When Jake woke up on the sofa in his mum’s flat, he had a problem: Once his head had cleared, he looked in the bathroom mirror. He quickly removed the present tag from round his neck. Then he quickly changed his mini-briefs before dressing in his customary scruffy style. It was a good job he was an early riser.

Jake changed his habits in several ways over the next year. He was almost a respectable citizen. He also used the first wages from his Saturday job to buy several pairs of boxers, just in case.

-===00000===-

Eventually, the noise in Jimmy’s place roused even him form the Land of Nod. He remembered that it was Christmas morning and there was only one thing to do. He leaped out of bed and made straight for the living room. His parents and his siblings had already strewn the floor with wrapping paper. However, all activity stopped as Jimmy appeared.

“Oh yes, very festive.” The whole family laughed not because Jimmy was dressed only in his boxers; they were used to that. The baubles in his ears and the tag round his neck were a bit unusual, though.

“Oh shit!” Jimmy suddenly remembered his recent encounter at the North Pole.

“Language, James.”

Jimmy had to think fast; he tried to look confident. “Ho, ho ho, Merry Christmas?” He didn’t sound quite as convincing as his recent host.

“Merry Christmas, Son, go on, this lot’s yours.” Jimmy got away with it but, let’s face it: he already knew that he had an entire year to suffer.

TBC

[Xtc]

This year's miscreants have been identified.
Story to follow soon.

[Xtc]

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES

Be Prepared

"Oh bugger! Bloody things must have shrunk!" The Elves decided to keep their heads down. "Sodding costume! It fitted last year. It's fitted for at least the last five hundred years." Old Father Christmas was having a problem. It was September already and Elf Yewtree had arranged that bloody annoying photo-call. The in-house calendar needed preparing. Father Christmas was still in his onesie and had only just located his formal gear.

Hearing the commotion, Elf Yewtree sighed deeply and made for his oldest friend's quarters. "Look at this! The belt doesn't fasten and my cloak looks like the waistcoat on the organ grinder's monkey." That was somewhat of an exaggeration. The heavy, fur-lined green robe was, however. even wider agape than usual. As for the green leather jerkin, it looked as though the buttons were screaming for release.

After all those centuries, Elf Yewtree had to explain something the rest of us already know. Anything you drop on the floor always fits when you pick it up again and put it on. Anything you hang in the wardrobe for nine months shrinks. The Old Man was not much comforted.

The Senior Elf had a suggestion, he'd always wanted the Boss to update his image. Now was the time! He poured two large glasses of vintage sloe gin and called for Fairy Snowflake. Once her mission was explained, it took less than the shake of a reindeer's tail to accomplish it. She disappeared and, in a flash (North Pole time), reappeared with Fairy Firefly. They had obviously been on a prolonged girls' shopping expedition. Isn't inter-dimensional temporal dimorphism useful?

The Shopping Trip

Elf Yewtree wasn't surprised to find that fairy Snowflake had recruited Fairy Firefly to help her. Neither he nor Father Christmas, however, had expected to see two of the other three ‘helpers’. Elf Bindweed was there with Baby Snowdrop under one arm and two leads in his other hand. The two teenage lads on the other ends of the leads looked terrified. Not only that, they were totally laden with parcels.

"Young Ladies," boomed the old man, "You know that no human should ever see me like this." The two fairies giggled. "For Goodness sake, nobody will believe in someone with little robins all over his onesie."

"Oh, come off it, Nicholas," Elf Yewtree was the only one who could address Old Father Christmas like that. (Other than Mother C., that is. She suddenly seemed to remember an urgent appointment when "Old Granddad Grumpy" got up.) "You know full well that they will only be able to see you as anything or anyone you choose. Drink up and I think the ladies have something to show you." Elf Yewtree sent for a further bottle of vintage sloe gin. (It was so good for his boss's voice and there was plenty for two.) He also asked Elf Bindweed to "entertain the visitors" until he could find time to "talk to them".

In House Arrangements

The two fairies unburdened the unfortunate humans and separated the parcels into three piles. The two piles in the pretty wrappings seemed strangely to be much larger than the other one. Elf Bindweed handed a lead to each of the experienced shoppers. They told the still gobsmacked youths to pick up a pile of pretty parcels each and follow them. Elf Bindweed administered a helpful kick up the bum to each of them. Then he took Baby Snowdrop to his workshop to await the return of the youths. Elf Bindweed burped the baby. By the time he had laid him in his sleigh-shaped crib, he was ready for visitors.

The two fairies returned still with a youth each in tow. All holding spells were cancelled and the boys suddenly found their tongues.

"Have we just seen . . ?"

"Where the. . ?"

Elf Bindweed hooked the ends of the leads over different locking hooks on the wall. "Yes, you have, and the North Pole in that order. Where'd you think?"

"How . . ?"

"Obvious: magic."

"**** that. You can just let us go."

"Yeah, you're just some group of pervs. who like dressing up."

So far Elf Bindweed had let the yobbos see him in his cute little pointy-eared form. It was obviously time to take more drastic action. The impending apparent change could either be gradual or immediate. Elf Bindweed considered which transformation would have the more dramatic effect. "Well, why shouldn't I?" he thought, "I can do it." He'd let them both see the transformation differently. He thought he'd let the tall, blonde one with the French crop see a sudden transformation. He certainly shouted when he saw the Elf's true form: about six foot of balaclava'd thug. Initially, his mate couldn't see what had alarmed him so. The next six seconds, though, were really spooky. The little figure grew, his clothing turned black and those pointy shoes became Cherry Red DMs. At least the little pointy Santa cap was still red.

The shorter, dark-haired kid's squeal gradually rose in pitch. It seemed to rise in proportion to the effect as the Elf seemed to regain his full height.

"I need a little word with you two." The two youths pulled against their chains to no avail. Elf Bindweed let them shout and threaten; it was no skin off his nose. Eventually Elf Cobweb came to see what all the fuss was about. If Elf Bindweed in his true form was intimidating, he was nothing compared to his friend. Six foot five of solid muscle walked through the door.

The Elves Appeal to Reason

"Your guests en't arf making a row, Elf Bindweed."

"Yes, I'm sorry, Elf Cobweb, do you think we need to deal with that?"

"I believe we should, Elf Bindweed. Wouldn't want them waking the baby, would we?" The larger Elf produced two transparent balls and bounced one to his friend. The ball flashed as it bounced in a cheery, festive manner.

"Thank you, Elf Cobweb. Very jolly. One, two, THREE!" The two Elves were adept at abduction and they had this down to a fine art. On the count of "three", two knees were quickly raised and two boys doubled up and screamed. The balls were inserted and the Elves' hands were quickly clamped over their guests' mouths. Those balls were large but they did compress quite nicely. The effect as they continued flashing between the Elves' fingers was quite entertaining.

The youths didn't know what to do with their hands. They could clamp them over their aching knackers. Or they could try to dislodge the balls that were still flashing in their mouths?

"You have a choice," said Elf Cobweb, "If you cooperate, this will be humiliating. If you don't, it will be excruciating." Neither of the youngsters seemed to be over-bright but even they understood that. Four hands returned to the protective position. After which, the heels of two boots no longer ground into the guests' insteps. Elvish hands were removed from human mouths.

"Good, now I don't want to mention cooperation again. Understand?" Frantic nodding seemed to imply the affirmative response. Elf Bindweed went over to his bench and collected something; he threw it to his colleague.

"After you, Elf Cobweb."

"Most kind, Elf Bindweed. OK, Blondie, hold still and I won't need to explain things again." Andrew (as he was called) thought it was best to do as he was asked. As the transparent tape was stuck to his cheek, he kept as still as possible. The larger Elf wrapped the tape at least seven times around the taller boy's head. The flashing ball no longer protruded as much as it had done but it could still be seen flashing.

"An excellent job, Elf Cobweb, but what if it stops flashing?"

"Then he'll just have to nod his head violently - like this: -" Elf Cobweb gave Andrew a swift back-hander to the gut. The ball started flashing again. "Or he could just do it without assistance. Like this: -" The Elves waited. "Like this: -" hinted Elf Cobweb again as he positioned his arm. Even Andrew wasn't too stupid not to nod as violently as his collar would let him.

"Very festive, Elf Cobweb."

"Yes, I thought so, Elf Bindweed. Why don't you have a go with the short-arse?" Elf Bindweed soon had the darker yobbo effectively silenced and flashing in counterpoint to his mate.

"Do you think they would try to remove their gags as soon as our backs are turned, Elf Bindweed?" Both boys shook their heads; that started the flashing again.

"I think they might not be telling us the truth, you know?"

"You could well be right, my friend."

"And we wouldn't want to have to punish them any more, would we?"

"You are so considerate."

The inter-Elf nonsense continued as they prepared the necessary equipment. All the while it did so, two young humans grew more wide-eyed as they saw what was happening.

TBC

 

[Xtc]

 

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


The New Wardrobe (1)

When the two fairies had separated the parcels, two piles were noticeably larger than the third one. The ones in the pretty wrappings seemed strangely to be much larger than the other one. They had obviously spent more time in ‘Oofle Dust’ than they had in ‘Elves Я Us’. The smallest pile was obviously the one they had bought for Father Christmas’s consideration. Elf Yewtree collected what was left of the bottle of sloe gin and prepared to follow the Old Man. He sent the parcels to Old Father Christmas’s quarters by magic. (After all, being Senior Elf does have certain privileges.) He then accompanied his old friend to his dressing room.

The first parcel was soon opened by magic (much less messy that way). Old Father Christmas removed his green cloak and dropped the wide, black leather belt. Then he unbuttoned the green leather jerkin and hung it on the floor. The little robins on his onesie looked quite jolly in the circumstances. He thought he would retain his black breeches and his riding boots in the interests of dignity.

The first costume was the type worn by the fake American Santa Clauses. That went down well – not! “Bloody ridiculous, a bum-freezer, a silly little pointed hat and a thin leather belt. Oh well, perhaps it will look better with red breeches.” It didn’t. Father Christmas examined himself in a full-length mirror. “I look like that old Coca-Cola advert. No, more like a giant a beach-ball with a black stripe round it.” That was one costume that was rejected.

Special Treatment

Readers might wonder why the Elves were being uncharacteristically violent to their guests. Well, it was because of the nature of their offenses. These two, Andrew and his mate Tony, were bullies in school. Even worse they did unmentionable things on the sleeping bag of a rough sleeper. They were basically just thuggish chavs. The Elves thought they deserved reeling in early and, besides, the Fairies appreciated their help.

At least the Elves’ guests had to stop tugging on their chains as they protected their assets. Elf Cobweb continued, “OK, lads, get ‘em off.” There followed the inevitable stream of unintelligible invective. “OK, suit yourselves.”

“Do you think we’ll have to help them, Elf Cobweb?”

“I think we might have to do that, Elf Bindweed.”

“Equipment, Elf Cobweb?”

“Equipment, Elf Bindweed. I Thank you.” That was impressive. Have you seen the, ‘That’s not a knife’ scene in ‘Crocodile Dundee’? Well, it was a double case of, ‘THAT’s a knife,’ as Elf bindweed handed over a shiny hunting knife.

The skilful and swift application of two knives to two belts got the thugs’ attention once more. “Now get ‘em off?’ The lads did so as quickly as they could under the circumstances. The video of them hopping around as they tried to remove their footwear was most entertaining. They certainly wouldn’t want their victims seeing it. Getting their shell bottoms off was also not too easy. All the while they couldn’t bend over very far, they had to settle for treading them off. That left Tony in just his black ‘Kalvin Kleins’ with his t-shirt hanging from his chain. Andrew had only his white ‘Pringle’ button fly boxers. They didn’t look so stylish now.

“That’s better, now isn’t it?” Elf Cobweb got no reply

“Much better than having to be helped I’m sure, eh?” Neither did Elf Bindweed.

The Elves waited for long enough to allow the thugs to think that they had completed their strip.

“OK, boys, now the undies.” Elf Bindweed’s instruction wasn’t well received. Nor was the application of Elf Cobweb’s knife to the waistband of Andrew’s boxers. Tony took the hint. Andrew didn’t dare move until the knife was repositioned. Following such an erudite warning, the two deeply colouring prisoners were soon naked. At least it gave them something to do with their hands again.

The New Wardrobe (2)

Elf Yewtree couldn’t suppress a smile as he handed Old Father Christmas a fresh glass.

“OK, that one’s bloody useless; what’s next?” The Old Grandfather Frost costume was rejected as impractical and was quickly discarded. The Sinterklass kit fared no better. “Can’t even go out with Black Pete these days; the fairies say it’s ‘politically incorrect’.” Father Christmas put on his best infantile voice at that stage. “Besides, he goes out on December the 6th. Two night’s work a year’s too much at my age.” That counted as another wardrobe malfunction.

Interim Arrangements

As I said, it was September. So, the workshops were at full stretch preparing the presents for the good boys and girls. Elves Cobweb and Bindweed thought they knew where they could find some extra labour. He explained that they would be helping his colleagues in the workshop.

“Ready, boys?” The Elves made to release the chains from the hooks. The muffled squealing and head-shaking was quite pathetic, really.

“What’s wrong?” Two heads nodded towards what their hands were covering.

“Oh, yes, I forgot. Sorry. Elf Bindweed, do you think we could find these fellows some clothes?”

“Most certainly, Elf Cobweb, I shall not be a moment.” Elf Bindweed collected something from a nearby pigeonhole. “Alright, boys, get ‘em on.”

The replies could have been, “Thank you so much,” but I don’t think so. The thugs looked dumfounded at the garments they had been given.

“Oh well, if you don’t want them, let’s go.” Once more the Elves made to release the chains from the wall.

There was more determined head-shaking as the garments were clasped to desperate bodies. They seemed to indicate that, on the contrary, the bullies would be delighted to wear nappies.

“OK then one more chance, get ’em on.” Not having done so before, neither boy found the process easy. But the video continued to give good value. Pull-ups would have been far too awkward to put on chained as they were. Even the Velcro fastenings were not much easier to manipulate. Nevertheless, two teenagers were soon arrayed in ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’ nappies. They weren’t even that much too small.

The Elves thought that a little taunting was called for. No, the thugs would not want their victims to be able to see them like that. Elf Cobweb showed an excerpt of the video. That surprised them. I would say that they were open-mouthed but you know what I mean. They even seemed a little less defiant afterwards.

“Alright, boys, hands behind you.” As the visitors were going to the workshop, the Elves didn’t bother using festive ropes, just jute ones. Two sullen but somewhat cowed youths tried to remain still as the Elves worked carefully. Each soon had barley flexible rope cuffs keeping his wrists not much more than eight inches apart.

“You’ve met the boss?” It was a rhetorical question so the lads didn’t respond.

“My colleague asked you if you’d met our boss!” This time there was much flashing as the thugs nodded vigorously. They seemed to be getting the idea. “Well, I think he wants another little word with you.” With that two humiliated youths were led away to the Throne Room.

TBC

 

[Xtc]

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


The New Wardrobe (3)

The pile of unwrapped costumes was gradually diminishing as was the level in the sloe gin bottle. The pile of wreckage in the middle of the dressing room floor was not.

The British costume nearly made it. The riding hood with its long cloak was certainly slimming and the hood would certainly be warm. Elf Yewtree took another fill. Things were looking up as Old Father Christmas pulled on his wellies. Then he spotted the snag. Once he’d put the holly wreath round the hood, he looked like something on a Roman wall.

Apparently, the wreath was non-negotiable. Elf Yewtree sent for another bottle of sloe gin; this could take some time yet.

Eventually, Old Father Christmas had rejected costumes from just about every possible country. So, there was only one thing for it, why hadn’t they thought of it before? Father Christmas picked up his original garb and, as he put it on this time, it fitted perfectly. Of course it did; it was magic. Father Christmas tried his catch phrase, “Ho, ho ho! Merry Christmas!” That felt good!

On his way out of his quarters, the Old Man jammed the holly wreath down on his head. “Bloody thing, far too prickly.” All was right with the world at least as far as HQ(NP) was concerned. The two old friends picked up their glasses and put their arms around each other. They staggered unsteadily back to the Throne Room.

A Few Things Explained

Old Father Christmas seated himself comfortably and made himself ready to receive visitors. “Me-me-me. Ho, ho, (cough, hawk, splutter).” A nine-month lay-off had played havoc with his voice. “Me-me-me, thank you Elf Yewtree. (A brief pause for a little slurp.) mee-meE-MEE! Ah, that’s better. Ho, ho, ho! Meeery Christmas.” Everyone present ignored the undignified burp. “Ah, my good Elves, who is this you’ve brought to meet me?”

Two very reluctant youths were led into the presence and forced to their knees. “What, no present sacks, my fine Elves?”

“Well, you know, Santa, it is only September and we won’t need to deliver them until Christmas Eve.” The full horror of their situation was only just starting to dawn on the yobbos.

“Quite right, Elf Bindweed, but please don’t call me Santa.”

“Awrigh’, Boss”. Old Father Christmas sighed. How many centuries had it been? Perhaps he should have been stricter with his Elves. They really should be more formal in the way they addressed him in company. But they were so good at their jobs that it wasn’t worth bothering about.

“These scumbags are bullies and they treat rough sleepers like s***.”

“Language, young Elf.”

“Sorry, Chief, should of said, ‘crap’.” Old Father Christmas sighed.

“Right then, let’s see what they have to say for themselves. Let’s start with the little one.” Calling Tony ‘the little one’ wasn’t really fair; it’s just that he was smaller than Andrew and slighter. However, his physique, that was only too clearly on display, was trim rather than skinny. Some of the Fairies even described him as cute. Tony was not much comforted by that as they giggled.

Elf Cobweb produced that knife again. Tony froze. The knife was being wielded by an expert and there was (hardly) any injury as the tape was slit. That was bad enough but the squeal as it was pulled free from his hair was mercifully muffled. But there was much flashing between his teeth.

“Well, my dear boy, take a look at these.” Father Christmas’s TechElf started showing Tony some slides. Well, you know and I know that they weren’t really slides. They were images summoned from the poor kid’s subconscious. He saw a procession of normal looking kids who had only one thing in common. They weren’t that robust looking. Elf Cobweb forced the flashing ball from Tony’s mouth.

“L-look, we never done nuffink to them lyin’ wimps, honest, Santa.” Elf Cobweb put his hand over Tony’s mouth before he could dig himself in any deeper.

“Firstly, young man, I am Old Father Christmas and secondly, I know who’s been naughty and bad.” Tony’s eyes grew wider as the magical video show continued. “Now, would you like to explain what you have just seen?” Let’s face it: he couldn’t – well, not without condemning himself irrevocably.

“Very well, just stay silent while I have a little word with your colleague here.” Tony sagged. Andrew wasn’t keen on seeing that knife approaching his face.

“Well, young man, what do you have to say?” Andrew was obviously not too stupid to deny what he had done to several of his victims. Tony felt himself disappearing further down a deep well with every one of his mate’s confessions.

“Ho, ho, ho! That seems to be fairly conclusive. Better get them down to work until Christmas Eve.”

“Look, you old ****, you can’t keep us ‘ere.” Andrew seemed to have gathered new courage.

“Nuh, our folks is gunna miss us.” Even Tony revived under the new threat. There was much ribaldry among the assembled company. These thickos simply did not understand.

Old Father Christmas waved his hand. The boys became silent. “My good Elves, will you please take these two young men home? No sacks, though.” The Elves grinned.

Putting Things Into Context

“Yeah, that’s it; take us ‘ome.”

“Oh, and if you would be kind enough to ensure that they can’t get themselves into any more trouble.” The Elves swung into action with the festively flashing balls.

“No, no, my dear Elves, please don’t be so brutal. Surely you have something more appropriate than those flashing balls. After all, they are rather large for the poor young people’s mouths.”

“But they look so jolly, Father Christmas.”

“Yes, my good Elf, but you know what a softie I am; they are very demanding on the jaws.”

Never let it be said that the fairies left all the tormenting to the Elves: Fairy Flutterby had an idea. She twitched her right shoulder, winked her left eye and disappeared. She returned almost instantaneously. (Please see previous explanations). She was greeted with adulatory applause. Yes! What a good idea. She curtseyed displaying a trophy in each hand, “Ta-da!” - How unladylike.

The ’guests’ were gobsmacked. Fairy Flutterby had collected a pair of those items that the workshop makes for certain types of ‘party’. The yobbos didn’t recognise them. They were the only ones who didn’t (Just saying).

“Wonderful, young lady, what a splendid suggestion, so fitting with the young men’s costumes.” The ‘hard men’ slowly came to recognise what Fairy Flutterby was presenting to the Elves. They were not happy.

“OK then, open wide.” Neither lad seemed to want to oblige Elf Bindweed; the Elves’ eyes lit up. They would be only too delighted to persuade them to cooperate. However, it was goodwill and Fairy-dust time. Fairy Firefly just touched each of them on one shoulder with her wand. That caused a strange tingling feeling to spread through their bodies. As it did so, neither boy could stop his jaws opening wider than they would have thought possible.

“Thank you, my fine young lady, I think, perhaps that that is wide enough now. Would you not agree, boys?” The unfortunate yobbos nodded frantically with their mouths still wide agape. That was another fine contribution to the video.

“I think our guests are ready now.” They certainly were, and their jaws were starting to ache already. The over-sized dummies that the Elves lodged into their guests’ mouths looked quite festive. They had pretty pink ribbons attached to either side. Fairy Firefly touched the boys lightly on the opposite shoulders this time. They had that strange tingling feeling once more. Then their jaws clamped down on the over-sized, rigid rubber teats. The ribbons were tied behind the boys’ heads to hold the dummies firmly in place. Because the Fairies tied the knots, they finished them with attractive, over-sized bows.

“Ho, ho, ho! Very festive, young ladies. Don’t you agree, boys?” They looked at one another. They did not seem to agree. “Very well, my young Elves, just make sure that can’t slip their hands under their bums, please. Then take them home. Thank you. Oh, and you’d better make sure they can’t run away either.”

Dressing the Visitors

The thought of going home rendered the bullies rather more cooperative as they were led away. Those chains and collars still didn’t look that festive, though. Once more the chains were locked to hooks on Elf Bindweed’s workshop wall.

The Elf went searching for some of that special Christmas tinsel. You know: the stuff that’s as tough as barbed wire but much prettier. He explained that, as long as they didn’t struggle, it shouldn’t really hurt all that much. He didn’t look exactly as if he was telling the truth.

He looped the sparkly stuff between Andrew’s elbows and pulled them towards each other. “You were right, Elf Bindweed, you did get his elbows to touch.”

“Just class, my friend, just class.” Elf bindweed reinforced the bindings several times before tying the tinsel off between Andrew’s arms. It was certainly going to hurt if he was left like that for too long but, you know . . .”

Elf Cobweb’s job was easier with the slighter captive and Tony would probably not suffer as much. The Elves spun their subjects around to examine each other’s work. “A fine job, Elf Bindweed.”

“As, indeed is yours, Elf Cobweb.”

“Hang on, though, there’s something missing. Why don’t you continue with Blondie while I go looking for something?” Elf Cobweb left the room while Elf Bindweed took some more of his special tinsel out of store. By the time Elf Cobweb reappeared, Andrew was sporting even more of it. Elf Bindweed had tied tinsel above and below his knees and round his ankles. That left him very unstable and he really didn’t want to topple, that collar would have hurt. Elf Bindweed had expressed his artistic side by spiralling some more tinsel round his lower legs.

Elf Cobweb presented some of what he had found to his friend for his approval. “Oh, very fine, do you think they’ll like it?” I think you can guess the answer to that.

Elf Cobweb continued to work on the darker yobbo until his festive wrappings resembled his mate’s. By the time he had finished, Elf Bindweed was still working. He had located the middle of a long string of small, round beads. He then looped it over Andrew’s neck and criss-crossed it several times round his torso. He tied it off at the front with a sizeable bow. He then fastened it with a cable tie just to be sure. When Elf Cobweb had finished his task, Tony was adorned with a similar harness of beads. His, however were golden.

“Do you think that one more string would be vulgar, Elf Bindweed?”

“That all depends what you are proposing, Elf Cobweb.” Elf Cobweb showed him. Ah, you have such exquisite taste, good Elf.” By the time the Eves had finished, each of their victims sported strings of little tinkly bells.
 

TBC

[Xtc]

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


The Homecoming.

With two miscreants, obviously Rudolf could not be used. A Robin Reliant simply isn’t big enough to accommodate two Elves and two other passengers. So, Donner and Blitzen it would have to be, that would also allow the Elves to work independently.

Chains were freed from hooks and a well-practiced routine started.

“Ready, Elf Bindweed?”

“Ready Elf Cobweb.” No one bothered to ask the prisoners if they were ready as they were hoisted onto shoulders. The cries of alarm were effectively stifled and were unlikely to disturb anyone. The journey to the stables was a short one. The youngsters had never seen anything like Donner and Blitzen before. It wasn’t just that they were 500 cc Kwaka’s but they had been fitted with sidecars. Who the **** fits a great bike like that with a sidecar?

The lids were lifted and the passengers dumped unceremoniously amidst the tinkling of tiny bells. The undignified process of having seatbelts forced up between their bound legs was a bit of a shock. However, they were soon safely secured in a five-strap harness. They were unlikely to be going anywhere that the bike was not going until they were released.

The lids of the sidecars were closed and the passengers were no longer able to see out. The Elves mounted and turned the engines over. They much preferred to use those reindeer rather than Dancer and Prancer. Underpowered Honda 125’s didn’t suit their image.

Following a short taxiing run, with unseemly whoops the Elves took to the air. They could travel most of the way together and they were in no hurry. Radio contact allowed them to maintain friendly conversation all the way. All the passengers could hear was the sound of powerful engines. That was a torment, really, because it was important that the reindeer could travel in silence. Sometimes people could swear that they heard bells; perhaps they were right.

As they approached their destinations, the Elves parted with a cheery wave. Being unable to see out, the passengers would not know where they had landed. Neither would they be able to see how the Elves gained entry to their destinations.

===00000===

Elf Cobweb lifted the top of the sidecar and Andrew looked around. Yes! It was his room! But . . . There was something not quite right. OK, once his mind had cleared, it was obvious. He had to share his room with his little brother but there was no sign of their bunk beds. Not only that, it was tidy! The awful truth dawned when he saw those posters of lame boy bands: his sister had his room!

“Yes, it’s almost as if you were never here isn’t it?” This was spooky. “Your sister has this room and your brother has what you think is her room. After all, your parents didn’t need to cater for three children, did they?”

Andrew spluttered a lot as he heard the Elf’s explanation. As far as anyone was concerned, he had never existed so no one would miss him. Elf Cobweb let that sink in.

“Ready to go?” A defeated Andrew nodded.

Elf Cobweb forced a miniature version of a present sack over the trembling boy’s head. He pulled it none too tightly to his neck and closed the sidecar. Andrew heard the motorbike start up.

===00000===

Elf Bindweed pulled up in Tony’s flat. Of course, he had to make sure that no one was going to wake up (until he wanted them to). He flipped the sidecar open and waited. Jonno, Tony’s younger brother, was sound asleep and Tony hoped he would remain so. He would, of course, all the while the Elf’s spell held. With two beds in the room, there would probably not have been room for the combo as well. However, there was only the single bed where Jonno slept. A short explanation was called for. Elf Bindweed then unfastened the safety harness and draped Tony over his shoulder. That caused some alarm as the buckle passed between his legs.

Yes, as they toured the flat, Tony was in none of the photos. None of his clothes were hanging up anywhere and his precious bike wasn’t just inside the door. At least his school bag also seemed to be missing. “Ready to go back?” Tony nodded. Elf Bindweed returned Tony to his brother’s bedroom and stood him on his feet. He twitched his left shoulder and winked his right eye.

Jonno seemed to be stirring. He squinted blearily towards his brother. Tony whimpered. Jonno rubbed his eyes. Tony hoped he could just disappear into the wall. Jonno shook his head. Then the Elf twitched his right shoulder and winked his left eye. Jonno fell asleep again almost instantly. “OK, hero, time to get you back to HQ.”

Elf Bindweed picked up Tony effortlessly and seated him in the sidecar once more. The padding of the disposable nappy protected him from the harness buckle. Elf bindweed couldn’t be bothered to lift him out again and merely fastened the rest of the straps. He did not, however, spare him from the miniature present sack. “Don’t worry too much, mush*, I think the Boss will make you an offer.” If anything, Tony was now even more worried than he was before. He heard the motorbike fire up.


*Elf Bindweed was a Southampton Elf.

HQ(NP) Again

Elves Cobweb and Bindweed had enjoyed their jaunt, shame about their passengers, really. They soon returned to HQ(NP) but not before they’d given the reindeer a really good run out. That certainly beat having to use Rudolph the Robin Reliant.

The Elves returned the combos to the stables. Then they the carried their passengers into the Throne Room once more. There was a fair delay as Old father Christmas dressed and located his beloved holly wreath. The boys knelt trying not to move any more than necessary. Surely nothing worse could happen to them now? As soon as they sat on their heels, the tinsel tightened and they tried to kneel upright again. The constant bobbing up and down made another fine section for the video. (Remember: Elves don’t photograph.)

“Ho, ho, ho! And what do we have here, my fine Elves.”

“A couple of real diddle-os**, Father Christmas.”

“Yeah, nasty little diddle-os, Boss”. You’ve met them before.” Father Christmas sighed. The Elves removed the hessian sacks from, the heads of their charges. They seemed much more subdued than they were before their home visits.

“Ho, ho. ho! And do you know now why no one will come looking for you, young men?” Those collars must have hurt as they nodded determinedly. “Well, we’ll just set you to work for a while. Take you mind off things for a few days.” The bullies knew they simply had to put up with it.


**So was Elf Cobweb!

Getting Ready for Work.

The knives came into play again and soon all the tinsel was draped on the floor. The yobbos did not dare to try standing. The Elves took their guests by the chains that still hung from their unpleasant collars. “OK, the workers, on your feet.” The boys stood as quickly as possible as soon as they felt their collars being lifted.

“Right, Hi-ho, hi-ho, as . . .”

“Wrong story, I believe, Elf Bindweed.”

“What’s wrong, don’t you like my singing, Elf Cobweb?”

The resounding, “No!” from the assembled company didn’t exactly seem to upset the singer.

“You’re not going to take them to work like that, surely?” Fairy Snowflake sounded appalled.

“Why not? They can work with their hands bound behind them.”

“Yeah, and we’ve even freed their elbows.”

“Men!” Fairy Firefly knew what her good friend meant. “No, they can’t go like that; not festive enough at all.” Wands were waved, eyes were winked, shoulders were twitched and new tinsel fluttered down.

“Would you ask our helpers to stand still please?” The Elves didn’t have to ask. They just stood menacingly in front of the Fairies’ mannequins. Feet were gently eased apart with ballet-shoed feet and the Fairies set to work. It can’t have taken more than about ten minutes before they were satisfied with their work. Everyone agreed that that was much better. Now the boys not only sported beads and bells but their legs had been extensively bound individually. Considerations of taste didn’t seem to enter into it: what mattered was festive excess. The effect was almost like that of multi-coloured leggings. The finishing touch was the Christmas tree baubles that had been carefully incorporated.

The boys might have appreciated the efforts that had been made on their behalf. If so, they couldn’t say so, for some reason.

TBC

[Xtc]

A bit of an excuse/explanation.

This story is unlikely to be completed by Christmas. Sorry, I know that to finish episodes in a timely fashion has been my custom but circumstances have left me little time for writing or even doing the moderator’s job properly. There are a couple more parts completed and I shall do my best but no promises.

I wish all those who are following this tale blessed be this Solstice.

[Xtc]

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


Father Christmas’s Workshop

Elf Cobweb and Elf Bindweed led their two festively attired guests to the main workshop. The youngsters had no idea how they were supposed to work with their hands bound. As they entered the workshop, thy soon got the idea. They were obviously not the only people who had not been very good boys that year. People of all ages and in various attire were harnessed to sleigh-shaped trolleys. They were busy moving the newly made toys from the benches to the Dispatch Centre. That freed the Elves and Fairies to do the skilled work.

Elf Cobweb explained certain things as the yobbos were being led through the workshop. There were adults who had left shopping trolleys in disabled parking bays. There were dog-walkers who had not picked up after their pets. There were several people who had ignored the ‘No Cold Callers’ signs on people’s doors. Not all the porters were adults. Some of the younger ones had spat chewing gum (and even dog-ends) onto the pavements. Others were regular truants. All these people would be returned home eventually. The quicker they seemed to learn, the earlier they would return. However, at such a stressful time of year, they tended to be kept for longer than in January.

Andrew and Tony were led across to a trolley/sleigh that was larger than some of the others. It was obviously designed for a two-man team. There was a handle on the front that they were told to grasp. Their hands were then taped to it - just to make sure they didn’t let go. Yup, that was when the Christmas Sellotape came in. Their hands were soon encased in a mass of white tape that was printed with holly. After that, just for security, their chain leads were locked onto the handle as well.

It didn’t take them long to get the hang of the job. They had to wait until the ‘sleigh’ was loaded and then pull it to the designated bay. At least they didn’t have to help unloading it. On-the-job training was, of course, given. It’s remarkable how quickly people learn when ‘touched’ with those fairy wands. They somehow seemed to be more powerful than the ones that were used previously.

The porters were worked hard. It didn’t even dawn on them that they had been given neither food nor water for several hours. All they wanted to do was to avoid those wands coming into contact with their bare skin!

Eventually, sleighbells rang through the pa system and all the Fairies and the Elves downed tools. Well, all the manufacturing Elves did in any case. The ones who were responsible for the porters soon turned up again, though. As they arrived, Elves Cobweb and Bindweed noticed something different about their charges. “What the?”

“Fairy Snowflake thought they looked jolly.”

“Anyhow, sleighs are always pulled by reindeer.”

“Fair enough, it’s just that you don’t see many reindeer wearing nappies.” Sure enough, the youths were wearing more of the seasonal party goods. There was no way they could have dislodged the foam antlers even if they had dared to do so. Nor the tinsel that was trailing from them.

“Like the noses? Fairy Firefly did them.” The unfortunate kids had red clown noses clipped onto their own noses. It was only just about possible with the giant dummies gagging them but they did stay in place.

Andrew and Tony were told to take their part-load to the Dispatch Centre. It was probably the best thing they had heard all day. Once the sleigh had been emptied and stowed away, those knives came into action again. Not being able to watch them in use behind their backs did not increase the boys’ confidence. The chains were unlocked and the lads were led away to their overnight quarters.

The Guest Quarters

Someone had obviously been busy preparing the accommodation for the unwilling guests. There were two over-sized rocking cradles (both pink!) and a play-pen. Well, a sort of playpen in any case. There was also a pair of oversized high chairs.

“OK, baby boys, it’s potty time!” That sounded ominous.

“Who’s first? Enny-meemy-miny-mo . . .” With each dip the boys received alternate slight but humiliating smacks round the head. “. . . you-are-not-it.” The last slap went to Andrew’s head. Tony didn’t even need the “potty” but there was no arguing with his hosts. Elf Bindweed shouldered the slighter of the two boys and carried him out through a door. Elf Cobweb opened a hatch in the roof of the ‘playpen’ and lifted Andrew off his feet. He managed to drop him through the hatch with no difficulty whatsoever. Andrew wasn’t used to being mistreated by someone bigger and stronger than he was. That was his usual modus operandi.

The playpen had bars just like a normal one except that they were made of metal. It was a cube of about three feet on a side but not all playpens sport such a substantial barred roof. Elf Cobweb locked the hatch and went to see if his colleague needed any help. Andrew made himself as comfortable as possible in the circumstances. Those antlers were being really annoying in the low cage. For some reason, Andrew could still not dislodge them. He settled eventually with the antlers sticking out of the top of the playpen.

Tony found himself in a well-appointed bathroom where he was taken to a cubicle. He was told that, once his wrists were free, he would have ten minutes to attend to himself. He was allowed to remove all the festive decorations and told to leave his nappy in a bin. He was also warned not to try to remove the dummy that had been tormenting him for so long. Elf Bindweed cut his wrists free, left and shut the cubicle door.

The two elves firmed up the plans for their guests’ accommodation while they waited. The indistinct sounds of impatience and frustration were quite entertaining. “Five chocolate coins says he doesn’t make it.”

“You’re on – but no magic!”

Really, Elf Cobweb, you have no faith . . .”

“How many centuries has it been, Elf Bindweed?” The Elves laughed and shook hands.

After the ten minutes were up, Elf Bindweed opened the cubicle door. Tony stood there free from bells, baubles, tinsel and antlers - and all clothing! His hands were clamped firmly over his privates. He looked quite distressed as he looked desperately from one Elf to the other. The Elves waited. Tony broke: he had to try to tell his hosts what was hurting him so much. He removed one protective hand and tugged at the over-size dummy.

“Ah, and what did I tell you?”

“’Oa oou u’wy oo ‘e-oo I’”

That’s right, you were told not to try to remove it.”

“And what happened?” Tony did try to explain, not that the Elves did not know perfectly well what had happened. He had tried to undo the ribbons holding the humiliating rubber horror in his mouth. As soon as he did so, they tightened painfully and the rubber teat expanded frighteningly. His jaws felt as though they were being wrenched asunder. It was even worse than the flashing ball.

“Well, that’s magic. You should have known.” Tony fell to his knees and returned both hands to the protective position. He was obviously pleading for relief. The Elves were unmoved. Tony had nothing left to lose; he lifted his hands into a praying position.

“Alright, once we’ve seen to your mate, we might let you off.”

“Yeah, but in the meanwhile, watch this.” The usual twitch and wink started a video show on the wall or, at least, that’s what Tony thought. His mouth could hardly open any more in horror, not all the while his gag was so demanding. Elf Cobweb told him he could watch it as often as he liked.

“Look and learn.” The video was a looped presentation of how to fold and fasten a terry towelling nappy. The implication was clear.

Sure enough, Elf Bindweed presented him with a sparklingly white piece of towelling. At least It was considerably larger than the one in the video. There were also two enormous, novelty safety pins. “OK mush, get on with it.”

“Or do you think you’ll need some help.” Tony was desperate to indicate that help would probably not be necessary. He folded the cloth as well as he could remember on the floor and sat on it. There was then a gratifying amount of wriggling, snorting and rearranging.

Tony eventually stood up holding his creation in place. “OK, hands up.”

“Ta-ra!” Elf Bindweed’s fanfare sounded almost disappointed; the nappy stayed in place.

“Now say, “Thank you for allowing me to use two nappy pins.” Poor Tony, he did try. Then his hands returned to holding up his nappy.

“You want to go and pay some attention to our other guest while I wrap this one?”

“Yeah, it’d be a shame to spoil the surprise for him.” So saying, Elf Cobweb left.

Once more, it was not considered necessary to make the boy look festive so, jute rope it was. The binding was really only to increase the humiliation and didn’t have to stay in place for long. So, Elf Bindweed tied a handcuff knot in the rope into which he made Tony slip his arms. The knot was then tightened between his shoulder blades and secured with a reef knot. That would hold for long enough and Tony wouldn’t be able to slip his arms out of it. The boy was ‘asked nicely’ to lift his hands up behind him as far as he could. He thought he would be wise to do his best. By the time Elf Bindweed had finished Tony’s arms were held in an uncomfortably high back-hammer. He could not drop them by even an inch. Things were getting more painful by the minute.

“Don’t worry, scumbag, you won’t be like that for long.” Elf Bindweed’s words were not really all that comforting as he took hold of the chain. “Ready?” Tony wheezed and nodded. The Elf led him back to the “Babies’ Nursery”.

TBC

[Veracity]

Ah, this obviously 100% true story has become a Holiday tradition! Cheers!

[Xtc]

Here's a holding chapter while the rest is in the birth process:

[Xtc]

 

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


Num-Nums

Tony caught sight of Andrew as he was led back to the “Nursery”. He had one of those small present sacks over his head. It blindfolded him efficiently even if it did flatten his antlers somewhat. That is what was meant by not “spoiling his surprise”; he could not see the way Tony was dressed. Elf Cobweb led Andrew into the bathroom. Elf Bindweed led Tony across to an oversized high-chair.

Andrew was put through the same routine that Tony had just suffered. Meanwhile, the darker boy was prepared for further humiliation. Elf Bindweed lifted him onto the chair and swung a small table into place in front of him. He then forced Tony’s chest down onto the table and untied his arms. Most high chair tables aren’t equipped quite like this one. Tony didn’t like what he was seeing. He did, however, decide to follow the ‘advice’ he was given and laid his forearms on the table. There were supports into which his wrists fitted and larger ones for up towards his elbows. Fairly hefty straps soon held his arms in place leaving him in a sort of ‘driving’ posture.

More straps secured the victim’s legs to the structure at his shins and just below his knees. Tony was capable of hardly any movement even before that final straw. There was, of course, also that little item connecting the front of the chair to the back of the table. It was totally redundant even though it was, “Just to stop baby slipping off the chair”. Tony thought that the Elf had forgotten something but was unable to tell him what. That dummy still hurt like hell.

Once he was satisfied that “baby was cosy”, Elf Bindweed went to see how the other bully was doing. Predictably, Andrew had also tried to remove his gag and was in just as much distress as his friend. As he shared his opinion of his captors with them, they just laughed at him. That wound him up even more. His ineffective invective was completely incomprehensible and the Elves just let him get on with it. The video of a naked boy with a dummy in his mouth railing at the empty air would be most useful.

Eventually the Elves thought they’d got enough blackmail footage and that it was time to get on. Elf Cobweb took the boy in a full nelson hold while Elf Bindweed stood on his bare feet. DM cherry-reds are rather more substantial than those little, pointy Elf-shoes would have been. Elf Bindweed put it to him that he might like to be quiet. Andrew suddenly saw the sense in that.

The Elves used a few select words to remind Andrew of his situation. The offer to parade him round the Fairies’ social area clad as he was seemed to be persuasive. He managed to hold it together. Elf Cobweb explained about the instructional video and Andrew sill seemed compliant. He still decided to hold on to him while he watched but Elf Bindweed did get off his feet. The wheezing noises as the video started sounded suitably distressed.

“OK, Blondie, get on with it.” The video had been subtly different from the previous one and Andrew was given only one pin. It was, however, a spectacularly large one. It took him much longer than Tony to fix his nappy so that all three points were secure. The huge nappy pin looked, if anything, even more ridiculous than the two pins Tony used. The customary ‘hands up’ test was staged and the bulky towelling stayed in place.

Andrew remained cooperative as Elf Cobweb hung a rope over his shoulders. The Elves then wound the rope round his arms and tied it off at his wrists. That left plenty of rope for the next stage. Andrew found his arms back-hammered and his wrists tied together. The ends of the rope were then threaded up between the rope and Andrew’s neck. It was then pulled tight, stressing Andrew’s arms even more before being secured.

Elf Cobweb took Andrew’s chain in hand and led him to where his henchman was waiting. He was soon seated facing Tony and safely secured to his own high chair.

===00000===

“Is wickuw babies hungwy?”

“I’m sure they are.” Andrew and Tony were suspicious. I can’t think why.

The Elves produced what the boys were sure were going to be further instruments of torment. They both decided that they weren’t hungry but . . . They knew what those bibs that had been tied round their necks looked like. That is one reason they were left sitting facing each other. Andrew’s bib had pictures of teddy bears on it and Tony’s had a big red fire engine.

“Can’t have baby making a messy-wess, now, can we?”

There followed a few words of advice along the lines of, “Nah keep your gobs shut. Yes?” The boys nodded and the knives came out again. The Elves cut the magic ribbons and forced the oversized dummies out of the boys’ mouths. That hurt! There was no way either of them could have suppressed a scream. The Elves let it go. They did, though, stand wielding the slobber-covered dummies menacingly. The lads soon shut up.

“Alright, every good baby deserves feeding . . .” Did I tell you elf Cobweb was a musician?

“Oooo, look: puréed sprouts, num num.” Or that Elf Binweed enjoyed ‘cooking’?

Two bowls of the disgusting, cold gloop were set in front of the ‘infants’. Their jaws still ached so much from the removal of the dummies that they didn’t dare object. After all, those oversized pacifiers had been left where they could be seen only too clearly. When the Elves produced two pink plastic spoons, there seemed to be a theme continuing. First, those huge dummies and now the over-sized spoons. At least they would still fit in their mouths – mostly.

Elf Cobweb started first. He lifted a generous spoonful of sprouts from the bowl and started the ‘encouragement’. “Here comes the train, choo choo. He’s heading for the tunnel.” Even Andrew wasn’t too thick to understand the implications, so he opened wide. “There we go,” the Elf sounded like an encouraging mummy. “Now eat up and DON’T make a mess.” Now he didn’t! His tone brooked no argument. The wretched boy tried desperately to swallow the entire mouthful. He did not want to find out what would happen if any of Elf Bindweed’s ‘delicious purée’ leaked out. By the fifth spoonful, he couldn’t care anymore and started pleading. “Ahhh, poor baby. Baby want his bottle?” Andrew certainly did NOT want the bottle that the Elf produced from somewhere. The alternative, however, was plain: it was bottle or green slop. Andrew nodded. Elf Cobweb inserted the prepared bottle into Andrew’s mouth. He’d even bothered to warm it! Warm milk! Euchhhh! Well, it was that or sprouts so . . . Elf Cobweb patiently fed him the entire bottle: at least it wasn’t that much over-sized.

Meanwhile Tony was going through the same torments. In his case, though the aeroplane was coming in to land: a very noisy aeroplane. He seemed to be wearing more of his dinner than Andrew was. Elf Bindweed thought that he’d need several more spoonfuls to make up for what he’d spilled. At least they had spared the boys the mashed banana.

The Elves then went into theatrical discussions about whether to put the babies to bed. The boys listened intently. It was decided that it was too early and that good babies deserved some playtime first. They were not convinced.

TBC

[Xtc]

I shall try to complete the tale by Twelfth Night.
If I can't do that, I shall do a Boris Johnson and change the absolute deadline as it suits me.
Perhaps it will have to be "Old Twelvie".

[Xtc]

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


Sensible Clothing

“Elf Bindweed?”

“Yes, Elf Cobweb?

“Do you think they’ll be warm enough?” Before the boys could have any say in the matter, those dummies were lodged in place again. Serves them right: they shouldn’t have opened their mouths to speak. Not that it would have made any difference in any case. At least the dummies had returned to their original proportions. The Fairies’ bows meant that there was plenty of ribbon left to tie the gags on tightly once more. Bugger! Whenever the boys put any pressure on them, they injected something into their mouths. The Elves’ expressions indicated that they had noticed the effect. “Just a little cod liver oil for health. Can’t have you catching cold.” A sudden determination not to suck on or bite the teats of the dummies overcame the boys. That also had the effect of supressing their desire to try and speak. It was a sophisticated system.

“Just as you say, Elf Cobweb, we can’t have them catching cold, can we? I know, won’t be a wink of a reindeer’s eye.” Elf Bindweed went to one of the storage lockers and returned with two cute carrier bags. He handed one to his colleague who opened it and examined the contents.

“Elf Bindweed, you are so thoughtful.” The Elves grinned once more and set to work.

The first items looked like knitted mittens. They had attractive ribbons threaded through them and, of course, more ribbon round the wrists. These looked quite cute but they weren’t like ordinary baby mittens. Firstly, they had no fingers, they were just little bags. Secondly, any wearer who tried extending his fingers would be out of luck. The fabric wasn’t really wool and was very strong. The thugs had them forced onto their hands and felt their fingers forced into fists. There wasn’t much room in them. Readers have probably guessed that the pink ribbons were very strong as well. And they were surprisingly long.

Once the mittens had been tied round the wearers’ wrists, there was still a lot of unused ribbon. Even without using it all, there was no way of slipping out of them. Elf Bindweed’s effort at a fancy bow was only slightly better than Elf Cobweb’s. At least what looked like knitted bootees didn’t cramp the wearer’s toes. But they did have long ribbons too. Even if they felt like it, there was no way the thugs could resist being ‘dressed’. The clamps on the high chairs were positioned so that they wouldn’t interfere with the process.

“There now, that’s warmer, isn’t it?” ‘Warmer’ was not one of the words going through the bullies’ minds.

“Not warm enough yet, I think, Elf Bindweed.” This time, Elf Cobweb went to the storage lockers. Even the yobbos could recognise baby bonnets when they saw them. I suppose that, by now, readers will have guessed that they were pink. Cute helmet-like, knitted bonnets were tied under the boys’ chins with more pink ribbons. They both had large, fluffy pom-poms on them.

“You were so right, Elf Cobweb. How thoughtful. Don’t you think so, boys?” The reaction of the ‘babies’ was inscrutable. Each of them could see exactly what he looked like by looking at his friend. The two teenaged bullies wore terry nappies, mittens, bootees, bonnets and bibs. They even had huge, functioning dummies tied into their mouths. Perhaps the image was spoilt by the collars and chains.

Playtime

“It’s playtiiiime!” Elf Bindweed sounded most enthusiastic. Some serious efforts were put into not enjoying mouthfuls of cod liver oil.

You know that stupid voice your granny puts on with a new baby? Well, Elf Cobweb had it off pat! “Oooh, look at the pretty play pen. And it’s just for you two.” Both boys grimaced as they swallowed – worked a treat.

Before the babies’ arms were freed, several rounds of the ribbon were used to handcuff the boys. At least their wrists could still be about a foot apart. Their ankles were soon treated in a matching fashion. They were obviously not going to be walking very fast. Those annoying spars between their legs were removed and the Elves pulled on the chains. They no longer seemed to care if the babies slipped off their high chairs. The boys stood unsteadily expecting to be led across the that cramped cage.

“OK, it’s time for the pretty playpen!” That voice could quickly get annoying - very annoying – very quickly.

“Hang on, Elf Cobweb, has your baby taken his first steps yet?”

“Why no, Elf Bindweed has yours?”

“Of course not, he’s still very young.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Right, you two: hands and knees, get crawling.” The two boys looked at each other, horrified.

“Now?” They soon took the hint.

“Baby want go walkies?” Neither baby wanted to go walkies. After several boot-assisted laps of the nursey, they had still not changed their minds.

“Right, into the pretty play pen.” Elf Cobweb picked up his baby as if he weighed nothing at all and dumped him into the cage. Andrew desperately tried to get out of the way of the hatch and to get himself comfortable. Tony soon followed. Being only about a three-foot cube, avoiding one another would be difficult.

“Elf Bindweed?”

“Yes, Elf Cobweb?”

“Do you think they might fight?”

“You know, I think they might. After all, they both seem to like hitting other kids.”

Then the magic happened: you know it can. Father Christmas’s tall, black-clad enforcers shrank and appeared in their short, pointy-eared form. Now they could get into the play pen as well (just about). “Right, you two, hug your shins.” By now the cowed boys didn’t need telling twice and they pulled their hands down to their feet. The chuckling Elves (That noise can get annoying too) removed some of their festive tinsel. They always had plenty laced into their bootlaces and, of course, it was that special tinsel again. A few rounds of the boys’ ankles were tied off and the ends tied around their wrists. There was no way the babies were going to be able to unravel until the Elves were good and ready.

Elf Cobweb stood under the hatch and expanded to his real height. Much easier than climbing out as a cute little Elf. He stepped out of the play pen and was immediately followed by his oppo. “Play nicely, now,” and the Elves shut the hatch, padlocked it, and left the babies to their own devices.

Beddy-byes

The occupants of the play pen used their very limited scope for movement to try to get comfortable. As if it wasn’t bad enough being confined to a cage, unlike a real playpen, it had a sort of floor. Wherever they tried to sit, their backsides encountered several of the steel bars. At least their thick nappies provided some protection, but not a lot after a while.

Time was difficult to calculate in the nursery. However, if discomfort was anything to go by, the babies must have been left there for hours. Eventually, the babysitters returned. Tony had been struggling for comfort for quite some time. He seemed to be quite upset about the amount of cod liver oil he had swallowed. He was visibly shaking and very close to tears. “Ah, look, baby’s tired.”

“Ah, so he is, the poor wickle thing. - - - Time for beddy-byes.” Elf Cobweb unlocked the hatch and folded it back onto the top of the play pen. He then climbed into the cage and shrank to his ‘Santa’s Grotto’ size and appearance once more. At least that hunting knife had shrunk along with him, but it was still razor sharp. It made short work of the tinsel and the two yobbos collapsed as much as the space allowed. I don’t suppose that the things they were ‘saying’ were exactly complimentary.

“Those dummies must be just about empty by now. Perhaps they need refills?” The frantic shaking of heads seemed to indicate otherwise. There was, however, relative silence afterwards.

“OK, Skinny, (as I have said: all things are relative) stand up.” Having been immobilised for so long, that took several entertaining attempts. Eventually, Tony managed to stand in the open hatch. Elf Bindweed placed one hand under each armpit and lifted him out. Tony staggered. “Aw, baby stood up. Clever boy.” Elf Bindweed wasn’t as good at bay talk as his colleague. A tug on his lead soon pulled Tony onto his knees once more. And a shove to his shoulders completed the pose. “That’s easier, isn’t it?” Tony did not try answering.

Andrew didn’t make a much less embarrassing effort at standing up. Once he had managed to do so, Elf Cobweb soon had his baby ready to crawl to his cradle.

A boot up the bum is probably not an officially approved manner of motivating infant perambulation. It does seem to work, though, and the babies headed towards their cots. The Elves didn’t even bother with the leads which just dragged along the floor behind them.

The babies were unceremoniously laid in their cots and tucked in. It would obviously be the matter of only a few seconds to dislodge the pink blankets. Things were looking up – until five straps were fastened around each of the infant bundles.

“Do you think our babies will go to sleep soon, Elf Bindweed?” This, of course, was pure nonsense, the thugs could be put to sleep by the customary Elf magic. However . . .

Perhaps a little lullaby, Elf Cobweb?”

“What an excellent idea. Shall we?” The Elves sat by a cot each and started rocking it.

“Rockaby, baby, at the North Pole,
When the Elf rocks it, the cradle will roll. . . .”


Readers already know that one of the Elves has a bloody awful voice - so does the other one. The combined effort was anything but soporific. Eventually, when they thought their charges had enjoyed enough of their talents, the Elves stopped. With quick winks and shrugs of their shoulders, the sleeping spells were cast. The Elves left the babies sleeping soundly.
 

TBC

[Xtc]

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


The following Day

The sleeping spell ensured peace and quiet for a good eight hours (North Pole Time). Of course, Elves don’t need to sleep but R & R formed part of their contracts. It was time to give that bottle of dandelion wine the attention it warranted. The Elves headed for the Rec. Room to spend some time with their Elf and Fairy friends. After eight rather well-lubricated hours, the Elves were ready to resume their babysitting duties.

The straps holding the babies safely in their cots were unbuckled and the blankets stripped off. The babies were lifted rather unceremoniously from their sleeping places. Just for fun, the Elves rocked them in their arms for a few seconds. At least they didn’t sing to them again.

The boys were dumped onto their hands and knees and made to crawl into the bathroom together. Elf Cobweb then told them that, if they didn’t want their bottoms smacked, they had better be quick. They had to get showered and into their clean clothing in less than fifteen minutes. That wasn’t much time but they both decided that they didn’t want to get their bottoms smacked. The obvious problem seemed to have eluded the Elves: those mittens. The boys wondered how the hell . . . I’m pretty sure readers will know the answer: a quick wink and a shrug from each Elf. The mittens came untied and fell off the babies’ hands. They were no longer handcuffed. The Elves turned to leave.

“Alright, strip, shower, dress and anything else you need to do.”

“And DON’T touch those dummies.” They were unlikely to do that after the last time.

“Or those cute little bootees.” The thought of soaking wet bootees was not very comforting. The thought of having to stay in damp footwear afterwards was even less so.

“Oh, and make sure you don’t take too long, yes?” The boys nodded but, in truth, they had no idea how they were going to get finished in time.

“Just shower together, the cubicle should be big enough.”

“Yes, and you might want to help one another with the clean nappies.”

“Don’t forget: fifteen minutes . . .”

“. . . Or it’s smacked botty time.”

“Smacked BARE botty time!” The Elves left and shut the bathroom door.

===00000===

Two large-size baby bonnets hit the floor followed by two bibs, one of them not exactly clean. Three novelty-sized nappy pins were next and then two XXXXXL terry-towelling nappies. It hadn’t dawned on the boys that neither of them had needed to ‘use’ the nappy he had worn. (I might need to explain that later.) Neither was either of them hungry or even particularly thirsty. (And that!) They certainly didn’t want to be fed like THAT again.

Tony tucked his lead into his collar in order to try to keep it out of the way. Andrew thought that looked like a good idea and copied his co-conspirator. By a series of grunts the boys ‘agreed’ to share the shower. Yes, that WAS another entertaining video clip. They made their best attempts at showering themselves but avoiding one-another was impossible. Both the bullies were determined not to take too long. They didn’t even finish drying themselves before locating their clean nappies. At least these were the ‘adult’ size ‘huggies’ again. They did have to cooperate in order to be dressed in time so that was more embarrassment. Tony’s ‘Fireman Sam’ garment nearly fitted but the velcro on Andrew’s was straining somewhat. At least Postman Pat’s face was easily seen. One size obviously did not fit all. There were even two more clean, pink bonnets. Andrew had only just managed to tie his on when the bathroom door opened.

As if things weren’t bad enough, the Elves then inspected their babies for cleanliness.

“I say, Elf Bindweed, has your baby dried himself properly?”

“It would appear not, Elf Cobweb.”

“Talcum powder, Elf Bindweed?”

“I think so, we have to take such good care of them.” So saying, Elf Bindweed went to collect two white plastic cannisters. He gave them both a bit of a squeeze and powder puffed from their lids. How much more humiliation could the teenagers expect to suffer? Horrified faces accompanied hands that flew to their backsides. The Elves approached slowly. Andrew had an idea: he knelt and held his hands up in front of him. The idea of being laid naked across Elf Cobweb’s lap was one torment too far. Following some, “Nggh-nggh,” noises and nodding from Andrew, Tony soon cottoned on. Another fine scene from the video: the two local bullies begging to thin air.

“Baby rather air-dry?” Two superannuated babies nodded enthusiastically. They were going to be quite uncomfortable for quite some time.

Child Labour

“I don’t suppose you’re hungry?” Strangely enough, they weren’t. No, honestly, they weren’t. (I shall certainly have to explain that later.) Both babies shook their heads.

“Baby want his bottle?” Once again, neither one did. Andrew was starting to question why he had neither needed to use the potty nor soiled his nappy. What a pity he couldn’t ask.

“Our Boss said he didn’t want to see you today.”

“So, I suppose we’d better get you down to work again.” That was boring yesterday and it seemed to go on forever. By now, though, the youths were learning three things about resistance. It was useless, painful and could be embarrassing. “Oh look, it’s your mittens; wouldn’t want your little handy-puds getting cold.” Two pairs of shoulders sagged.

“Oh, come on, you two, look on the bright side. At least you don’t need your bibs today – although . . .” Two heads shook spasmodically.

“And I’ll bet that nasty Fairy Snowflake can’t get those antlers on over your bonnets.”

“Hold out your hands.” Clean mittens with the usual pink ribbons were fastened onto four wrists. Once more, the over-long ribbons were used to handcuff the wearers. The boys looked suspicious: their wrists were fastened in front of them. Pink ribbon handcuffs held their hands so that they could not be parted by more than about 40 cm.

The Elves inspected their work and, without another word, they led their charges away. At least they were allowed to walk.

===00000===

Sure enough, walking in wet, knitted bootees was not something either boy would have chosen to do. They were led to the toy-making workshop again. This time, they met Fairy Camelia who was in charge of workers’ comforts. She showed herself in her real form for the first time. No ballet pumps, no ra-ra skirt, no glittery makeup and no gossamer wings. She was a feisty punk girl. You know: torn fishnets, black and scarlet makeup, leather jacket – oh, and, of course DMs. NO ONE argues with Fairy Camelia.

“Hiiii, how nice to meet you.” The yobbos didn’t know how to take that. The sparkly fairy voice just didn’t match what they were seeing. “I’m sure you want to help look after all these fine workers, don’t you?” The boys didn’t know how to react. “I said, ‘Don’t you!’” This time the boys nodded emphatically as Fairy Camelia advanced on them. “That’s better, after all they do work so hard in the run-up to Christmas.” The boys looked around. They saw the Fairies and Elves hard at work and the ‘civilians’ pulling the sleighs again. “Oh, you needn’t bother about them, they don’t need refreshments.” By now, even Tony was coming to realise something strange about human metabolism. Or, at least, human metabolism at HQ(NP).

Fairy Camelia looked at her latest labour force. She wasn’t very impressed. She decided that food could not be served by babies in nappies. Tony cheered up; Andrew did not! Fairy Camelia produced two frilly aprons. Fairy Flutterby helped her to dress the ‘waitresses’. You’ve probably guessed what came next. The baby bonnets were removed and replaced by frilly Victorian mop caps. At least safety did not allow the waitresses to be made to wear high heels. Even so, the dummies did look somewhat incongruous.

“That’s better. You, Blondie, hold onto this.” Andrew looked puzzled as his mittens expanded. He was soon able to grip the handle to the refreshments trolley that fairy Camelia was indicating. “Now, I’m sure I don’t need to secure you to the handle, do I?” Andrew thought it was wise to shake his head. “Oh, I am so glad, I didn’t enjoy doing what I had to do to the last naughty waitress.” The giggle didn’t make the Fairy sound exactly sincere. “Oh, I’d better play safe; I really didn’t enjoy it, you know.” She waved her wand and two white, frilly-edged ribbons appeared.

Fairy Camelia doubled one ribbon and tied a lark’s head round both the handle and Andrew’s cuffs. Starting near his right wrist the Fairy soon had the pink ribbons and the handle completely shrouded. She tied the white ribbon off near Andrew’s left wrist. A quick wave of her wand then fluffed up the lace again. She thought that looked better. A further look and she thought that there was still room for adjustment. A quick flick of the wand and the ribbons between Andrew’s damp bootees shortened suddenly. “That’s better, little ladylike steps, alright?” Andrew did not react. “I said, ‘Alright?’” That time Andrew did nod. “Wait there.” Andrew was determined to do so.

“OK, Curly, your turn.” At least she didn’t call Tony ‘Skinny’. “Blondie here is going to push the refreshment cart and you are gong to serve people. Nod if you understand.” Tony nodded just enough to make sure that it would be noticed. “Hands out.” Fairy Camelia inspected he waitress. She waved her wand and Tony felt his hands being drawn closer together. “That should be long enough.” Tony then had his lace handcuffs shrouded in the other lacy ribbon. He was not subjected to having his hobble shortened; he wondered why. Fairy Camelia couldn’t be arsed to explain.

Tony had the contents of the trolley explained to him. Among other comestibles there were tisanes, dandelion-and-burdock and, of course, fairy cakes. Andrew had to push the trolley round the workshop; even one lap would have taken a working day. He would have top stop by any worker who hailed him. Tony would then have to take their order and hand it over on delicate china. The job was no less boring than yesterday’s was.

The waitresses had no idea how long they were working but eventually the sleighbells rang. The workers downed tools and Elves Cobweb and Bindweed approached. “Just think: it’s only September.”

“Yes, it’s weeks until Christmas eve.” The Elves waited for the full horror of the boys’ situation to dawn on them.

Then the knifes appeared. Andrew was released from the trolley. Elf Cobweb simply cut the pink mitten ribbons leaving the mittens in place. He did not bother to make them shrink again. He even allowed his waitress some massage time. Elf Bindweed soon had Tony in the same situation. The boys were not given any explanations.

More of that magic tinsel appeared and the yobbos made a good guess what it was for. Both bullies were treated in the same way. Their elbows were drawn quite close together behind them and bound. The glittery bindings were tight but not painful. The pain would come from prolonged immobility later. Their wrists were cuffed once more but only a few centimetres apart. The Elves examined their work.

“Festive enough, Elf Bindweed?”

“Nah, bit boring so far.”

Two of those long strings of bells appeared. Harnesses were skilfully tied around the boy’s arms and torsos. The Elves took their time. The finished bindings went from their necks down to their waists trapping their arms firmly. The Elves examined each other’s work admiringly.

“Good enough, do you think, Elf Bindweed?”

“I supposed we’d better test them, Elf Cobweb.” Backhanders to the guts confirmed that they would make a jolly tinkling noise.

“Better, Elf Bindweed?”

“Slightly, Elf Cobweb. I know.” Elf Bindweed collected something from a nearby workbench.

“Oh yes, very festive, you are such good fun, my old friend.” Both boys had their ears pierced and soon had Christmas baubles hanging past their shoulders. They were going to be really irritating.

“Just two more things, I think.”

“Don’t you think we’ve done enough to them?” Elf Bindweed looked at Elf Cobweb as if he’d lost his mind.

“Nope, you are, of course, right, my friend.” The last two bells were positioned on each baby/waitress. Now, they DID hurt! They were clamped onto the youth’s nipples with small (but vicious) crocodile clips. What a good job they weren’t all that heavy.

The Elves cut the ribbons between the bootees that had dried out hours ago. With no further ceremony, the festively arrayed youths were lead away from the workshop.
 

TBC

[Xtc]

There is still at least one more episode to come. Sorry, I won't complete it by "Old Twelvie".

[Xtc]

Author's note

Sorry, but since Christmas Eve last year, Real Life has dealt me a rough hand.
I'm OK but The Other Person needs a lot more of my time and I simply can't motivate myself to create original content.
(Readers might have noticed the recycled tales!).
I shall try to resolve the current episode before Old Twelvie but no promises.

Sorry.
This site means a lot to me and I feel a bit inadequate at present but I have other commitments as I am sure most members will understand.

Blessed be to all those of goodwill on this Solstice

[Xtc]

We’ve left these two alone for too long.

I’ve had a message from Elf Yewtree. Apparently, it's time your author pulled himself together, and pulled out his finger. He also says that I should continue this tale immediately. I find it hard to believe that some of the things he said came directly from Old Father Christmas.

However: . . .
This section starts at the chapter headed, “Be Prepared” new readers might care to start from there.

[Xtc]

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


Workers’ Playtime

Upon returning to the “nursery”, the mop caps and aprons were removed. Unfortunately, the baby bonnets were replaced. Elf Bindweed had an offer to make. “Want those dummies removed?” Bells jingled gaily as two youths nodded enthusiastically. “Remember: Babies can’t talk.” Eyes flicked from side to side. “Understand?” The subsequent nods were intended more to avoid punishment than to indicate understanding. That wasn’t the first time.

The dummies were cut free and wrenched from the mouths of the wretched youths. Neither could entirely suppress the vocal reaction. They saw the things being brought back towards their mouths. The Elves making, “Ah – ah – ah,” noises while nodding their heads soon had the required effect. Two mouths clamped shut; two larynxes were de-activated.

“What clever baaabies.” Having their hair scruffed through the bonnets was hardly humiliating at all. Well, not when compared to what the ‘hard men’ had suffered already it wasn’t.

“Right, it’s playtime again.” So saying, Elf Cobweb opened the hatch on the top of the playpen. Still, the boys managed to stay silent – just. Elf Bindweed looked quite disappointed. The two boys were swept off their feet once more and dropped into the playpen. Without being shackled, at least it was relatively easy for Tony to move aside. As his bulkier mate was dumped in as well, he was glad of that.

“OK, kiddies, play nicely.” The Elves retired. Of course, they knew that their charges would not keep quiet; it was all part of the plan.

It must have been a few minutes before the yobbos plucked up the courage to speak. The Elves were listening carefully to the relay in their office. Things seemed to be going well. Perhaps the Boss would like to speak to them tomorrow? The Elves left them to it for a good two hours before returning.

Cleaning up

“Did you miss us?” Elf Cobweb addressed the lads who immediately kept schtum.

Elf Binweed opened the hatch. “Out!” He left the boys to climb out without help. That wasn’t easy with their arms bound. For the first time they were glad that the playpen was only about a metre high. The bells jingled merrily as they jumped up, swivelled and slid to the floor. In the next few minutes, the bell-harnesses had been removed and the knives had come into action again. It was always fun to watch the expressions on their subjects’ faces as the Elves used them. Actually, they were very careful, it just didn’t seem like that to their victims. That left just those collars and leads as fetters. Elf Bindweed rather hoped the lads would make a break for it but, of course, they didn’t dare. At least they seemed to have learnt something.

Having waited a few seconds, just to see if their guests would make a bolt for it, Elf Cobweb spoke. “Right, scumbags, get into that shower and get the sweat from an honest day’s work off you.”

“And get ready for bed,” instructed Elf Bindweed.

“Fifteen minutes only. Go.” The boys were confused. Weren’t they going to be taken to the shower?

“What’s wrong? Need help?” That did it, the boys departed quickly. They even held onto their own leads. It was better than having them repeatedly colliding with their nappies.

The boys lost no time in losing the bells on their nipples. The baby bonnets and the pampers hit the bin almost immediately afterwards. They both got in the shower, soaped down and rinsed off trying in vain not to come into contact. As before, they didn’t dare take the time to dry themselves off completely. They were too intent on getting into the nappies they found. Once again, the bulky, over-sized terry towelling was pinned into place. This time, both boys had been allowed two of the bizarre nappy pins. Then it dawned on them: there was no sign of either clean baby bonnets or huge dummies. There followed a very subdued discussion of how they should proceed.

The discussion didn’t last long before the door swung open. “All clean?” Two nappy-clad youths nodded tentatively.

“You two like one another?” Andrew looked at Tony; Tony looked at Andrew. They both looked puzzled. “Well, do you two like one another?” The answering tentative nods were accompanied by a sort of puzzled grunting noise.

“That’s good. You’re about to become close friends.”

That didn’t sound good, especially with the Elves holding those ropes in their hands. They seemed to have forgotten the idea of making their packages look festive this time. Still, the boys stood transfixed.

Togetherness

“OK, Skinny, turn round and kneel down.” As soon as the instruction had registered, Tony did so. “Cross your ankles, hands on your head.” Tony complied. “Head up, elbows back.” Elf Bindweed seemed to be satisfied. “Just wait a minute while my colleague accommodates your good friend here.” Not being able to see what was going on made Tony feel very vulnerable. Being able to see didn’t make Andrew feel much less so.

The imposing Elf Cobweb approached Andrew and asked, “Ready?” Without waiting for an answer, he bound his wrists behind him without crossing them. There was plenty of rope left which was used to tie Andrew’s wrists tightly to his waist. Being a magic rope, it seemed to expand as the Elf worked. There was plenty left for work to continue without tangling or getting in the way. Elf Cobweb lived up to his name. He tied a harness that bound Andrew’s arms securely to his torso at three points. There was even enough left over to tie an elaborate bow in front of Andre’s neck. He wasn’t happy about that. Neither was Elf Cobweb. Obviously a wink and a shrug of the shoulder was called for. That was better, much more jolly; the rope was transformed into a broad, red ribbon with gold edges. The bow looked wonderful and, of course, the ribbon was wrapped flawlessly round the yobbo. It was so much more aesthetically pleasing, than the rope, which was much easier to tie with. To the unfortunate thug, though, it still felt as if he was bound with rough rope. Magic is so useful.

Elf Bindweed had seeded the rank of ‘Chief Tier Elf’ to his colleague. That was simply so that he could watch and copy exactly what he had seen on Tony. The poor kid hadn’t even dared to turn round to see. He even stayed kneeling with his hands on his head while Elf cobweb finished his mate off. Then he was allowed to stand and see his mate. Andrew had his legs bound at several places by more red ribbon with bows at each level.

“Very impressive, My Dear Elf,” commended Elf Bindweed, and Elf Cobweb made an elaborate bow.

“Well, thank you. Kind Sir, I thus return your bow.” Such daft buggering around always caused confusion in their guests.

Elf Bindweed soon had his subject bound but he preferred a silver edge to his ribbons. Once more, the Elves shared compliments and courtesies.

“Ready, Elf Bindweed?”

“Ready, Elf Cobweb.”

“OK, Scumbags, face to face.” The boys looked puzzled. “Now!”. The boys looked scared.

“Hop! Quickly!” The youths dreaded falling bound as they were but they dreaded the Elves more. Obviously they didn’t know that Elf Magic could ensure they didn’t fall. Once more, the video was most diverting.

The thugs pulled as close together as they could. They were left tottering against each other for long enough to be entertaining – to the Elves, that is. That’s when that special tinsel came into action again. Now the Elves could obviously have bound the thugs by magic but where would be the fun in that? It took over a quarter of an hour’s careful threading and knotting before the Elves had finished. By the time they had, not much of each harness had not been tied to its opposite number. The Elves gave their subjects just a few little shoves and watched them totter. Remember: they still thought they might fall. Obviously, by now, the babies were certainly no longer quiet.

“Do you think our babies should be using that sort of language, Elf Cobweb?”

“I can’t think where they learned it from. Can you, Elf Bindweed?” Frightened looks overcame two faces. Then the begging started.

“Can-it, you two.”

“Too late now.”

“Unless babies can be quiet from now on.” There followed a determined silence. It lasted right through the process of having the ribbons fastening their legs tied together. “Good babies.”

“Good, good babies.” Even the hair-scruffing couldn’t provoke any vocal reactions.

“Ready, Elf Bindweed?” Elf Bindweed nodded and gave their guests a harder shove. Elf Cobweb caught them and Elf Bindweed grabbed their legs. They couldn’t suppress their reactions that time.

“Such a shame, Elf Cobweb.”

“Indeed, Elf Bindweed, such a shame.” The following silence was a feat of hope over expectation but anything was worth a try. The Elves carried their determinedly silent burden over to a large cot. It was rather like the play-pen in structure but longer, narrower, lower and on wheels. In fact, it looked like an old-fashioned wooden cot from the fifties. At least there was a thin mattress on the floor. The yobbos were pushed unceremoniously into the cage.

“Now, why did babies use naughty language then?”

“No answer?”

“Well, I am so sorry about that.” Saying that, Elf Bindweed produced a strange-looking device from somewhere. It looked as if someone had laid one of those over-sized dummies on a mirror. I suspect that you can guess what it was and that you would be right. Elf Bindweed threw what was actually a double gag into the cot before shrinking to his smaller size. Elf Cobweb lifted him up into the cot and he made his way round the tops of the boys’ heads. He made to insert one of the teats between Tony’s clenched teeth. “Open wide, it’s gripe-water time.” Tony couldn’t help himself, he just admitted the awful thing to his oral cavity. Elf Cobweb tied it in place and, just like the single one he wore earlier, it expanded uncomfortably. Yup, sure enough, there was something unpleasant that oozed from it whenever he tried to relax his jaw.

The little Elf giggled delightedly and skipped round to be behind Andrew. If it wasn’t for having to try to keep his mouth shut, baby would have used some more of that language. Once again, Elf Magic ‘persuaded’ him to open up and he was soon gagged as well. Now the boys were forced to be nose to nose. Indeed, they had hardly any scope for independent movement at all.

Elf Cobweb helped Elf Bindweed to the ground. He resumed his black-clad appearance and the Elves raised the side of the cot and locked it in place. This time, the Elves did not cast a sleeping spell before retiring to the rec. room. 

TBC

[Xtc]

THE FREAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


New Clothes

Remotely watching the suffering of the two yobbos was not as entertaining as previous episodes. That was due to their effective immobility. That suffering, none the less, made the eight hours seem to last for ever. Eventually, the Responsible Elves visited their charges again. The boys had not had a good night.

“Good morning.”

“Ready for a good day’s work?”

Even their best attempts at defiance had come to nothing. How much longer would they have to be humiliated? How much longer would they have to work like slaves? They couldn’t even ask the questions.

The Elves had enjoyed themselves binding the lads ready for bed but now they wanted to get on. They magicked away the tinsel binding the two thugs together and removed the double dummy gag. The subdued youths immediately rolled away from each other. Their eyes flicked from one Elf to the other. Neither dared to speak.

The ribbon transformed back into rope and Elf Cobweb spoke: “Ready for your shower?” Still neither boy spoke. “Do you think we should tell them the good news, Elf Bindweed?”

“I think we should, Elf Cobweb. As long as they promise to behave. You will behave, won’t you, lads?” Both boys nodded enthusiastically.

“Very well, then. Shower and change first. Then we’ve got someone who wants to see you.” The boys were shouldered into the shower and dropped onto the floor. Suddenly, they found themselves free from their bonds. “Fifteen minutes, dressed and ready. Go!”

The Elves departed, the shower started and the confused youths wasted no time. Two nappies were stripped off and dumped. Neither boy seemed so concerned about showering naked with his oppo any longer. Perhaps having been tied up as they had been made such considerations trivial. However, there seemed to be something different: there were no clean nappies to be seen.

The Elves returned and the still-wet thugs clamped their hands over their privates. “Still shy, then?”

“Never mind, here . . .” Elf Bindweed handed each boy what looked like a simple apron, a very long one. “Get ‘em on.” Another entertaining scene ensued. The two lads tied the aprons round their waists and the fabric draped on the floor. The attempts to tie bows behind them were not very successful.

“Not that way round, diddle-os.” Two faces looked very alarmed. Surely the aprons were not meant to hang down behind them? How would that cover them up?

“Take ‘em off.” That was alarming.

“Well!?” So was that. There was no choice. Two naked boys held the fabric against their fronts.

“No need to get coy, just tie cords in front of you.”

“And tie them tight.” More entertainment ensued. Tony and Andrew turned their backs on the Elves and tied the fabric strips tightly. They tried to cover themselves as much as possible before turning round. Their attempts were not very successful.

“Don’ worry, lads; we’re all boys together.” Neither yobbo was much comforted and four hands stayed firmly in place. And two lengths of fabric hung down to the ground. They offered no decent coverage.

“Now, do you want anyone else to see you like that?” Two heads shook violently. “Well, you’d better finish dressing then.” The boys looked around desperately for something to wear.

“Just do what you’re told. It’ll be easier with two hands.” I’m sure readers are ahead of the boys here. Under instruction, they soon pulled the fabric between their legs, and up through the knotted tape. Once they’d pulled it tight and spread it out, they were al least minimally decent.

“OK, my little Samurai, ready to go?” How could they answer? What should they say? Where were they going?

A Careers Interview

“Our Boss likes people to look festive when he meets them so we’ve got to get rid of those chains.” Well, now they knew who they were going to meet. Even without the collars and chains, though, they could hardly be said to look festive. The Elves set about their obvious task.

Tony’s wrists were bound behind him with white tape that bore holly symbols all along its length. More such tape bound Tony’s arms to his torso at two levels. Elf Cobweb complimented Elf Bindweed on his excellent packaging. Elf Bindweed bowed but said that he still wasn’t satisfied. A wink of his right eye and a twitch of his left shoulder put that right. Tony’s loincloth now bore a picture of a festive cock robin front and centre.

“Very festive, Elf Bindweed.”

“Why, thank you, Elf Cobweb. Your turn, I believe.”

Elf Cobweb did the artistic enhancements this time. Andrew’s loincloth sported a fine cartoon depiction of a crowing cockerel. “I say, Elf Cobweb: that’s not very festive.”

“Have you never heard the story of Herod and the Cock, my good Elf?” Indeed, Elf Bindweed had not but he was prepared to let it go. “Present sacks, Elf Bindweed.”

“Present sacks, Elf Cobweb.” Elf Bindweed threw one substantial sack to his colleague.

There followed a few well-chosen words about, “He knows who’s been naughty or nice.” By now Tony and Andrew were beginning to believe it. The sacks were pulled own over the boys’ heads and down to their feet. The boys were felled, slipped right into the bags and the bags were bound with large bows. The Elves shouldered the present sacks and sang a jolly seasonal song as they jogged along.

Been Here Before

It wasn’t a comfortable ride but not a very long one either. The magical properties of the sacks even saved the passengers having to listen to the ‘singing’. In less than five minutes, two very trepidatious youths were decanted onto the floor. They decided that the best thing to do would be to kneel. That seemed to amuse the fat old guy on the throne,

“Ho, ho, hooo! And what do we have here, My Fine Elves?”

“Same couple of little s***s you saw the other day, Santa.”

“Language, Elf Bindweed. And please don’t call me Santa.”

“Sorry, Guv’ner.” Old Father Christmas really didn’t know why he bothered.

“And now, my fine fellows, what do you have to say to me?” The boys didn’t know where to begin. “Unless you would prefer to help in my workshop until Christmas Eve.” Both boys started stammering incoherently. “Here, let me help you.” The customary sub-conscious video display started playing.

After longer than the lads thought possible, the display stopped. There was an uncomfortable hiatus. “Well, then, it looks as if you have more to address than you admitted previously.” Would you like to deny any of those naughty actions?” Two contrite thugs shook their heads. “Well, what suggestions do you have to make?”

That was unfair, the boys could promise not to bully anyone again but had no reparations to suggest. As for the rough sleepers’ property. It was too late to do anything – or so they thought.

“Very well, boys, back to the workshop it is.”

“There followed an immediate flood of suggestions.

Interlude: Inter-Dimensional Temporal Dimorphism

I suppose some further explanation is necessary at this stage. I expect most readers have worked things out for themselves but, just in case . . .

The boys have obviously not metabolised at all while they’ve been at the North Pole. On the same principle, neither their hair nor nails nave grown. They could stay for ever but they would never age. All time spent as guests at HQ(NP) would pass instantaneously in Earth time. It has been said previously that some guests stay for a year before being returned home. Even all those people who have toiled in Old Father Christmas’s workshop will not have aged. If you think about it, that must be so if they are ever to be returned. When they return, they must be the same age as when they disappeared. No earthbound person should even notice that they had gone. The alternative time-lines presented to the guilty parties on their visits simply no longer exist. Well, they do exist, of course, but not in the same dimension.

Observant readers of the nit-picking pedant persuasion might question the need to feed the yobbos. Obviously, there was no need to provide sustenance. But torment and humiliation are a different matter entirely. They come under the category, “Necessary Modifications to the Rules" (P1423, para 45, sub-para 7).

I hope that clears things up.

TBC