THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES (Several Elementals/m)

[Xtc]

The author apologises for the delay in posting the following episode; he had to make a comprehensive re-write.
Well, here it is. There is probably one more post to come - for this season.

[Xtc]

 

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


Kevin Gets Relief

By now readers will know the routine. There have already been enough hints as to what was due to happen but, just in case, here goes.

Kevin was the first of the visitors to be decanted and he still had his ankles and wrists bound. By now, his discomfort was probably more than he could be expected to endure any longer. Elf Bramblethorn addressed him, “Arms hurt?” Kevin nodded; he didn’t even bother smart-mouthing his captor. Maybe he had calculated the possible cost of doing so.

“Right, I’ll make you more comfortable while we look after your mates. I expect they’re a bit pissed-off with being tied together by now. Alright by you, Wha’s-your-name?” Of course, he knew his name was Kevin but he spotted an opportunity to torment him. He also saw an opportunity for team-building.

There was something that needed addressing first – “Just to stop you getting yourself into trouble”. Kevin thought of resisting as a flashing ball was brought up to his mouth. A quick look round the workshop indicated the inadvisability of that course of action. Elf Bramblethorn forced the squidgy ball into his mouth. Every movement or compression started the thing flashing again. It was one of the Elves favourite ways of ensuring that any gag was suitable festive. Elf Oakwood located a very wide roll of transparent tape. The flashing could still be seen through three layers of the stuff.

“There, that should help you to keep out of trouble.” Kevin settled for a poisonous glare in Elf Bramblethorn’s direction. Elf Bramblethorn returned to his original train of thought. He addressed the assembled residents, “Let’s see, what shall we call this one?”

“I know what I’d like to call him.”

“Now, now, Elf Oakwood, none of your suggestions would be very jolly, would they?”

“True. Over to you, Good Elf.”

“Obvious, really: let’s call him ‘Shorty’. Alright by you, Shorty?” It was far from alright but Kevin had no say in the matter. He settled for a muffled grunt; the gag having seemingly given him licence to try to speak again. “See, he likes that. Don’t you Shorty?” An outraged sort of squeal escaped the trapped ball and the adhesive tape. He looked really pathetic, shaking his head. At least he was not still scrunched up in a ball.

True to his word, Elf Bramblethorn gave Kevin warning of what he was about to do. The little thug was laid face down on the floor. Even after his wrists had been detached from his neck, they were still bound. There was plenty of rope both attached to his wrists and his ankles. Elf Bramblethorn had scope to be very inventive. However, duty called and there were other matters to be attended to. He didn’t need to be too thorough to immobilise Kevin temporarily so he used a quick hogtie. Even that was not too strict and there was plenty of loose rope left over. At least he could use that to secure his subject to a leg of the workbench. Kevin could even flex his tortured arms to a certain extent. It was quite entertaining as his knees flexed and his wrists moved up and down his back. No one present saw any need to blindfold him.

“OK, Shorty, don’t go anywhere. We need to see to these two now.” With that, the twins each got a boot up the bum through their present sack.

Sorting the Twins Out

The Elves decided to set about creating a team of working reindeer. They needed to unpack two other cadet reindeer first.

Four DMs provided ‘gentle reminders’ about behaviour to each of the twins. Following the reminders, it took two elves to tip the temporarily conjoined twins onto the floor. Elf Oakwood wished they had not omitted to gag their outraged guests first.

“Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooooh! Shall we explain things to them again?” Following a much quieter 30 seconds or so, the twins drew breath again. “Again?” Two very similar heads shook reassuringly. The explanations were a little firmer next time. The Elves were almost glad of the opportunity; as I said: they don’t like bullies.

The twins had ended up with Chris on his back and Martin on top of him. Each was desperately trying to avoid facial contact with his twin. “Oh, go on, don’t be shy; give ‘im a kiss.” The reaction seemed to necessitate a further reminder about behaviour. However, Elf Bramblethorn tossed his colleague one of those bouncy balls. It was flashing to a very jolly extent. Those balls had been very good value.

The twins continued sharing the high regard in which they held the Elves with all present. There was a lot of Fairy giggling and Elf smirking.

“They must be talking about you, Elf Bramblethorn.”

“Surely not, sounds more like you, my good friend.”

The twins then resorted to assertions that their parents would report them missing. They were sure that the ‘Old Bill’ would throw the book at their kidnappers. The Elves exchanged knowing looks.

“We’ll explain all that to you later.”

“Yeah, but for now, just shu’ i’.” The twins don’t catch on to anything very quickly and continued.

“Where are we?”

“How do I get free?”

“Who the hell are you pervs in any case?” I think you get the idea. All the while, the twins were pulled upright until they were sitting. Four legs were splayed with Martin’s on top.

Without stopping their intended course, the Elves answered them. “The North Pole.”

“You can’t.”

“And we’re Father Christmas’s Elves in that order.” These were no elves like any they had heard of before. In any case, Elves don’t exist, do they?

“All things shall be discovered unto you.”

“Yeah, bu’ until then, just can it, both of you.”

Like a well-oiled machine, two flashing balls went into two wide-open mouths. Two leather-gloved hands held them in place. A delicate pair of Fairy hands loosened the end of the transparent tape and handed the roll over. The routine continued smoothly until two more bouncy balls flashed behind several layers of tape. The twins’ attempted continuation of their protestations became even more risible.

“Right, now listen up.”

“Yeah, were going to take you home.” The twins seemed to cheer up at that point. What a shame they didn’t really understand what was about to happen.

The Twins’ Home Visit

By now readers will be able to guess the outcome of the visit so I shall skip the detailed description.
For any new readers, however, what follows is an outline of the twins’ outing.

Elf Oakwood decided that both twins should be able to fit in Donner’s sidecar.

“Shouldn’t we put them in a present sack first?”

“No need. Not December yet.”

“Just Christmas pillow-cases then?”

“Yeah, must keep our secrets somehow.” Two festive pillow cases were found, one for each head. They were white with little robins all over them and festive ribbons round the openings. They look jolly when full of presents and hanging at the feet of children’s beds. They don’t look quite so jolly once they have been jammed over yobbos’ heads. The ribbons did, however facilitate pretty bows under their chins.

Elf Bramblethorn took the seats out of the sidecar and the twins were hefted into it. It seemed to be Chris’s turn to have his legs on top but they were not splayed as much. Chris’s his elbows were forced forwards so that the lid could be closed.

Elf Oakwood strode the front seat and Elf Bramblethorn rode pillion. The 500 cc Kwaka was kicked into action - this was a vintage machine, no fancy electric ignition. The journey to the twins’ home seemed to take an hour or so but, of course, that was not NP time*.

When the lid was flipped, the twins were in their bedroom but didn’t recognise any of the furniture. It seemed to be a girl’s bedroom. Readers will probably be aware what had happened. They had never lived there. Their parents still lived in that cosy little cottage that their Gran left them. They had no need of anywhere bigger because, of course, the twins did not exist. That was scary. Even more scary was when the Elves took them to the cottage. Sure enough, there were their parents sleeping peacefully. There were no signs of any photographs of the twins nor any other sign that they existed.

On the return journey, the Elves did their best to explain the twins’ situation to them. By the time they had reached HQ(NP), they nearly understood their dilemma. They were certainly quieter.

Donner was returned to Elf Bindweed’s workshop where there seemed to be a minor party under way. The twins were disembarked and Donner was returned to the stables. Obviously, the whole journey had taken only a few minutes of NPST (North Pole Standard Time). The two cadet reindeer were ignored until Elf Oakwood returned. In the meantime, Kevin had been invited to join the party.


*See ‘temporal dimorphism’ eariier on.

TBC

[Xtc]

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


Preparing the Team

By the time Elf Oakwood returned, Kevin was lying face down loosely hogtied on the floor. He was still flexing for all he was worth but with very little hope of escape. The Fairies were busy preparing their part of the conversion process so the Elves set to.

In spite of its comic aspect, the continued intertwining of the twins was becoming inconvenient. Elf Bramblethorn freed Martin’s hands, leaving the rope attached to one of them. The twins were still attached at chest level and stood no change of escaping. Just for safety, however, Martin’s wrists were soon secured just as his brother’s had been. Once Elf Bramblethorn had completely separated the twins, they wasted no time distancing themselves from one another. The Elves were rather hoping they would try to stand up. They would have enjoyed repeating their explanations. There was an advantage, though, to having them relatively unconstrained.

“Alright, scumbags, on your knees.” The presence of so many of the staff of HQ(NP) was persuasive and the Twins knelt. Elf Bramblethorn dipped to see which of the twins should receive attention first. “Ipp dip, my blue ship, you are not it.” With every word, the twins each received alternating, annoying clips round the head. The last slap went to Chris, so the ‘privilege’ of being converted first went to Martin. He was soon free of all bindings except those round his head. “Awrigh’, you and your brother ‘ere are going to be Santa’s li’uw reindeer. “

“And reindeer don’t dress for going fishing.” Elf Oakwood turned to address the assembled company. “What are we going to call these two?”

“How about Dumb and Dumber?”

“Not very nice. How about Fluffy and Flossie?” Fairy Snowflake was having a family-friendly moment.

“Yes, much more festive. OK, Specs, you’re Flossie.” A clip round the head clarified the confirmation.

“That makes you Fluffy.” Martin really didn’t like Elf kind in general and now Elf Oakwood in particular.

Fluffy, Flossie, and Shorty, yeah, I could use a team like that.” Elf Bindweed seemed to be satisfied.

“Right, Fluffy, better get ‘em off.”

Even once Martin’s wrists were untied, he was reluctant to do what he was told. “What, with all them over there looking?” Those Faries who had adopted their full stature shrank. There was a giggling flutter of ra-ra shirts and gossamer wings. The Fairies departed in a sparkly cloud. Fairy Thistledown and her team had work to do.

Martin was still reluctant to do as he was instructed. For once in his long life, Elf Bindweed saw no need for violence; not reasoning approved by all. However, he was in charge of the upcoming team. They would need to be fit for training. Fairy Snowflake had stayed behind to look after Baby Snowdrop. She sprinkled just a little oofle dust over Martin. He couldn’t feel anything for about ten seconds, then he became aware of a weird sensation. He scratched more and more as the irritation intensified until tings became painful.

“Itchy, is it?” That came nowhere near to describing the almost burning sensation. “Your clothes itching you?” Martin’s contortions were getting more and more extreme. “Now get ‘em off?”

Martin stood and could hardly strip quickly enough until he was left with only his boxers. He looked desperately around hoping for some signs of pity. He saw none. As the inflammation intensified, he gave up the fight. Standing in his birthday suit did, at least, stop the torture.

“Say, ‘Thank you.’” Martin wouldn’t have wanted to do that even if he could. He was simply trying with limited success to cover himself with his hands.

“Come on, you boys, don’t leave him like that, the ladies will be back soon.” Fairy Snowflake liked to pretend that Fairies are delicate little flowers.

“Yeah, right!” Elf Bindweed didn’t seem to agree. She gave him a backhander.

“Nah, she’s right. The poor reindeer might get cold.” Martin looked very suspicious. “’Ere, Fluffy, put this on.” Well, it was furry but that jockstrap wouldn’t do much to keep him warm - except for the blushing. OK, so the fur-fabric was a bit flattering at the front. Martin didn’t seem to think that compensated for having his arse hanging out, though.

So, that was Fluffy’s front hooves mitted and his modesty encased in as much as it was going to be. Elf Bindweed thought it would be better if he wasn’t so free to move. Elf Cobweb had already taken that into account. He had fastened something temporarily to a couple of pillars near, but not too near, a wall. The bar was about three centimetres in diameter and had red-and-white candy stripes. It was about a metre long and it took only a very slight effort to move it up and down. Chris didn’t like what he was seeing.

Fluffy was dragged across to the festive spar and made to stand with his back to it. His arms were hooked over it and cuffed as closely as possible across his belly. Of course, what looked like gold tinsel was as strong as barbed wire. Fluffy was capable of hardly any movement in his arms and his useless front hooves couldn’t touch.

“Do us a favour, Elf Bramblethorn, bring shorty over here, will you?”

“Most certainly my good Elf.” Kevin was dragged over to where Fluffy had been secured. I wonder if that hogtie was deliberately not too strict? It was certainly about to come in useful as Fluffy was equipped with his rear hooves. Kevin was made to kneel alongside the near-reindeer and received certain suggestions. He was getting used to being told what was good for him. He was even staring to believe some of them.

Once Kevin’s position had been adjusted, Fluffy’s feet were raised and he was slid over a bit. He was then dropped onto Kevin’s shoulders. The spirally bound bar dropped slightly. His feet could still just about reach the floor – until he was shoved backwards. Kevin was reminded about what might happen to naughty boys who dropped their mates. There was, though, little chance of that all the while Fluffy had an Elf holding onto his feet. Fluffy’s rear hooves were fitted quickly. Fairy Snowflake said how cute they looked. That wasn’t the word Martin was thinking of. All the while the backs of his knees rested on Kevin’s shoulders, his hooves pointed forwards. A very convenient attitude as the furry boots were tightened. Those high, platform heels were going to come as a surprise when Fluffy tried to walk. The outer coverings were padded to look like reindeer hooves. The internal structure didn’t make the hooves very easy to stand in. They would leave the wearer’s heels considerably higher than his toes once he was standing. Fluffy would soon learn the correct gait. They had quite a few weeks to teach him.

The Elves inspected their work. Then Kevin was pulled out of the way. Fluffy could kneel – just about. He was not comfortable.

Kevin was then repositioned so that Flossy could undergo his transformation. Soon two reindeer with slightly different colouring knelt side by side. With Kevin positioned between them, a problem soon became evident. The twins made a good matching pair. Kevin, even when he was kitted-out, would be very much the odd one out. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t look like Flossie or Fluffy, he simply wasn’t as tall. That would make it very difficult to tie him to the candy-cane spar even remotely comfortably.

The Elves would have to think about that while Shorty was prepared.

No one Argues with Fairy Camelia

The third conversion went smoothly; Kevin seemed to be very cooperative. He didn’t even seem to need fastening to the beam yet. Thus, the problem had not needed to be addressed until he was properly attired. Shorty had darker hair than the other reindeer. However, the size mis-match now needed considering.

The Elves were all airing their own opinions and ignoring everyone else’s when the Fairies returned. This time Fairy Camelia was with them in her punk-chick guise. She asked what all the fuss was about. In only a few seconds, the solution became obvious. She winked an eye and shrugged a shoulder. As the beam slid slightly towards the floor, the twins shrank. Now there would be no size mismatch. Two of the team didn’t appreciate Fairy Camelia’s solution. What a good job they couldn’t explain that to her.

You know when the girls arrive and solve a problem their men have got? You know the way they look at each other and say, “Men!” in an exasperated manner? Well, the Fairies have a similar saying: “Elves!” They all agreed that Elves were useless.

Now, there would be no problem: Shorty was fitted onto the beam between Flossie and Fluffy. All three would now make a finely matched team, even a symmetrical one. Now it was time for the final adornments. Fairy Camelia didn’t think the festive, flashing balls were suitable for reindeer in her workshop. She had an idea that her team could work on. There wouldn’t be a need for much adaptation. Her girls would set to work on it immediately and the team might as well start their training. Fairy Thistledown said her team could wait and would come up with some even better ideas. The proto-reindeer didn’t like the sound of that.

TBC

[tiedinbluetights]

A fun read as always. Now to catch up on other stories...

[Xtc]

Thanks for the support. Such things matter.

[Xtc]

Just a quick update.
Sorry I'm taking so long.

[Xtc]

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS AND HIS ELVES


Harnessing Up

By now readers can probably guess the next move: the spar was unfastened from the uprights. The nearly-reindeer were manhandled (Is that right?) across to the sleigh/trolley. There was only just enough space between the shafts for the team to fit. It was certainly going to be cosy; what a good job they were good friends.

As the resident inventor, Elf Bindweed took charge. He wanted to make sure the team was well trained. That way his forthcoming innovative invention would be less likely to come to harm. With all the ‘encouragement’ he was providing, the team was determined to do their best.

Fairy Snowflake saw the opportunity to help out. She was a skilled sleigh driver who could handle a three-in-hand team very well. She also knew the sort of language to use to encourage compliance. She used it frequently, much to the embarrassment of such delicate souls as the Elves. Without blindfolds, the reindeer didn’t really need to be fitted with reins but that was no fun. So, Fairy Snowflake asked for a change in the team’s attire. After all, it would not affect the plans of Fairy Camelia’s team.

The reindeer were forced (sorry: asked nicely) to kneel. They were quite unhappy as Elf Cobweb approached with an impressive looking knife. They became happier as he slit the transparent tape that was securing the ball in Shorty’s mouth. Kevin couldn’t resist the yell as the ball was wrenched past his teeth. It did remove a certain amount of hair from his nape in the process. Elf Cobweb was somewhat disappointed when he manged to curtail his noise almost immediately. Did Kevin still think that biding his time would provide the opportunity for escape? The Elves pouted slightly and nodded their heads ruefully.

Fairy Snowflake produced some devices that had proved useful in the past with reindeer training. Kevin’s relative happiness faded again. Fluffy and Flossie didn’t feel any better either. The devices were short cylinders that had what looked like four spider’s legs attached. It took less imagination to figure out what they were for than it takes to describe them. As the device was held up to Kevin’s mouth, just for a second or two he considered resisting. That was the Elves’ turn to cheer up. Fairy Snowflake merely smiled, raised her eyebrows and tilted her head to one side. How could Kevin resist? He was not that stupid.

He soon had the cylinder parting his teeth and the ‘spider legs’ jammed against his jaw and his cheeks. That thing was probably more uncomfortable than the flashing ball had been. Kevin tried to say so as the Fairy strapped it into place.

“Ooooh goody, he’s being a naughty boy.” Elf Cobweb saw his opportunity.

“Ahh no, don’t be nasty. I think he’s just hungry.” Fairy Snowflake conjured a carrot, a large one, from mid-air. Taking the hint, Elf Cobweb held Shorty still and Fairy Snowflake pushed it into his mouth. It protruded far enough down his throat to cause distress but it soon jammed itself on the cylinder. It would be going nowhere until it was forcefully removed.

“Do reindeer, eat carrots?”

“Dunno, don’t care, he won’t be chewing it in any case.” Elf Cobweb gave the vegetable a quick pull to the right. Shorty’s head followed it and the carrot stayed in place jammed against the gag.

The twins were soon rendered in the same way and Fairy Snowflake completed the task. She attached two reigns to each of the straps securing the gags. She claimed that it was kinder than just attaching reins to the ends of the spar. The Elves each gave her one of those looks. Fairy Snowflake shrugged.

Training the team

The team was harnessed up to the sleigh. Even though they had not been completely transformed, Fairy Snowflake thought she would like to take a sleigh ride. She climbed aboard and took the reins. A few more of ‘those’ words graced the ears of the team and the reins got a little flick. The nearly-reindeer stood.

The first attempted steps came as a surprise to all three. They got nowhere. “All together, now boys; and one, and two. No, you’ll have to lift your knees. And one, and two. That’s better. Woah.” After a few steps, the team stopped in chaos. “Look you little ***** *** ***** ******** (and so on).” Delicacy requires me to draw a veil over what the driver was saying there. “Lift your knees, don’t try to step so far forwards and work to-****ing-gether. A lifetime working with livestock had coarsened Fairy Snowflake’s language somewhat. And that was a long, long Fairy’s lifetime. ‘Holding hands’ with Elf Bindweed probably hadn’t helped much either.

By the time the team had been worked for a couple of hours, they were granted a rest. The collapse as their knees grounded was chaotic – and very uncomfortable. Fairy Snowflake told them not to worry about it because they had a long time to get it right. “OK, boys, sit down.” More uncoordinated efforts were made but all three ended up sitting on the floor. Fairy Snowflake gave them about half an hour to find a comfortable position. It wasn’t long enough.

After a rest, the trainee reindeer were put through their paces once more. They were starting to work as a team, it was less painful that way. The twins, though, were still having difficulty coming to terms with being the same height as Kevin. Surely that couldn’t be right? It gave them few advantages but it did make things more comfortable for him.

Fairy Snowflake congratulated her team and said how much better they were doing. That was encouraging. Then she said that she thought they would be ready start work after lunch. That was not so encouraging. “Ho, Fluffy; ho Shorty; ho, Flossy, let’s go get lunch.” She flicked the reins and guided them the long round to a specially appointed stable.

There were mixed feelings when the team saw the accommodation. There seemed to be a lot of straw on the floor - and that rail along the rear wall. There were also what appeared to be three bowls on the floor. The idea that they should contain food was greeted with ambivalence. The sleigh was pulled up and Fairy snowflake tied three sets of reins to the rail. With the candy-cane spar between their backs and their elbows, they would be safe.

The team did not know what to do; they were still connected rigidly and could not use their hands. Fairy Snowflake left them for a while to figure things out. After about an hour, they had only managed to sit facing the back wall. Upon her return, the three yobs were almost glad that she had returned. However, the crowd that they could see over their shoulders was not encouraging.

“Hi, lads, didn’t have your lunch then?” OK, that confirmed what was in those bowls but how the hell could they have got to them? “Oh, well, never mind, you don’t really need feeding all the while you’re at the North Pole. Let’s get that nasty spar out of your way, shall we?” An Elf grabbed each of the soon-to-be reindeer and they felt their bindings seem to loosen. That gave Fairy Snowflake the scope she needed to with draw the red-and-white pole free. The boys could move their arms at last and they could move away from their companions. They were also free from the sleigh. Fortunately, the carrots stayed in place as the blood returned to their arms. There was obviously no point in trying to release their tethers with all those Fairies and Elves around.

Fairy Thistledown took the floor. She said that the team should be allowed to eat and drink before her team of artists got to work. Alright, that wasn’t really necessary but she thought they had done well and deserved a treat. Those horrible spider gags were removed and three jaws worked determinedly to loosen up. Six padded hands moved to comfort three jaws. Each boy was handed a mug of water which was rapidly drained. Just because such things are not necessary, it doesn’t mean that they are not enjoyable. Even the bowls of meaty soup were drained with alacrity: it even helped to dispel the taste of carrot.

TBC

[Xtc]

SORRY FOLKS,
MY LIFE HAS GONE FOR A SHIT
I don't think I can complete this year's episode.
Every time I try to complete it, I just write nastiness.
Although nastiness has its place in stories, it would be out of place in this rather whimsical tale.
Sorry, perhaps next Yule or perhaps the tale has just run its course.

I thank readers for their support so far.

PS. I shall probably start posting a rather nasty tale that has already been written.

[tiedinbluetights]

Sorry to hear that; hope things get better.

[Xtc]

Thanks, I might know more when they get back this afternoon.