Riders of the Midnight Sun (f+/f+) Chapter 19 Posted 2023-04-23

Stories that have little truth to them should go here.
User avatar
Mineira1986
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 619
Joined: 4 years ago

Post by Mineira1986 »

Great chapter. Straight to Fort Mallow without further interruptions.

I like how you showed Lady Maybelle's great influence with the toll at the bridge. A small detail, but very well included.

I love Lady Maybelle's introduction. When she was mentioned in chapter 2, I thought of a character who just wanted revenge or justice from Sweet Becky, who had done her wrong. But it's much more complex than that. There is a reason she's there and a reason why she does what she does. Perfect and I love it!

My only issue is that I had hoped for a final interaction between Shy Sarah and Sweet Becky. We only got a quick exchange before Shy Sarah left. Other than that, great chapter. I cannot wait to find out how Sweet Becky spends her next days in Lady Maybelle's hands... and how is she planning to escape from her upcoming torment.
Image
Shotrow
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 208
Joined: 2 years ago

Post by Shotrow »

[mention]Mineira1986[/mention] Ah, you're right. That would have been good. Guess it's a missed opportunity.

Chapter 9


Sweet Becky closed her eyes, and Aziyah opened them.

She sighed. Her tablet was beeping at her frantically, but Aziyah knew what it was trying to tell her without looking at the screen: her vital signs suggested that she had had an unusually intense free-play session, and AISPA was assigning her a meditation session to re-center herself in the real world. She dismissed the notification, sat upright with her eyes closed, and took a deep breath as instructed by the calm voice emanating from the device.

Ten minutes later, a chime indicated that her session was finished. She opened her eyes. The session was a bother, but it did help. She now felt less like Sweet Becky and more like Aziyah. Besides, she would be rewarded for it, and for now, collecting AISPA tokens for good behavior seemed like the only way she'd be able to advance in her Happy Trails life for a while.

Aziyah padded off to the bathroom and stripped off her nightclothes as she read the personalized news digest off of her smart mirror. It didn't hold her interest very long this morning. At her age, it was mostly fluff pieces anyways. She stepped into the shower. The feel of hot water on her bare skin was an immense relief, and it wasn't long before her body, hair, and teeth were all cleaned to AISPA's satisfaction. She emerged from the bathroom and headed to the kitchen, where she started to prepare a meal for two. Breakfast for her, dinner for her father, who would be coming home before much longer. He was on the fourth shift, and Aziyah, like most minors, was on the second. His free-play time started two hours after hers ended, and hers started two hours after his ended, so they only had four hours per day together at most, which was often cut into by social or AISPA-assigned enrichment programs for either of them.

Aziyah's father greeted her with a surprise kiss on the back of the head. She let out a yelp of surprise before turning to see who it was and hugging him. "Hey, Dad…" she murmured, "How was your day?"

Aziyah and her father worked on finishing the meal together while she half-listened to him talk about one of his co-workers. "I keep telling Faysal he's going to burn out if he doesn't have some real fun. He still won't try anything but relaxation and educational programs," he said, "That's the trouble with everyone who moves here as an adult. They think they need to act like an adult all the time."

He dished out a portion of the meal for each of them and carried them to the table. "Now that's fine most places. But our society's version of adulthood is not something you can sustain full time." He took a bite of his food and stared at his daughter. "Aziyah, honey, are you ok? You're being awfully quiet today and you've barely touched your breakfast."

Aziyah forced her thoughts back to reality. "Oh… I'm fine. Bad free-play session. I don't really want to talk about it."

Her father studied her for a moment longer and sighed. "I get it. You're growing up. You need your privacy," he said, "I worry about you Aziyah. It's times like this I miss your mother the most."

"You don't have to worry," Aziyah assured him, "I'm fine."

"I hope so. You're growing into a fine young woman, and well, I just wish you had someone in your life who could teach you how to be one. You can't learn everything from pamphlets and educational programs."

Aziyah's stomach twisted as her thoughts immediately turned to the threat that Shy Sarah had conveyed from Lady Maybelle about teaching her the proper way for a young lady to behave. "Thanks, but I think I can figure it out on my own."

---

Samson clung to the metal pole with both hands as the train slowed to a stop. He had arrived at his station. The small boy did his best to keep pace with the other passengers as they spilled out onto the platform. Samson located an empty part of the station and stopped to get his bearings.

The station he had disembarked at was part of the commercial district closest to his home. It was little more than a neighborhood shopping center. Still, it was a sensory overload of illuminated signs as each little shop competed for the crowd's attention with glowing, animated signage.

Samson wasn't here to shop, however. It just happened to be the closest station to the park where he would work on his assignments. The underground native squinted as he passed the blinding shop displays and turned down a small side tunnel. It was easy to miss if you didn't know it was there. He walked slowly as his eyes adjusted to the much softer tunnel lights that came to life as he passed them. He winced once again as he stepped outside into the purple grow lights of the park.

The diligent boy made his way down the winding path, past the raised planters laden with a carefully planned mix of food crops, flowers, shrubs, and trees. His task today was to monitor the growth of a selection of plants in the park. It was tedious work, but it would serve as lab credit for his biology class while also earning him a bonus for spending time in nature. He had worked out a deal with the manager of the park facility where he would also submit his findings to them, which would earn Sampson credit for contributing to the community and the manager credit for creating an educational opportunity for a minor. He would then grant Sampson permission to use one of the grow cabinets for his own project. His plan, created with the help of his sister, was to divide it between flavorful herbs and berries which would go for a premium when fresh, and high-calorie root vegetables, which he would donate to the public food stores and earn credit for philanthropy.

Samson worked at a casual but steady pace, photographing each specimen with his tablet and typing in a few notes about each one for his report. He was lining up his camera to get a shot of a dwarf lemon tree when it began to chime. It was a call from Samson's sister.

"Hey, Mia," he answered as he sat down on an earthen park bench to talk, "How's the surface?"

"Oh… you know. Surface-y…" came the answer, "Too bright, too windy, too open."

Samson smirked. "The surface is better in the winter anyways," he answered, remembering the time he and his classmates watched the aurora, "But I thought you were really looking forward to this trip?"

"Once I get to the good parts, I'll stop whining," Mia promised, "But we haven't gotten to see Glacier Ranch OR the Polaris Zoo yet. Just a lot of hiking through mud and camping. Natural sleep is the worst, and it's too bright anyways. But that's not what I called to talk about. I got your message."

Samson sighed. "Yeah… eventful night."

"I'll say. Pretty profitable one too, from what you said. Though, it sounds like that was a unique situation. I hope you have a plan for tonight."

"Yeah… I got some of the girls agreed to help protect the place in return for their release and a cut of the profits. A couple of them are well-connected in the area, so we should be ok."

"Good move. You're learning fast…" Mia answered, "Listen… the reason I called is because I have an idea… I won't be able to work out all of the details until I get back, and of course, I'll want to see how the rest of the week goes for you…"

"What's the idea?" asked Samson impatiently.

"Well, all the time we've been trying to set up our inter-game trade network, we've been focused on items. I think the real money is in people. If the novelty of seeing you in Happy Trails was enough to cause all that…" Mia continued, "I think I can convince a pretty sizable group to transfer to Razor Fang. We'll have to pay the first few, but then others might even pay for the privilege of doing it as part of a larger group. Then you…"

"…I could find clan leaders who would pay to host them!" exclaimed Sampson quietly as he saw the shape of his sister's plan, "We could place them in the bazaars, the temples…"

"And then…" she prompted with an expectant tone.

"Then we get together a group from Razor Fang to transfer and start the whole process over," Sampson answered in awe.

"Exactly. But we're going to need capital to get this started. As soon as you get back in-game I need you to send a telegram to Clever Anne Ginger and tell her…"

---

Margarita leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. She held a well-worn map of the campus in her hands. The anxious girl knew where she wanted to go, but the map was a helpful reminder of how close the dorm buildings were to the classrooms. Summer was one of the most challenging times of the year for her, when the tunnels connecting the school buildings were closed down, leaving her no choice but to brave the open skies.

Margarita reached for the pendant that was hanging over her uniform blouse. She nervously stroked the canine figure with a single finger, which momentarily calmed her down. An older boy and girl passed her and began whispering to each other. Margarita suspected they were talking about her, but it was the least of her worries. She took one last breath and quickly walked out the door, holding the map over her head.

Margarita winced when she heard the whirring of a mini-drone overhead. Roughly the size of a softball, these sophisticated machines were the reason no one minded the nation's youth playing with guns in their free-play. The drones would immediately incapacitate anyone who showed violent intent while carrying a deadly weapon. They kept everyone safe. Of course, unlike in Happy Trails, incapacitation in real life was not always a clean, safe process, and there was always the risk of injury or death.

The Polaris kids… all the students from stable countries… walked past them like they weren't even there. If they only knew what those things were capable of... In Polaris, only the police controlled them. Margarita reminded herself of this as she walked past the lovingly groomed flowerbed that adorned the campus.

There was a time when Margarita enjoyed that peace of mind back in La Gran California. The country was celebrating the anniversary of its unification with a grand parade held in another city. Margarita's parents were busy with work, but their housekeeper Savannah happily drove her to see it. That was the day that the rebels gained control of the city's drone network and turned it against the population, setting off the civil war that raged to this day and made it unsafe for Margarita to return home. History would remember it as The Bakersfield Massacre. Folklore dubbed it The Day of the Fireflies. But, to Margarita, it was the day she watched a drone land on Savannah's neck and explode, taking half of her skull with it. There were so many blasts, so much screaming… Margarita only survived because Savannah's lifeless corpse concealed her from the drones' facial recognition software.

Margarita forced her mind back into the present. Most days, someone would accompany her on these walks. Usually a school counselor, sometimes a teacher or security guard who happened to be available, on a couple of occasions, a helpful upperclassman. But today, she had decided she was ready to do it on her own. Her remedial AISPA program had promised her a significant incentive for it. All the while, the software monitored her vital signs. "AISPA never makes you do anything you can't handle," the counselor had assured her. Even so, Margarita wished that the program could detect her anxiety BEFORE it sent her heart rate and blood pressure through the roof, making her feel like she was going to pass out.

Margarita broke into a sprint, shoving her way past a group of students loitering near the entrance to the dorm. "S-sorry," she yelled in response to their shouts and complaints. She slowed to a brisk walk once safely indoors, up several flights of stairs into the safety of her private room.

The Bakersfield Massacre had so decimated the political and military leadership of Grand California that both her parents had been given hasty promotions to high-ranking leadership positions. It was thanks to their new privilege that Margarita had this luxurious room in a prestigious foreign boarding school, far away from the violence. She flopped onto the sofa and pulled the large plush toy sitting there close to her.

After cuddling for several minutes, she began to feel better. "I did it!" she whispered ecstatically into the plushie's pointed ear, "I'm going to get an extra prize token tonight. Do you think I should get you a new coat, or maybe save up to bring your little sister into the game?"
Image

Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!

Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
Beaumains
Millennial Club
Millennial Club
Posts: 1212
Joined: 4 years ago
Location: Netherlands

Post by Beaumains »

Interesting addition. It is good to see the interactions between the physical and virtual worlds. Becky's mood is to be expected.

Also, I love this chapter as it introduces two deeper plot points: The scheme of the children to make a little bit of money with the game and the dystopian world and its (almost Orwellian) ongoing civil war. The bondage is always great, but this is also a cool aspect to explore. Somehow I hope that the barrier between the physical and virtual world fades and the tie-ups move to the real world as well, but I doubt this will happen. In any case, well done!
Shotrow
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 208
Joined: 2 years ago

Post by Shotrow »

[mention]Beaumains[/mention] Thanks! I wasn't sure if this kind of shift would play well or not, but I thought it would be a good way to suggest the passage of time before the next night.

Maybe I didn't make it clear enough, but the world isn't in a civil war. The nation of Grand California is. Polaris, where the story takes place, is a completely different country that's not involved.

EDIT: Oh, and as far as the idea of tie-ups moving to the real world, the thought has crossed my mind, but it's hampered by the fact that most of the characters don't know each other in real life, or at least they don't know each others' identities. Maybe in the future I can get them together at a game convention or something LOL.
Image

Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!

Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
Ovi1
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 128
Joined: 2 years ago
Location: Netherlands

Post by Ovi1 »

nice job Shotrow, your hard work on this chapter shows, and certainly pays off. I will probably at some point get confused with real-world vs in-game names, especially as time passes.

It is lovely to see you do all of this hard worldbuilding. It is always a great risk but it is beautiful when done properly. and as far as I can tell now, you are doing it very properly.

I like how you immediately mentioned real names, instead of using both names to point out the characters. That forces the reader to identify them by behaviour rather than by name, and forces the reader to get more invested in the story.
I believe you would be a lot more comfortable in ropes
Caesar73
Millennial Club
Millennial Club
Posts: 4719
Joined: 5 years ago

Post by Caesar73 »

Beaumains wrote: 1 year ago Also, I love this chapter as it introduces two deeper plot points: The scheme of the children to make a little bit of money with the game and the dystopian world and its (almost Orwellian) ongoing civil war. The bondage is always great, but this is also a cool aspect to explore. Somehow I hope that the barrier between the physical and virtual world fades and the tie-ups move to the real world as well, but I doubt this will happen. In any case, well done!
I agree :) It is a fascinating world you created [mention]Shotrow[/mention] - I really like dystopian scenarios!
Image
User avatar
Mineira1986
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 619
Joined: 4 years ago

Post by Mineira1986 »

Nice! Looks like a break after the first day in the Happy Trails worlds.

Love how you only mention Sweet Becky's name, but conceal the others. I love when a writer treats their readers as smart instead of giving them all the information. Beautifully done.

As a person with anxiety disorder, I can totally relate with Margarita. That "task" was surely difficult as hell, I'm glad she did it successfully!

Great work!
Image
User avatar
trainer
Forum Contributer
Forum Contributer
Posts: 57
Joined: 5 years ago

Post by trainer »

Excellent read once again. Absolutely loving all the work you're putting into the world here, it's much appreciated for sure! :D
Shotrow
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 208
Joined: 2 years ago

Post by Shotrow »

Thanks for the comments everyone! I actually didn't intend for this to be a dystopian world, necessarily, but I can see how people see it that way. If anything, it was more an attempt to make a future world that's like the real world, which I guess shows my cynicism towards the real world.

I can't believe it's been three weeks since I posted a chapter. It's quite a relief to have a new one ready to go.
Image

Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!

Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
Shotrow
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 208
Joined: 2 years ago

Post by Shotrow »

Chapter 10


Dear Sweet Becky Marigold,

I'm told that this telegram won't reach you until tomorrow. I don't know if you'll be back at Gingersnap Ranch or in jail somewhere else. If you're back, please ignore this.

I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything. I was stuck in the cantina for a really long time. As soon as Smiling Reilly let me go, I told the other girls at the ranch what happened. They said there was no point in trying to rescue you because if you were close enough to Fort Mallow to be in danger, there was no way we could reach you. I hope you weren't.

They also said that trying to rescue you wasn't a good idea. Lady Maybelle is too powerful, and even if we succeeded, you'd just get time added to your sentence the next time she caught you. They said it's best if you just serve out your sentence and get it over with.

I'll visit you when I can. I'm not good enough at this game to make the trip by myself yet, and Clever Anne says we can't spare anyone else because there's too much to do on the ranch now that you're gone. She says that if I stay and help out for a while longer, she'll help me, maybe even come with me if she's available.

Anyways, I just wanted to write to you because I thought you might be lonely. That's what I'd be feeling if it happened to me, but maybe you're used to things like this.

Hope to see you soon,
Singing Laura Mango

---

Sweet Becky sighed as soon as she finished reading the typed letter in her narrow stone cell. Singing Laura was right about her feeling lonely, but she understood the attitude of the other girls at the ranch as well. If she was in their place, she would have also been against a rescue attempt. If there was one silver lining to the ordeal ahead of her, it was that at least at the end of it, her record would be clean, and there would be no more need to constantly look over her shoulder. Technically, Fort Mallow wasn't the only jurisdiction where she was wanted. However, she was sure no one in the other two counties was as motivated to capture and torment her as Lady Maybelle apparently was.

There was no sign of the rope and gag that bound her, but she was still trapped and didn't expect her captor to leave her with what little freedom and dignity she had for very long. She could hear the sounds of the other prisoners waking up and the residents of the fort moving overhead.

"What'd I miss?" someone asked.

"We got a new girl. Sweet Becky something," someone answered.

"Oh, was that her? I heard she went up to Swift Avery and showed him..."

Sweet Becky flushed furiously. She shrunk against the back of her cell, relieved that at least the other prisoners couldn't see her at the moment. The one exception was her young neighbor across the hall, who sat with her knees hugged to her chest. Sweet Becky locked eyes with her for a moment, and they looked at each other.

Sweet Becky wasn't sure what to talk about with such a young girl. "So…" she began awkwardly as she forced a smile, "What are you in for?" She knew it was a cliche, but she didn't see anything else to discuss at the moment.

Fancy Delilah gave a huff. "They keep tricking me!" she shouted.

There wasn't any time for Sweet Becky to press her to elaborate. The cell block fell silent as a set of footsteps approached. "Alright now, out you go," a voice called cheerfully. Sweet Becky recognized the voice as Happy Georgia's. She could hear the cell door rattling loudly as though it had been slammed open. "C'mon, don't be such a baby…"

"Ow! Hey! Let go of my hair!" a second voice cried, "I'm coming already, jeez…"

One-by-one, the prisoners who Lady Maybelle had selected for additional torment were dragged out of their cells off to who-knows-where. Sweet Becky held her breath, no longer in the mood for conversation. It would be her turn soon. Her only comfort was that Happy Georgia seemed to be taking those closest to the door first, so Sweet Becky would be last. But each time the robust girl descended the stairs, she grew closer and closer.

"Your turn!" the enthusiastic guard exclaimed. Sweet Becky stood up defiantly and folded her arms. "Let's see… I was supposed to strip you and take you to the pillory. Well, what are you waiting for? Let's get those clothes off."

Sweet Becky felt a wrenching sensation in the pit of her stomach as she pictured the occupants of Fort Mallow staring at her exposed body. It didn't matter to her that it wasn't her real body. If anything, she cared more about this one than her real one. Her avatar represented everything she was and had achieved in the game, and the idea of it being degraded was unbearable.

"Make me," she challenged. There wasn't much she could do to stop Lady Maybelle and her little thug here from doing whatever they wanted, but there was no reason to make it easy.

Happy Georgie tsked. "Oh come on," she pleaded, "Don't be like that." Reaching into the pocket of her dress, she pulled out a set of keys and flipped through them until she found the right one. Sweet Becky's cell door opened with a click.

If Sweet Becky had thought for a moment, she might have remembered that escaping would only make her situation worse. But then, she might have realized that it would only count as an escape if she left the prison grounds and that making her captors chase her around would be a great way to get some petty revenge. Sweet Becky didn't have time to think any of this, however. She saw a path to freedom past Happy Georgia and charged for it, intent on barging the girl out of the way.

Happy Georgia didn't even flinch as Sweet Becky collided with her. The girl was built like a brick wall. Sweet Becky found herself lying on the stone floor, stunned and out of breath. The large girl crouched down to grab Sweet Becky's arm and pull her to her feet. As soon as Sweet Becky felt Happy Georgia's iron grip around her arm, she knew there was little point in resisting. Very few players focused on developing their characters' strength. Compared to other stats, it wasn't especially useful in gunfights, riding, or ranching. But it sure seemed to come in handy for brawling with unarmed prisoners.

Sweet Becky felt herself pressed against the stone wall of the cell as Happy Georgia's firm hands undid her outer clothes and let them fall to the bottom of the cell. The humiliated girl now stood in only her boots and a pink-and-white-polka dotted bra and panties. She took a deep breath and stared determinedly into the wall while Happy Georgia bound her arms behind her. Sweet Becky stumbled as Happy Georgia pushed her in roughly the direction of the exit and gave a firm swat on her bottom to encourage her.

Many other prisoners laughed and jeered as the humiliated girl passed, driven forth by more spanks. Sweet Becky fumed as they critiqued her choice of underwear and other aspects of her character design. She didn't understand; they were prisoners like her.

Sweet Becky ran out into the bright morning sun, followed closely by Happy Georgia. The powerful jailer forced her up a flight of steps to the fort's mighty walls. Sweet Becky finally spotted the pillory she had been sentenced to. Above the fort's main gate, a row of four wooden poles stood just at the edge. Happy Georgia took a firm grip on Sweet Becky's arm and marched her right up to the center space. Sweet Becky's stomach churned.

"Hey! What do you think you're…" Sweet Becky protested. Happy Georgia seemed deaf to her cries. The strong girl bound her prisoner's left wrist to the pole on her left above her head. Sweet Becky's right wrist was tied to the pole on her right in a similar way. Her legs were soon to follow, leaving her in the shape of an X. Sweet Becky wasn't usually afraid of heights, but looking down at the crowd gathering in front of her made her wish she was somewhere lower.

The sound of a bell ringing split the air. Happy Georgia had a bell in her hand. Under different circumstances, Sweet Becky would have laughed at the absurdity. "May I have your attention, please?" the robust girl announced, reading from a note that had been tucked into a pocket of her dress, "Allow me to present Sweet Becky Marigold. Some of you may remember her." The rapidly growing crowd murmured. Happy Georgia continued. "But for those of you who joined us more recently, allow me to tell you something about her."

Sweet Becky braced herself. Being spread out and exposed in front of such a large crowd was humiliating enough. The thought of hearing the story of her previous mistakes was almost unbearable. "This girl… acted like a total creep to our own Swift Avery Apricot."

Lady Maybelle's second son needed no introduction to the assembled crowd. Sweet Becky wondered if they were still selling the licensed wristbands the girls of Fort Mallow used to wear to indicate their favorite.

"After he rejected her, she couldn't take no for an answer. It's girls like her that ruin it for the rest of us and drive good people away from our community," continued Happy Georgia. The crowd murmured in angry assent. "This girl stalked him for weeks, following him around, even breaking into his quarters a few times. She telegrammed him many times a day even after he asked her to stop. I'm going to read you some of them later."

Sweet Becky's heart froze at hearing that. She was young and dumb when she wrote them… well, it was less than a year ago, but she still cringed thinking back on it. Happy Georgia continued over the crowds boos, "Then, if that wasn't enough, Sweet Becky decided that if she couldn't have him, no one would. As soon as Swift Avery laid his eyes on Green Lucy…"

This was too much for Sweet Becky. "WHAT?!" she demanded in shock, "Swift Avery and Green Lucy… they didn't… they weren't… that's not why I kidnMMMPH!"
Image

Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!

Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
Quintus09

Post by Quintus09 »

I love it, but why did you have to leave her boots on? Surely they’d come off with her trousers. Make her walk bare foot for extra discomfort and indignity.
Shotrow
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 208
Joined: 2 years ago

Post by Shotrow »

Huh, good point. I didn't think of that. I'm not really into feet, so it wasn't something I paid attention to. I probably thought that she would look sillier with them on, and Happy Georgia would have to risk getting kicked in the face while taking them off. But you're right, she would have had to take them off while taking off the jodphurs, unless she tore them off or left them around Sweet Becky's ankles.

Ah well. Something to be more careful about next time.
Image

Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!

Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
Quintus09

Post by Quintus09 »

Shotrow wrote: 1 year ago Huh, good point. I didn't think of that. I'm not really into feet, so it wasn't something I paid attention to. I probably thought that she would look sillier with them on, and Happy Georgia would have to risk getting kicked in the face while taking them off. But you're right, she would have had to take them off while taking off the jodphurs, unless she tore them off or left them around Sweet Becky's ankles.

Ah well. Something to be more careful about next time.
As you might guess I like bare feet so was looking forward to her being stripped of boots and socks for the pillory. Still more days of humiliation to come I hope.
Shotrow
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 208
Joined: 2 years ago

Post by Shotrow »

I'll be sure to take that feedback into account when I continue the scene. =P
Image

Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!

Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
Caesar73
Millennial Club
Millennial Club
Posts: 4719
Joined: 5 years ago

Post by Caesar73 »

That was quite the walk of shame for Sweet Becky. Nicely done! And I have the feeling this is not the end, but just the beginning of Sweet Becky´s punishment.
Image
Ovi1
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 128
Joined: 2 years ago
Location: Netherlands

Post by Ovi1 »

It's been a few weeks indeed, but you're keeping the pace. I am personally more invested in the more adventurous stuff than her prisontime, but then we are on tugstories.com, so I can't complain. Nice continuation anyway! hope to see more soon!
I believe you would be a lot more comfortable in ropes
Shotrow
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 208
Joined: 2 years ago

Post by Shotrow »

[mention]Caesar73[/mention] Most astute. :3

[mention]Ovi1[/mention] Funny you should say that, because I definitely enjoy writing adventure stuff a lot more than torment stuff. I'm not sure why; I often enjoy reading those scenes well enough. But I figured since some people were looking forward to it, I'd get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself.

I'll most likely be shifting the viewpoint back and forth from here so we'll get a mix of themes.
Image

Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!

Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
Beaumains
Millennial Club
Millennial Club
Posts: 1212
Joined: 4 years ago
Location: Netherlands

Post by Beaumains »

Oh, wow, an utter humiliation. It is so brutal, but it stays all a game.

That is what I like about this story. It is very serious (kidnappings, imprisonment, torments) with children involved, but it does not go 'too far'. The constant details to remind us it is 'just' a video game. It is a really cool concept!
User avatar
Mineira1986
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 619
Joined: 4 years ago

Post by Mineira1986 »

Nice stuff!!

A part of me was hoping that Singing Laura would come with a rescue party or a way to negotiate Sweet Becky's release with Lady Maybelle. Alas, it was not the case. I have to say the way the story continues is very realistic in that aspect.

I can't wait to know what Lady Maybelle has in store for her prisoner. Hanging her in display in front of the crowd is embarrassing but too simple. Or maybe it's just Day 1 of her torment.

Good work.
Image
Shotrow
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 208
Joined: 2 years ago

Post by Shotrow »

[mention]Beaumains[/mention] I appreciate this comment! It actually gave me a lot to think about regarding why I chose to go the way I did with this story. I'm glad you like the concept!

[mention]Mineira1986[/mention] Thanks! I appreciate your encouragement over the course of this story.
Image

Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!

Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
Shotrow
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 208
Joined: 2 years ago

Post by Shotrow »

Chapter 11
"Get off! Get off!" cried Singing Laura as the rat creature pinned her to the soft grass, baring its huge teeth as it hissed fiercely. She jammed her charm shooter into its side and pulled the trigger, causing it to scamper off.

Singing Laura sighed and brushed off her tunic. Once again, she had missed her target on the first shot. Nothing seemed to be going right for her. Singing Laura knew she was behind, but only recently did it begin to sink in how far she had to go. The other girls had been playing since they were practically babies. How was she ever supposed to catch up?

Until she did, there was nothing she could do but stay on the ranch. Her beginner clothes would mark her as an easy target. She couldn't shoot, she couldn't out-ride trouble, especially not on a shire horse, and she didn't even have money for train tickets or supplies. At least it wasn't hard to stay busy on the ranch, if only because she was bad enough at her tasks that they took extra time.

Well, there was nothing for her to do but to keep trying. Pushing through the tall grass of the pasture, she managed to locate another varmint to drive off. She drew her revolver to fire.

"Wait!" called a voice behind her. It was Clever Anne. Singing Laura recognized the pearl stetson and riding jacket. The rancher slid off the saddle of her black Arabian and stood next to Singing Laura. "Don't fire from the hip when you're doing pest control. From this distance, it won't attack you until you pull the trigger, so take time to aim."

"Ok…" murmured Singing Laura as she raised her weapon a bit higher.

"There you go. Look down the sights. Keep the front sight right in the middle of the other two. Equal lights, equal sights as they say."

Singing Laura took a deep breath and adjusted her aim. Once her shot was lined up, she shut her eyes as she prepared to squeeze the trigger.

"Keep one eye open," warned Clever Anne firmly.

Singing, Laura sighed and took another deep breath, lining up her sights again just as Clever Anne had taught her. Finally, she squeezed the trigger and almost immediately braced to be knocked over again. The little frog charm burst on contact with the rat creature's foot, not quite where she was aiming, but it was enough to send the varmint scampering.

"You did it!" confirmed Clever Anne in a warm voice. "You're a fast learner."

Singing Laura gave a meek smile. "Thanks… I'm trying my best."

Clever Anne moved over to the wooden fence and leaned on it. "Anyways… the reason I came here is I have some cargo I need you to deliver. Could you bring Pippin around to the yellow barn?"

"R-really?" asked Singing Laura in surprise, "After what happened last time, you really think I can…?"

"That wasn't your fault," asserted Clever Anne, "Not unless you were the reason she stalked that boy for months…" She tsked. "I told that girl she could stay at the ranch on the condition that she stay out of trouble, and what happened at the cantina yesterday was not what I had in mind."

Clever Anne quickly composed herself and walked back to her horse. "Anyway, it has to be you. We're short-handed, as I told you, and besides you're the only one with a draft horse."

Singing Laura nodded as she made her way back to Pippin. "Alright… who am I going with?"

"I told you… we can't spare anyone. But don't worry, you won't be going anywhere you haven't been before. The delivery is to your friend Smiling Reilly."

---

Before long, Singing Laura found herself in the driver's seat of a farm wagon. The wagon's bed was stacked with heavy wooden barrels. Singing Laura could see why Clever Anne had insisted on a draft horse. This would be a hefty load, even for Pippin.

The cargo was valuable but not easy to hide or run away with, and Clever Anne and Singing Laura both hoped it wouldn't be too tempting of a target. Singing Laura urged Pippin onward, and the wagon creaked as it moved down the trail.

Singing Laura kept a vigilant eye as she went. Deep down, she knew that any attack by a determined bandit would probably end with her bound and gagged and her cargo stolen, but she wasn't going to go down without a fight.

Fortunately, Pippin made it to Little Jane's place without incident. It was different than it was before… too quiet. She maneuvered the wagon into the stables and unhitched Pippin, opting to let him rest in a stall while she investigated. She carefully filled his trough with feed and water and then crept outside, her revolver at the ready.

No one was on the terrace, though the tables were adorned with half-filled glasses and plates. Singing Laura flushed when she recognized the chair she had spent several hours tied to the previous day. Still, it made her feel somewhat safe as she cautiously sat down on it to think, her revolver held in her lap.

Singing Laura was not a fan of horror, particularly not of those creepy tales of people having their consciousness digitally abducted from games and trapped in some horrifying sadist's personal virtual Tartarus. She quickly reassured herself that it was impossible, and there was undoubtedly some other explanation for the absence of other players. At that point, the town of Rosewater came back into her mind. There would surely be people there, or if not, she could use the telegram office to send a message to Clever Anne to ask her what to do.

Knowing that Pippin would need to rest before the journey back, she decided to go on foot. It was a relief to get away from the empty building, and the timid girl felt much more at ease surrounded by nature and the associated ambient sounds. Unburdened by a heavy wagon, Singing Laura realized she could save time by pushing through a hayfield on the outskirts of town. She soon found herself in the alley between the blacksmith and the sheriff's office. The nervous girl froze in her steps at the sound of shouting on the street ahead.

"…and so we came to your town to set the record straight about these stupid rumors!" Singing Laura crept forward on her hands and knees, hiding behind a stack of wooden barrels and crates as she took a closer look. The girl talking was named Cloudy Edith Nightingale. She was a teenager, at least a couple of years older than Sweet Becky. The girl was dressed in a strange outfit, consisting of a khaki vest adorned with many colorful patches over a turquoise dress. The horse she was mounted on didn't match at all. It was a jet black Andalusian with a print on its flank in the shape of a ram's skull, and the horse's tack was mostly made of black leather studded with polished steel.

Her speech was made to an array of hogtied girls lying in the middle of the dusty street. Singing Laura recognized a couple from the last time she was in town. Some of them were gagged, and most of them were staring at the ground intently. Around them, more girls in similar, if less decorated, uniforms to Cloudy Edith's rode up and down the streets with their weapons drawn, vigilant for any defiance.

The girl on the black horse continued. "So, you call can tell your friends that anyone who messes with…"

"You can yell or bluster all you want! Everyone here knows the truth. We don't have to be afraid of bullies like you anymore!" interrupted one of the bound girls. One of the mounted guards rode up to the defiant prisoner and pointed her weapon at the back of her head. The prisoner's name was Bright Sally Sunflower, and she looked even younger than Singing Laura herself. Her yellow hair was in a bob cut, over which she wore a pink crochet bucket hat. The other girls around her hissed at her to be quiet.

Cloudy Edith rode to her and looked down at her fiercely while the guard dismounted and grabbed the back of her collar. "Little girl, how would you like to take a trip to the sawmill?" demanded Cloudy Edith. Singing Laura remembered what Sweet Becky had told her, about how it was only possible to kill someone in game through an environmental hazard. Perhaps this “sawmill” was one of those.

"I don't care what you do to me!" the small girl shouted back, "I'll gladly give my life for my liege! LONG LIVE THE FOREST QMMPH."

Bright Sally glared in defiance even as she was gagged. "Take her. And every fifth girl here is going with her. Whether you're there to witness or join her on the log ride will depend on how I feel."

Singing Laura watched silently in horror. She had to do something… find a way to get help. But before she could make her escape, she heard a familiar voice from a barred window somewhere above where she was lying.

"Well… look who it is," whispered Pretty Polly.
Image

Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!

Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
User avatar
Mineira1986
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 619
Joined: 4 years ago

Post by Mineira1986 »

Noice.

Gotta say, I wasn't sure Singing Laura's story could be interesting, but this is great. It starts from the last time we saw her (tied up with no much of help to Sweet Becky) and now we saw her struggles with daily tasks. How she will have to prove herself now that Sweet Becky is away.

The second part is also done beautiful. Not sure where this is going (characters can be killed but they can be brought back, right? As this is a big part of the people's social life, it seems hard to believe their avatars will be killed for good) but really thrilling.

My only confusion, after re-reading the chapter. Pretty Polly is the girl from the first chapter, right? She was sent to jail, so how much time has passed since the first day of the story? I don't think she spent only one day, although it could be: their justice system could be just different and give shorter sentences as it would be a bummer to spend all the time in prison.

Good work.
Image
Shotrow
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 208
Joined: 2 years ago

Post by Shotrow »

Mineira1986 wrote: 1 year ago Gotta say, I wasn't sure Singing Laura's story could be interesting, but this is great. It starts from the last time we saw her (tied up with no much of help to Sweet Becky) and now we saw her struggles with daily tasks. How she will have to prove herself now that Sweet Becky is away.
I'm surprised you weren't sure it would be interesting. I got the impression that you were rooting for her to take a larger role in the story. =P

But yes, she's definitely going to have the chance to prove herself.
Mineira1986 wrote: 1 year ago The second part is also done beautiful. Not sure where this is going (characters can be killed but they can be brought back, right? As this is a big part of the people's social life, it seems hard to believe their avatars will be killed for good) but really thrilling.
Yeah, the rules for death were briefly discussed back in part 1. Players can't be killed directly by other players, only by environmental hazards. When they die, they get sent to an "afterlife dimension" and have to work their way back. The more experienced you are, the harder it is to get back and the longer it takes.
Mineira1986 wrote: 1 year ago My only confusion, after re-reading the chapter. Pretty Polly is the girl from the first chapter, right? She was sent to jail, so how much time has passed since the first day of the story? I don't think she spent only one day, although it could be: their justice system could be just different and give shorter sentences as it would be a bummer to spend all the time in prison.
It's only the next day. Pretty Polly is still in jail. Singing Laura just happens to be hiding in an alleyway next to the Sheriff's Office, and Pretty Polly is whispering to her from the window of her cell.
Image

Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!

Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
User avatar
Mineira1986
Centennial Club
Centennial Club
Posts: 619
Joined: 4 years ago

Post by Mineira1986 »

Ah, I was rooting for Singing Laura to take a larger role in Sweet Becky's story. I didn't expect her to have a storyline of her own. Gotta say, it has my attention now.

Totally skipped the "barred" next to "window" in the last paragraph. My bad.
Image
Beaumains
Millennial Club
Millennial Club
Posts: 1212
Joined: 4 years ago
Location: Netherlands

Post by Beaumains »

Interesting chapter and well written as always. Despite the lack of bondage, you caught my interest with this ever evolving universe with its unique characters, mechanics and other oddities. The tension in this chapter was great, and writing from the perspective of a novice was very well done. I could feel the inexperience and fear.

From a happy horse game with some kidnapping, this turned in a political, almost war-like game. It feels honestly as bondage is a major aspect of it instead of barely a lucky feature. From a paradise, the in-game world is almost dystopian itself, and I wonder whether the regular players would actually enjoy it or are bothered by aggressive idiots and grievers all the time.
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic